Wildest Doctor Suicide Survival Story! →

He used to be a plastic surgeon. He used to be rich and famous. He was in San Diego and got turned over to the medical board. He could have killed himself. But you know what he did instead? He decided to make a bucket list of 100 things that he wanted to do before he died.

You are one cool dude!

Hi everyone! I’m here to give a little hope! Not only physicians, but all health personnel. There was nowhere to go to. I couldn’t trust my colleagues. In residency they take 30 people and two make it to the end. People are always spreading rumors and gossip.

Once I “made it” and became a plastic surgeon and started earning the big bucks. After the first four years the lawsuits started to come. Frivolous lawsuits. No support from anybody. Worse than that. My so-called colleagues (that I go to meetings with) were saying bad things about me. “Well I think somebody died in his clinic” NO. “I think he might be doing some inappropriate things.” NO

It was horrible. Just horrible. I had nobody to talk to, go to. I didn’t want to burden my own family with this. So I really wanted to die. Like all of you we work so hard and give up all those parties and fun things to get through and become a doctor and I wanted to be a doctor since I was four years old.

Once I completed my 16 years of training I thought that was it. I’m all set now. I’m here to serve the world and oh my God things that happened . . .

So I wanted to die. They locked me up for 72 hours. Of course, severely depressed at that point. Really wanted to die. Planning all the details.

Then it hit me. I can’t do it. I just cannot do it. It would be a betrayal to my mother who risked her life and raised me as a single mom for years and went through hell. I couldn’t do it. I thought okay what’s the opposite of killing yourself. It’s to have the most incredible life ever lived by a human. I kind of flipped it over.

This is corny, but I got a notebook and I wrote down 100 crazy things that I would really want to do in the perfect world before I die. Proverbial bucket list way before it was cool to do so cause this was almost 30 years ago now that Crazy shit. Like go to space; trek across Antarctica and make a TV show about it; travel to every single country I wanted to go to (162 so far on 7 continents); I became a monk for a year lived in a cave on Myanmar border.

I wanted to give hope to doctors who feel like this is the end. I’ve had it. Not only do I have debt. Not only do I have to deal with insurance. Not only do I have to deal with colleagues I can’t trust. What the fuck good is living like this? I’d rather die. Can you imagine how many are feeling like that right now?

I remember the last time I went to see an internist. He looked so sad. So I said, “You look like you need a hug man.” I hugged him and he started bawling and crying. Oh my God. We’re introverts and we’re good at hiding, put on a professional face. We’re good at that. But it’s not working. So I want to say that if you have to just fucking quit. Don’t worry about it. What a waste of all those years? It’s not.

You can go to the other 190-some countries and be of great service. I’ve gone all over China, India, Bangladesh, helping the Rohingya being genocided. They don’t care about license! American doctor want to help? Oh my God! Please!

Every one of us can be of service wherever you go. I’ve done it in all these countries and Antarctica. Fuck the license and all those fees and CMEs and shit. We have enough training to help make a huge difference. Little villages where there are no doctors. Took me four days to climb to a Himalayan village. Oh my God they went berserk! A doctor came to visit us! Guess what. They have less mortality and morbidity than any other place I’ve been with a bunch of doctors. So much excitement and fun and contribution you can still make.

Money? In America we’re brainwashed. Oh my God if you don’t make six figures, we’re fucked. NO. I was living like a king in Asia for less than $500 per month. Really. Living on the beach. I’m just saying there’s hope. Don’t give up.

What would you tell a doctor who is thinking of killing himself today?

Go ground yourself with nature. Go to a forest. Walk around barefoot. Smell the fresh air and realize we are part of nature. All that stress and bullshit pounding on us is all fake. Number one. Two learn basic meditation, whatever form. Simple breathing. Get down to the basics: What am I? Who am I? What am I doing here? What do I really want out of life? Do I have to do this? Do I want to continue like this? If it happened like this early in my career, is it going to get better? Probably not.

There are options is what I’m saying, You can make things happen. We’re all supposed to have a certain amount of intelligence. FOCUS on the dream. Make it come true—completely!

The world and beyond is your oyster.

You don’t have to have a lot of money. Be nice to have a little bit. This country is not #1. We’re #1 in suicide for doctors; #1 in violence; #1 in the worst health care system in the world; #1 in warmongering. Yes, we’re #1. Oh my God you guys! Go travel and go to the hospitals in Thailand, Spain, and the #1 ranked in the world is Taiwan—#1 ranked health care. Where you’ll feel like you’re in a five-star hotel.

