A song about the physician’s position from a musician’s perspective.
Physician’s Position
By Dr. M5 Vibe with Pamela Wible, M.D.
The greatest part of life is giving life
In my opinion, my decision
Led me down to a path always envisioned
Physician, the hours are long, felt a bit guilty
When I took a position
Way on the outskirts of the city
Cuz I know my family’s gonna miss me
Can feel the heartbreak prick my lips when my partna kiss me
But she loves me so she understands
The passion that I’m discovering delivering
A newborn baby with my own hands
Looked in his deep, dark-brown, round eyes
Mesmerized, soft enough to make a grown man cry
No lie
I hand him back to his mama
The room grew silent
For a moment I was in Nirvana
Left them in private
Damn, I walked up out the building
Feeling like the fuckin’ man
Until life sent a humbling message
Missed calls, hundreds of texts
Emergency asking for presence
The feeling I felt was unpleasant
Hopped in my car and I tailed it
Walked in the room and I felt the
Heaviness of the horrors that I saw
Murphy’s law
After all we’re professionals
Hold emotions in and never let ’em go
No
Keep them inside, sit by the family’s side
Second by second I see the light is fading out their eyes
Until there’s nothing left
Call time of death
We stood by his side until his last breath
Wake up
It’s getting late, bruh
Peace to Father Time
And respect to Mother Nature
Guess ya never know
When ya gonna meet ya maker
Better take it slow
Life mo’ precious than ya know
Wake up
It’s getting late, bruh
Peace to Father Time
And respect to Mother Nature
Guess ya never know
When ya gonna meet ya maker
Better take it slow
Life mo’ precious than ya know
My forehead is soaked, hands are cold as ice
How do you break it to a family that they lost a life?
Then drive home to my family and try to go to sleep at night
I toss and turn until I see the morning light
Then you do it again, and you got to pretend
You didn’t see what you did
Ain’t that some shit?
But who am I to complain?
The nurse right next to me
Experienced the same thang
How do you look into his mother’s eyes?
Fight back my tears while I explain
Why her son has died
Years of schooling don’t prepare you for this side of life
No time to process still
I got a patient in the next room
Mad cuz they ain’t got their pills
Enough to break your will
Enough to make you quit
Felt like this for years and I ain’t proud of it
And the hospital’s ill, sick of their politics
Short on our staff but hire another neurologist
Like what the fuck
Depression creepin’ round the corner
Pop a couple pills
Mix with alcohol and marijuana
Barrel to my dome
What’s the point of a diploma?
When I’m paying on these loans
Sinking deeper in this hole I’m in
Sobering
Heavy is the head that I’m shouldering
I been pickin’ out the casket I’ll be loaded in
But my family’s on my mind
It’s been hard for me to describe
All the pain and the pressure I been holding in
I wanna let it go
Wanna release it
Wanna be there for my wife and daughter
Lord know that they need me
Been a ghost around the house
It’s been weeks since they seen the real me
Guess I had to hit rock bottom
To get a view of the ceiling
Damn it was revealing
How deep I really hurt
But I buried it in work
Then I covered it in dirt
I could use a fuckin’ hand
Cuz it’s only getting worse
Had to take a chance
Maybe therapy would work
Wake up
It’s getting late, bruh
Peace to Father Time
And respect to Mother Nature
Guess ya never know
When ya gonna meet ya maker
Better take it slow
Life mo’ precious than ya know
Wake up
It’s getting late, bruh
Peace to Father Time
And respect to Mother Nature
Guess ya never know
When ya gonna meet ya maker
Better take it slow
Life mo’ precious than ya know
Doctor 5, what brings you in?
Um, I just feel I need someone to talk to.
I’m glad you’re here. What’s been bothering you?
I don’t know where to start.
Any place is a good place to start. How you feeling now?
Sad, all the time.
What’s making you feel so sad?
Wake up
It’s getting late, bruh
Peace to Father Time
And respect to Mother Nature
Guess ya never know
When ya gonna meet ya maker
Better take it slow
Life mo’ precious than ya know
Wake up
It’s getting late, bruh
Peace to Father Time
And respect to Mother Nature
Guess ya never know
When ya gonna meet ya maker
Better take it slow
Life mo’ precious than ya know
Wrap Song idea:
Please don’t define/diagnose me by my age!
