Evan, a retired police officer, calls for an urgent appointment. I can hear the angst in his voice.
“Sure Evan, come right over.”
An hour later, he arrives in obvious distress. “I gotta show you something, Doc.” We proceed to the exam room. He pulls his pants down and points to his left testicle. I put on gloves, turn on the exam light, and l lean in real close.
“What’s the problem?” I ask.
“Look, Doc. Can’t you see?”
“My left testicle is hanging real low.”
“That’s it? No pain?”
“No pain. But look how low it is!”
I stand up. “Evan, here’s the deal: most people hang lower on the left. In women, the left breast is slightly larger and hangs lower. For men, the left testicle generally hangs lower. So you’re in with the main crowd.”
“I’ve been this way my entire life?”
“Yep. You’re normal.”
Evan smiles. Relieved, he hands me his co-pay and a five-dollar tip. As he leaves, I add, “Just so ya know, most curvy penises also curve to the left.”
Chapter 52 from Pet Goats & Pap Smears, Dr. Wible’s best 101 patient stories from 20 years of medical practice.