I broke my ankle in Taiwan. $75 later an orthopaedist fixed my ankle in a cast, meds, follow-up appointment. $75 cash. Thank you very much. If it was in France or Spain it would be free.

I just want people who are suffering to know you don’t have to do that. You do not have to keep torturing yourself. thinking you’ve reached the wall, the end. Just say, “Sorry. Fuck it.” I have my knowledge and I’ll use it.

Go west young man, young woman. Just go. Go. Just leave. I just left. I had to do the first thing which was go all 50 states. Once I did that, I just left. Going around the world 12 times so far, planning my 13th right now. You could be of great service wherever you go. All over Africa. God they need you as a volunteer doctor or you can make money overseas. Guess what? The first $130,000 an American makes working overseas is nontaxable. Suddenly you’re gonna be much richer than you ever were in America.

Opportunities abound elsewhere. Don’t let them fuck you over.

Need help? Join our free Doctor Suicide Dream Team. Be inspired! Contact Dr. Wible for Zoom link.


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3 sneaky ways the lucrative wellness industry injures doctors →

Physician Wellness Market

3 sneaky ways the lucrative physician wellness industry injures doctors. Common tactics ALL health professionals must understand. PLEASE SHARE WIDELY.

1. Using victim-blaming terms like “burnout” to obscure systemic human rights violations.

“Burnout” blames the victim who is enduring human rights abuse on a daily basis. Work-life balance impossible to achieve. Benchmarks. Metrics. Inefficient. Unprofessional. Resilience is a frequently used word to blame doctors who are truly among the most resilient human beings on the planet and need no further training in how to be resilient; they simply need to be treated with respect for the incredible value they have to society. Read more words that blame doctors and words we should be using instead.

2. Offering “voluntary” and “confidential” help that is neither voluntary nor confidential.

Many institutional “wellness” programs entrap docs by deceptively claiming they are “voluntary” and “confidential.” Once roped in, you cannot leave if you want your license. Physician “Health” Programs (PHPs) repeat these words ad nauseam to lure gullible docs. The minute docs do not comply with non-standard therapies (including polygraphs!) they are reported to the board as “noncompliant” and lose their medical license. Programs are not “voluntary” and “confidential” when your employer and med board have access to your files and use your “protected health information” (PHI) to further retaliate against you. Even worse, your PHI can be published in print newspapers & online (even on the med board’s Facebook page!).

Physicians share:

“After the unexpected death of a patient, I sought counseling. By a stroke of (bad) luck, I picked the only one in town in charge of impaired physician monitoring. He told the board (though stable) I should be ‘monitored.’ I had to defend myself in front of the Florida board. They laughed in my face and then posted in the local newspapers that I was sentenced to 5 yrs of monitoring. I had mandatory Wednesday group therapy. Though I was an exemplary physician, my employers had to be told why I was unavailable for call every Wednesday. Each time I (re)credential with hospitals, I must explain the whole thing again. HIPAA for me does not exist. I have never missed a single day of work for mental health.”

“Do you know what really hurts? The fact that anyone can look me up on the Internet and read my dirty laundry. I’m publicly shamed [by my medical board], punished for being ill. I will only know peace when I am gone.”

3. Claiming physician “health” programs (PHPs) prevent doctor suicide when doctors are dying by suicide inside these so-called “health” programs.

I now know 27 docs who died by suicide inside PHPs. Survivors report:

“You will begin to question your sanity. Techniques are based on humiliation and shame . . . underlying philosophy is total emotional and psychological destruction. It took every ounce of strength not to leave here a broken human being. . . Physicians have taken their own lives after completing ‘treatment’ here.”

“My best friend there killed himself two days after I left,” another physician reported. “I saw the staff systematically break him down until he had no personality or emotion. He was a shell after the public humiliation.”

Here’s how one stellar doctor died under the care of a “health” program. Read his last words here.

If you’re thinking this cannot possibly be true, please watch these podcasts on how physicians are held against their will in out-of-state PHP “preferred” facilities that worsen their mental health and lead to new-onset suicidal thoughts and suicide.

PHPs: Complex Problems & Solutions

PHPs: A Cautionary Tale & Message of Hope!

FREE HELP: Weekly Peer Support Groups Sunday. To join, contact Dr. Wible.

