What is the least painful way to die? Why do people commit suicide painfully? Why do doctors commit suicide in such painful and scary ways?
First, we should agree that it’s better to say that a person has died of suicide than to say that they have committed suicide. One step towards preventing suicides is to use less offensive and stigmatizing language when discussing the topic.
I’m Dr. Pamela Wible and I run a suicide helpline for doctors. I’ve spoken with thousands of doctors and medical students who are struggling with thoughts of self-harm. Many have wanted to end their lives.
Imagine being in a situation that seems impossible, where death is the only way out. Suicide is all too common and the suicide rate has been increasing dramatically in recent years, especially among doctors who see no other way out.
Why would someone jump from a building, take a bottle full of pills or put a gun to their head?
Health professionals are at high risk of suicide. With the stress of the pandemic and oppressive changes in the healthcare industry in recent decades, mental health issues are at an all-time high for doctors, nurses, and others.
When a medical student, resident doctor, or practicing physician contemplates a suicide attempt, they often look for a painless death. Additionally, they may not want to leave too much of a mess to be cleaned up.
Many choose to die by suicide in the location where they were wounded. When a doctor is working a 28-hour shift and is suffering inside a hospital, the physician may decide to step off the hospital roof. I led a eulogy for a young doctor suicide victim who stepped off the rooftop of a New York City hospital and her suicide is now the opening scene in this doctor suicide documentary (view trailer).
Is jumping from a building the least painful way to die?
I don’t know if we will ever have a clear answer on the least painful of the many ways to complete a suicide attempt. Suicides in which a jumper has survived reveal that landing hard on the pavement is very painful.
Yet, when a desperate suicidal physician steps off the top floor of an inner-city hospital, instant death occurs, and it is unlikely that there is much pain. Even if it is not the most painless way, the pain is over quickly.
It may seem cleaner and less painful to swallow the contents of a bottle of pain medication or sleeping pills. Yet, if a depressed nurse or doctor overdoses and survives, they may have to live with brain damage and supportive care from a family member or be moved to a nursing home.
I want to warn people that any suicide plan, no matter how foolproof it may seem, could end in disaster. Physicians who attempt to take their own lives may survive and be left living with excruciating pain from their injuries.
Self-inflicted gunshot wounds to the head do not always result in death. While the expectation is sudden death by firearm, I have cared for patients who have survived gunshot wounds to their heads and these suicide attempts may leave the victim living with a permanent disability.
When health professionals have suicidal thoughts, they may consider more issues than the least painful way to die; they also may not want to leave a big mess to be cleaned up.
Postvention is what we do in the aftermath of a suicide.
Suicide postvention involves helping people cope with what happens after suicide. What is it like for friends, coworkers, and family members?
After a suicide has occurred, postvention is all about helping the loss survivors—the family, coworkers, friends, and other close people to the suicide victim. They need help dealing with cleaning up what has been left behind. They need help handling the trauma, confusion, grief, and also to tie up loose ends left by a life that has ended too soon.
When suicide is attempted, and the person survives, we must also plan for what to do when life goes on. Either a suicidal doctor decides not to kill themselves, or they attempt suicide, and the attempt does not end with death.
What happens when doctors survive suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts? Do doctors who planned to kill themselves go on as if nothing happened? Do they simply go back to work?
What is the least painful way to live after surviving an attempted suicide?
A doctor working in an abusive healthcare system is in pain. The pain is not physical, but it can be intense, relentless emotional pain.
Here’s a letter I received from a suicidal doctor:
The decision to go to medical school was wrong. The idea that I could use the talents I have been blessed with to make a difference was a sham. I am called obscene names on satisfaction surveys by patients for not filling their prescriptions for narcotics, tranquilizers, amphetamines; called to task by supervisors for my arrogance at adhering to medical standards of care; and drowning in debt I can’t escape by bankruptcy. I am in the process of stacking my life insurance to adequately care for my wife and children. I know how and where. Knowing I am not alone does not change things.
With permission, I published a book of letters from suicidal doctors. Reading these letters can help us all understand why so many doctors secretly want to die. Download the free audiobook, Physician Suicide Letters—Answered.