Is that something that has happened with doctors? Do share more . . .
Thanks for listening Rèse. 💕
Phenomenal!!!
Rap on!
That’s the plan! Part 2 coming 🙂
Well done. It certainly depicts the problem. Leaves me with a heavy heart.
Thank you for listening and yes the topic is heavy and part of healing is to start to talk about the difficult things that nurses and doctors see. We’ve not had great venues for sharing our true feelings without retaliation. I’ve even spoken to doctors-in-training who got written up as “unprofessional” for crying at work.
Great song! You were great! It’s disappointing that they tell doctors that FEELING things is unprofessional in a life or death scenario.
I can’t hear anything I’ve been trying to figure out how to listen I put my volume up I didn’t see a volume on your video and there’s just no sound
Try directly on Vimeo here: https://vimeo.com/880057438
Definitely has sound. Maybe use a cell phone or a laptop (another device) and turn volume way up on your device.
The audio worked fine for me. The rapper was not a voice I could connect with being a physician, so that part didn’t work for me but maybe it works just fine for others. I do like the creativity of the endeavor!
WOW
Awesome!
Wow! Deep, dark, and daunting.
Once your ear tunes in to the rap rhythm, it’s pretty easy to understand the lyrics.
Thank you so much 🙏🏽
I like it a lot! It is fire 🔥!
Thank you for this and for the important work you do.
More to come . . . trying to translate taboo topics that are well-hidden into the public consciousness——while providing hope——is quite an endeavor!
Love it that you’re getting into music about this! Have fun at the retreat. ✨💖✨
Rap songs are made to get you into the shoes of the rapper and I didn’t quite feel like I was standing in the shoes of a doctor in this rap. “Guess ya never know/ When ya gonna meet ya maker” are examples of lines where I didn’t believe the writer was a physician. I’m not part of brah or bro culture so that felt a bit alien to me. What I love is the creativity of the endeavor! I wish I could understand the words more and not rely on the transcript.
Absolutely loved your feedback and our phone call today. You are an inspiration and I highly value your commitment to mental health advocacy. Thank you for all your research.
If the singer is a physician (and he is not though I am as his physician collaborator) what may come to mind (and be rather startling to a non-physician audience) is that this “physician” is high on marijuana or actually drinking while expressing his pain in the song (with access to a gun). I know many patients would fear that the doctor in question would potentially be high or doing drugs while working. Of course that terrifies patients who do not want their doctors to be “impaired” by human feelings of pain and suffering (that would require some way to cope without punishment – thus self-medicating). Interestingly, patients WANT their doctors to have great bedside manner and be empathic and compassionate. VERY CHALLENGING to have an emotionally present doctor who will not get emotionally wounded (especially with a bad outcome). SO this is why most doctors clam up, remain less emotionally accessible, and are at high risk of depression and suicidal thoughts and actions. Love to know what others think of my interpretation. You can leave an anonymous response if you prefer to shield your identity. Appreciate all feedback. 🙏
The insight is chilling. That was absolutely amazing. Thank you for sharing that with me.
This is really clever, Pamela!
If I were to write a rap song about the state of medicine, there would be a lot more anger.
Stoic philosophy and moral courage are sorely needed to cope with the bullying, manipulation, and corruption of medical practice and the healthcare delivery environment these days. I cannot sing worth a darn, but I can write a little. When I saw the movie “Kingdom of Heaven”, especially the director’s cut, I realized that the exploration of moral courage in the movie is directly relevant to the challenge of doctoring in the 21st century. Here is my adaptation of the “Knight’s Oath” from the movie….
“Knight’s Oath” from the movie Kingdom of Heaven”
———————————————————————-
Be without fear in the face of your enemies
Be brave and upright, that God may love thee
Speak the truth, always, even if it leads to your death
Safeguard the helpless, and do no wrong
That is your oath! And this is so you remember (slap across the face, then receives sword)
Arise a knight, and Baron of Ibelin!