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PHPs: A Cautionary Tale & Message of Hope! →

Join us for this spirited discussion surrounding issues with Physician Health Programs (PHPs). Drs. Pamela Wible and Dominic Corrigan discuss how they have been impacted by physician struggles, and their views on proposed solutions. The three of us share a strong desire to offer hope and help to doctors! As Dom says, we need to make it safe and easy for physicians to seek support. Pamela adds that it is heartening to see all the doctors, and resources, emerging. We’ve heard many stories of physicians who didn’t want anyone to know that they were struggling. We continue to amplify the message to doctors that you are never alone; please do not suffer in silence! Doctors are repeatedly sharing that they wish they had sought help sooner, and that they wasted too much time putting on a solid front, while actually feeling miserable and trapped. There are MANY physicians who have emerged stronger on the other side, including Pamela and Dom. Do not wait until you hit rock bottom to ask for help; so many people care about you and are ready to support you, no matter what! Dom’s support website: https://physiciansanonymous.org/ Pamela’s website: https://www.idealmedicalcare.org/  Thank you Kim Downey, a vocal patient standing up for doctors! 💕

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Medical mistakes—how to heal guilt, shame, and self-blame →

Late last night I got this email: “Hello I am a nurse struggling with a medical error that may have led to a patient death and I need support.”

I texted her:

I called her just after midnight.

I asked how she found me. She said I was the only one offering support groups for medical mistakes. She gave me permission to publish this in hopes of helping others.

Three years into her nursing career working in a busy US urban hospital, she had just come on shift when one man who had been up in bed eating breakfast and speaking with her 30 minutes prior suddenly died. His code was a dramatic, gruesome scene.

Afterwards, the doctor told her she did nothing wrong. Yet ten years later she still blames herself for his death.

“Did I kill him?”

“Is it my fault?”

“Should I contact the hospital CEO?”

She still has so many questions.

Why?

All unexpected deaths require debriefing ideally within 24 hours.

Without peer support, we’re left in professional confusion and emotional isolation.

Knowing the cause of his death would have allowed her to (1) make sense of the situation; (2) learn how to help similar patients in the future; and (3) prevent a decade of intrusive thoughts.

This nurse needs closure.

Like a movie ending in a “cliffhanger,” the viewer leaves with unresolved questions. Without a sequel, viewers feel forever frustrated.

Suppressing feelings and sensations (subconsciously gnawing away at her) does not resolve suffering as buried memories continue to resurface.

Patient death PTSD happens when the visceral experience of witnessing a death is stored in your body. Sights, smells, and sensations take you back to the death scene instantly without warning.

Who is to blame?

Not the nurse.

Hazardous hospital conditions with understaffing lead to overwork, poor supervision, communication breakdown, and medical mistakes.

Unexpected patient deaths are not always caused by mistakes.

This nurse couldn’t have averted his death. She just happened be on shift as a witness.

Without a confirmed cause of death, perfectionists default into self-doubt, self-blame, and self-harm that may end in suicide.

Perfectionist people pleasers with savior complex often develop in childhood as parentified children trying to help parents with health issues. As a child, this nurse desperately tried to help her parents’ mental health issues. Her career motivation began with the desire to save her loved ones. Being unable to save this patient may trigger her deep-seated pain of being unable to save her parents as a child.

On a spiritual note . . .

Survivors of near-death-experiences report a state of bliss on the other side. Most don’t want to return to the pain of human life. So this man is now a free spirit.

“The most generous thing you can do now is to allow him to be free by not using him to punish yourself.”

“Doesn’t he want revenge?” she asked.

“No. He wants you to be free of your suffering.”

We spoke for one hour and 25 minutes.

By the end of our call, she felt she could finally sleep.

After ten years of dark thoughts, she can now rest in peace—without dying.

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Hospital fines doctors for keeping patients healthy →

Hospital taxes doctors for keeping patients healthy.

To care for patients in the hospital, docs have to be on staff and pay yearly dues. I was paying $300/year. Then I got a bill for $700. Why? I only had one patient in the hospital last year. Docs admitting more than 25 patients/year still paid $300. I got fined because my patients were too healthy.

Same thing with my friend in his residency program. He helped his patients quit smoking, lose weight, reverse their diabetes. His program director called him into his office. He thought he was getting an award. Instead he was reprimanded for not generating enough money for the hospital with cardiac caths and other expensive tests. He got punished for keeping patients healthy.

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