The pain of living with human rights violations, inflicted by a non-caring healthcare entity, can be excruciating pain, worse than almost any imaginable physical pain. Doctors are used to the pain of complex bureaucracy, endless work, disrespect, late hours, and taking work home, some documenting medical charts in bed until they fall asleep on their computers.
At some point, for some doctors, something snaps, and they can no longer take the pain. The pain is so bad—death seems to be the only way out.
Some doctors may escape through addiction to alcohol, or an opioid addiction. They try to kill the pain with substances, rather than the irreversible solution of self-inflicted death.
Still, addiction itself often ends in death. They say that addiction is suicide on an installment plan. Maybe the best solution to prevent suicide is to take away the source of pain.
Quit your job and divorce your husband or wife—now.
People are hesitant to give life-changing advice. What if the advice is wrong? No one wants to give bad advice on a major life decision.
If I saw someone being eaten alive by piranhas in a river, I would not hesitate to tell them to get out of the water immediately. What if I saw someone being eaten alive by their job or their marriage?
Maybe it is time that we see situations for what they are. Doctors who go to work and then think about killing themselves don’t necessarily have a mental health problem—they have a job problem.
Planning for what to do after contemplating suicide should include radical removal of the abusive job that is causing extreme pain. Quit the job that is killing you, and you can’t go wrong.
A job that is killing you is not worth the money. It is not worth avoiding confrontation or hurting people’s feelings, because they don’t want you to leave.
If you know you need to quit, and you don’t know how—ask for help. Sometimes you need an advocate who will stand by you and say it is okay to save your own life.
Do suicidal doctors have to quit being doctors?
What percentage of doctors have had a suicidal thought at some point in their career? Could it be as high as 100%? It might be 100%.
Suicidal thoughts do not have to be about wondering what the least painful way to die might be. Suicidal plans do not have to include buying a gun or looking down from the ledge at the top of the building.
A doctor might call their life insurance agent to check on their policy benefits. Is the suicide clause in effect yet? Will the wife and kids get paid in the event of suicide?
When doctors go to a psychiatrist or psychologist, they are at risk for being turned in to the authorities. Health professionals are encouraged to rat each other out about addictions and self-harm thoughts.
Does having suicidal thoughts lead to doctors losing their license? Not necessarily, though if it gets to the medical board, they may actually discipline doctors for having a natural response to intractable pain.
To avoid medical board punishment, a physician friend shared:
After reading an article about one woman’s journey through hell after being honest on those [medical board] application questions, I sought care an hour away. I drove an hour in another direction to nervously fill prescriptions for antidepressants. I required several meds to stop thinking of suicide all day every day. My suicidal thoughts were 100% work-related.
You have a right to be pain free.
Euthanasia is assisted suicide. One person helps another person to end their own life, with the intent of ending intractable pain.
Suicidal doctors have asked me to help them die. I do not help doctors die by suicide. I help doctors live and enjoy their careers.
A hospice program, similar to euthanasia, is a humane method for helping a person with palliative care before death. Often, a morphine injection in hospice becomes a lethal injection when it causes respiratory depression and death.
In many developed countries, euthanasia is not legal. In some countries people may be punished and shunned after surviving a suicide attempt. We would like to think that there are always alternatives to suicide, even when there is pain that won’t go away.
A lethal dose of morphine may make sense to some people when the dying patient has terminal cancer and not much time left to live. But what if the pain is from an abusive career choice?
Anesthesiologists have the highest suicide rate among all doctors and due to their easy access to painless lethal means victims frequently end their lives through intravenous pain killers and anesthetics.
Why does it seem so unthinkable to tell a doctor that it is fine for them to quit? Leaving an abusive job and starting over may be the best suicide prevention strategy.
A doctor can leave their job and still be a doctor. Doctors can be pain free, free of abuse.
Execution by employment must stop.
It seems ridiculous that we would expect someone to find a way to survive in an abusive, painful job. Yet as health professionals we follow our calling by taking an oath.
Did we take an oath to harm ourselves? Have we become disposable people? When did doctors agree to be expendable?
Even though we say healthcare workers are on the front line, as first responders, we are not military personnel at war. It is not the same front line.
Doctors must not be expected to give up their lives for their profession. The job is expendable, not the person, or even the career.