Physician’s Oath (Robert M. Boldy, MD)
—————————————————–
Be without fear in the face of Administration
Meet the standard of care, that the Medical Board may love thee
Advocate for your patient, always, even though you may be fired
Be diligent and conscientious, and cut no corners
That is your oath! And this is so you remember (slap across the face, then receives stethescope)
Arise a clinician, and Doctor of Medicine!
Robert
I think you are a complex, multi-dimensional, cosmopolitan, and very talented gal…..
I plan to leave no stone unturned in my effort to conquer the taboo topics of mental illness and especially doctor suicide. Thanks for your words! Appreciate you!
Very well done – and sobering. I really respect your creativity in reaching out in yet a different way to those who can identify and need help. Kudos.
Oh thanks Jenny ❤️ Sometimes on a niche topic like doctor suicide (or even suicide) one can start to feel very isolated (and it is very tough to reach people who are suicidal & isolated) SO my hope is to create an open forum through music where we can all start to accept that YES we have trauma, YES we all sometimes get depressed or sad, YES suicidal feelings are common, and YES even doctors and nurses can feel hopeless SO . . . why not sing about our pain so we can start to heal . . . together . . .
Yep!!! I believe the problem is the greed-driven, politicized, industrialized, corporatized, algorithm-ized nightmare we called American healthcare. Where the patient is reduced to a product with the sole purpose of generating codes for billing and promotions, and to just shut the hell up. Because if you speak up, that’s an invitation for targeted retaliation. And caring doctors are stripped of their soul to push their owners’ narrative for the profiteers. And those same greed-driven profiteers are constantly pitting the patient & the doctors and caregivers against each other while they rake it in.
YES! Time to call out the criminal element parading themselves as “health care heroes.” Many entities within health care more concerned about ego and income than actually helping the vulnerable. Yet they have billboards all around touting their organizations as caring & compassionate.
and don’t get me started on the loss of informed consent . . . and experimenting on the weak & ill . . .
And what if one does speak up (for their own health, safety, life, care), as the Joint Commission campaign encourages, and that begets targeted retaliation while the collective remain in CYA mode.
That’s why we have the PMP Fight Club on Sundays to help doctors (& other health professionals) ensnared in forced drug rehab programs—even though they do not use drugs! More details here on the shady side of the drug rehab industry: Why are doctors dying in physician health programs?
Having zero to do with medications or drugs, physicians might be on …. What if the retaliation is targeted at the patient? If their ICD 10/diagnoses codes are changed or altered. And those changes hinder necessary care or needs. What about inaccurate or false notations that are being added to a patient’s permanent medical records/legal documents? Are the physicians being directed by their administration, their owners? It is difficult to think this would be intentional wrongdoing by a physician — I hope not. Where does one turn for help after speaking up puts them in danger?
“Are the physicians being directed by their administration, their owners?” YES. Most docs are conflict averse and follow instructions. Even (sadly) when unethical.
“Where does one turn for help after speaking up puts them in danger?” Legal channels and media can be helpful if pursued stategically.
Thank you so much for making this. I’m sharing….
Oooooh Laureli! Love to hear your thoughts about song too. Which parts resonated with you? Anything that was confusing?
Someone needs to write a song about Imposter Syndrome.
Next up . . . we WILL work on that!!
Nice message and beat. I personally like “Say Something” by Christina Aguilar and crew. It’s that silent message to speak out. Now I know that it is a love/relationship song but I would change the main lyric “Say Something I’m giving up on YOU” to “Say something I’m giving up on ME! The finality in all deaths is that you can no longer SHARE/FULFILL your special GIFT with the entire WORLD even if it is only in your own BACKYARD!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2U0Ivkn2Ds
THIS. IS. AMAZING!!!!!! 💙💙I’m not even gonna admit it brought me to tears. I love love love the work you are doing. Thanks for bringing a voice (and music) to this issue.
I’ve cried quite a few times listening to it myself.
For the songwriting retreat: I don’t know about the other doctors, but every time I look at an inbox flooded with stuff I’m supposed to sign or look through, a lot of it duplicate make work that really is not necessary, I always think of Sting’s song, “We Work the Black Seam“
ANTHEM for the people left behind by another one’s choice to end it all!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra_iiSIn4OI
Maybe different circumstances but the feeling is still the same.
