How to Eat a Triple Bacon Cheeseburger with Your Doctor

Joe just had open-heart surgery. A triple bypass. When he left the hospital last month, he promised he’d follow a healthy diet and quit smoking for good. I call to review his cholesterol results. He picks up on the second ring.

“Hold on a minute,” he says.

The reception is poor, but I can make out a few people talking. I hear the muffled voice of a woman.

“Okay, so you want a combo meal, sir? That’s a BK Bacon Triple Cheeseburger, large fries, and a large Coke. Anything else, sir?”

“Can you change that to a Diet Coke?”

“Okay. That will be $7.29 at the window.”

“Sorry, who is this again?” he asks.

“It’s Dr. Wible.”

“Oh my God. Oh no. Oh no. Oh my God. I can’t believe it. I promise this is the first burger since the bypass. It’s just a treat. It’s the first time, I promise. I’ve been eating more salads. I was even vegetarian for a few days. I can’t believe it’s you. I can’t believe you’re calling now. Oh my God.”

“Joe, your cholesterol is still high. You better stay on your statin. In fact, let’s triple the dose. You know, the drive-thru is just a shortcut to the Pearly Gates.”

This is PART 2. Read PART 1.

Chapter 79  from Pet Goats & Pap Smears: 101 Medical Adventures to Open Your Heart & Mind.   ** R.I.P. Joe 12/10/13 **


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