Love it. Important message, not your typical pop music for sure.
Wow the accuracy…. the lines I remember are about family missing you, heaviness, horrors, having to hold in emotions, can’t complain because everyone going through the same thing….it was the succinct but loaded description of why this particular career can be so hazardous
Dr. Wible, i’m so grateful for your relentless efforts to help us! This was so unorthodox haha which I loved. Great idea! Singer had smooth voice and relayed this story so realistically. People don’t realize…it’s not glamorous. there aren’t huge notifications or pause buttons. you just work hard, have pain. then realize what you’ve sacrificed and the fuck of it all and then you hit a deep dark place and….you die. it happens all too quietly and in such isolation for far too many people 😭 Thank you for being our hero ❤️
I have an obsessive personality. I can’t stop until we have justice——ad the truth shall indeed set us free. Thank you so much for the detailed feedback. I’ll be sharing with Dr. M5 tonight. 🙏
Pamela, I loved it. I’m not too familiar with the genre, but I was just bopping along. His voice is wonderful whomever is singing. The beat was wonderful. The production was great as were your talking points. This made me feel like I was a physician going through the motions and the feelings of the day without me ever knowing what that’s like in my waking life. I felt like the song, the lyrics, the sounds, the frequencies, and vibrations really transported me into the body of someone who works in this field and deals with all these things—the struggles, trials and tribulations, things you did not get prepared for—and it took me on a journey.
It was like a shamanic journey and I loved it!
Very good! Well done. Who wrote the lyrics? They capture the incessantness of it well
Ah just seeing this now. Your comment ended up stuck in spam filter. Lyrics by M5 Vibe (Marcus Holloway) a very gifted poet, spoken word rapper who is a veteran after serving our country in war zones so he knows the feeling of life-and-death scenes.
Very good! Well done. Who wrote the lyrics? They capture the incessantness of it well.
Hey Dr. PETERS. I wrote the lyrics (m5 vibe) with the insight from Dr. Wible. Thank you for listening and feedback
Very Powerful Lyrics and Rap.. I sent it to my brother you sing alike
Keep up the good work
Well I’m really not in Rap. But I loved the Words and Lyrics and Expression ❤️
Thank you
Thank you for taking the time to listen and feedback 💜
For those medical professionals who may feel alone in their work. Those who sacrificed so much and receive so little appreciation—this is for you.
Pamela for sharing your song- it’s really well done and I think it makes this huge but underappreciated problem accessible to the non-medical.
I would like to suggest a song about the ignorance surrounding obesity, the endemic marginalization and contempt of the obese that accompany it and the resultant eating disorders and drug abuse that have ravaged this nation as a result of this deadly combination. Thank you.
This is so cool Pamela! I love it!! Already sent it to a few people.
Wait until you see the t-shirts and the “official” music video!!!!
Coming soon!
PLUS the PMP FIGHT CLUB song will debut this week!
Yeehaw!!
Dr. Wible:
Thank you for your complete involvement with physician suicide awareness. Keep swinging!
Sincerely,
Philip Alford, MD FACS
Love this song. Can’t wait to hear more.
Well done Dr. M5 and Dr. Wible.
Thank you Maureen! More to come. This is just PART 1 of a series! If you’d like to share any other themes you’d like us to dive into—just let me know! 💕🙏
🙏🏾💜 it was an honor to be apart of this message
Brilliant way to bring more attention to a much needed concern! Thank you for doing what you did here and what you do. Our profession is so misunderstood right now. Some people do not think past themselves and what they had to do or wait or be rescheduled … and what the person before them might have just gone through and needed! This is what makes medicine so hard is you worked your ass iof continue to work it off and people are pissed about something. You feel so defeated even if it just one angry ungrateful person. In my specialty we have to fit in worried, bleeding, pregnant moms, unscheduled. We have to tell moms their babies have no heart beat. We tell women we are concerned it is cancer or worse that it is all while not eating, urinating, seeing your family, paying on your loans…and the next person huffs and puffs at you because they had to wait. Then admin says you didn’t see or do or make enough… or you get paid nothing from them to co er call. We so need the messages to get out so people are more understanding of our day, life and that there is still hope and it isn’t worth taking your brilliant, skilled, trained useful self out of this life. Society needs us physicians and we need to educate and control what we can do and learn to manage what takes sooo much in a day. We need to reform what we can do in a day and have others be nice and grateful they got a turn even if it was rescheduled or late…we need paid for our decisions and to keep practices a float and malpractice paid. Insurances and complicated coding needs to be taken over by us that know our worth. Soo much this is such a great start! Thank you!
Great song! It definitely portrays the sad toxicity of medical culture. I hope it helps lead to change!
I really like the chorus. The words are powerful especially describing the incredible sacrifice of giving so much of self, time and energy. Then only to repeat after having no sleep or energy to do it again and again.
Very good voice
lyrics could have been more tight but they are good
song too long, would do better if less than 3 minutes.
Rap was great format—wish more rap songs were about meaningful topics.
other topics for songs:
never feeling good enough, smart enough, too old or too young, patient comments about your appearance that hurt “you look tired”, criticism from colleagues about the one thing you didn’t do or did different from them and ignoring the 150 things you did do,
directors micromanaging the wording or format of your note, being expected to be two or three places at one time, patients not knowing who you are or remembering you because you work shifts, feeling isolated, definitely Imposter Syndrome, the expectation of perfection without ever being rewarded for it when it miraculously occurs, surgeons and proceduralists are heroes whereas docs who don’t operate are “do nothings” and don’t get compensated for time spent and do not get respect.
lawsuits are hugely demoralizing and stressful even if 9 other docs are also named in them
any error or mistake ever is never forgotten by you or anyone else
HUGE debt and loans not being forgiven until you die
Disclaimer
don’t get me wrong, there are many things i love about my job
and some of the above doesn’t apply to me
but this was not the career i hoped for.
i wanted to help a lot of people
Heavy…
Outstanding baring of a physicians soul today. Four generation of docs in my family, and at age 81 I am starting to see this pain in the younger ones. As some have recently discussed, the intermediaries in medicine are the problem. Let the spend a day with your doctor 5 to see the essence of medicine. They won’t be able to handle it!
Phenomenal! Love this 💝
Amazing Work!
Thank you Dr Wible for your courage. You are shining a light in the darkness and despair of the health care system
Don’t give up…Change is Coming!
Wow! So incredible. Thank you for sharing with me. Know that I love everything you are doing. And know that you are so incredible. Carla Kuhlman
What I didn’t expect and when listening to this song and still can’t wrap my head around is: it literally, quite literally, feels like my story. Every word resonated. I figured I was alone in my miserable existence so how could anyone possibly understand? In order to survive, to live, to not lose my wife, or pull the trigger on the gun in mouth, I had to give up the most rewarding part of my practice because it was the most damaging. My wife said she didn’t recognize me anymore as a result of my constant bad mood and burnout. I would joke to those who asked how she was doing, “I think she still lives with me ‘cuz she still gets mail at the house”. Funny, not funny. It’s unreal to expect any human to deal with the death of a baby over and over again and have no outlet to even address what it feels like in your chest and abdomen, and brain. To wash a newborn under a sink faucet and hand that lifeless child to the waiting and grieving parents. Families experience that trauma once but obstetricians experience it repeatedly. There is nothing like it, nothing I’ve experienced that is more gut-wrenching and unsettling. Then, when you look around and ask for support – just to do your basic job functions – let alone any support to process the trauma of your job – to be told that you are the equivalent of a “gumball” because patients don’t care what color gumball they get so long as another gumball comes out of the “machine”, you literally feel worthless. Regardless of the deeply ingrained drive to be everything to everyone at all times – the curse of the physician – you know quite frankly that you are nothing to no one. So long as someone, anyone, covers your appointments regardless of credentials or level of training or ability the “machine” is satisfied. No help on the horizon, no end in sight, no way out, no other reasonable way to pay your student debt other than to continue dying – inside and out – for the “love” of the job and the patient.