A doctor can still be a doctor, even after quitting an abusive job. All it takes is some simple planning.
Enjoy the sunrise without fear of pain.
Imagine waking up, early in the morning, right before the sun comes up. You walk outside, as the first light shines through the clouds.
People are getting ready for work, ready to face the grind of rush-hour traffic. They are lining up at coffee shops for a rush of caffeine and sugar.
What are you going to do with your morning? Maybe you will go back to sleep and get another hour or two or rest.
You can dream peacefully, until your body is ready to awaken naturally. There is no pressure from anyone to move, until you are ready to move.
Or, you might decide to take a brisk walk around the neighborhood, a bike ride, or a nice jog. How you spend your morning is completely up to you—when you take back your freedom.
What is the least painful way to live and the best way to be happy?
Instead of worrying about the least painful way to die, we should instead ask ourselves how we can continue living with less pain. Suicide is an escape from unbearable pain with no end in sight.
There are always solutions other than suicide. There is always another way out. Do you have a bucket list? Are there things you would like to do or see in life?
Why not start fulfilling your bucket list now? There is nothing stopping you from going almost anywhere and doing almost anything.
If you can’t afford a plane ticket, take the train or bus. Or just start walking.
Anything is better than suicide. You never know what magical experience life will bring to you if you just hang on for one more day.
You can make a decision to try something new. You can make a decision to do what will make you feel happy, fulfilled, and grateful. All you have to do is make a decision and take action and change your life for the better.
If you are suicidal and need help please call 988 (National Suicide Helpline). If you are a DOCTOR or MED STUDENT who needs peer support you may join our physician trauma recovery group.
This song helped me survive the worst moments of my life. Please listen . . .
still going to kill myself if you see a child by the name of peyton know that it is me and that nothing in this stopped me from doing it
If you are a health professional (med student or doctor) please reach out to me here. Alternatively, you can always call the national suicide helpline @ 988 in the USA. If you can share with me what country you live in I may know of other resources.
Nurse here- what contacts do you have for Australia?
Choosing to become a nurse is my biggest regret in life. I’ve been struggling with (mostly) passive suicidal thoughts for a few years now, thanks to this awful, thankless profession. I feel trapped and have no idea what to do. In addition, I recently lost my job due to hospital closure and my partner is putting pressure on me to work, which is straining our relationship. My life is filled with depression and dread and I don’t know how much longer I can deal with it.
Entering health care as a profession is often a trauma response from childhood. Can you share more about why you chose to pursue nursing and what age you were when you decided to help others heal?
ALSO please know you can join our peer support groups (mostly docs tho0ugh we do have an NP in the group) and you could always launch your own coaching or consulting business (and that way you could control your own hours and not have to be an employee). Do share your dream. What if you hit the lottery and you could create your dream life & job. What would you do?
I’m a 40 year old male. You took the words right out of my mouth. Exact situation. I have 2 children keeping me here. Only reason I feel the need to ever open my eyes again.
put it on gawd
I know this pain. I’m wanting to end my life, I am a nurse and I should know better but I can’t do this anymore. My kids are young enough to forget me and they are able to move on. Depression wins….
Hang in there. Keeping you in my prayers.
I’m a vocational teacher and and it’s the same for me. Too much pressure form the education institutes, I work 24/7. I’m not a health care professional but I totally understand what it’s like to be overworked and unappreciated, with no light at the end of the tunnel. Just day after day of torment. Stop the world I want to get off.
I am a physician and I regret that I chose this profession. I am so sick and tired now. Feels like I am appearing for exams since I am born. I feel that I know nothing, that’s why state test me at every step !! My partner is also a doctor and we hardly even talk . There is so much of work related problems , ego issues , work life imbalances and no love in life . I so badly wants to die a painless death.
Anu I would be happy to help you find a fulfilling career in medicine. You have so many options. Please don’t give up. Reach out any time and I am happy to talk. I run a free helpline for med students and doctors here: https://www.idealmedicalcare.org/contact/
I’m a dentist… my brother is addicted and all the time he want my money and because I don’t want to see my mom’s pain I paid but I can’t continue any more… my relationship is bad to by bf is always cheated on me. That’s really enough for me
Hi.
Do you know of emergency lines, chat lindes, whatever, that run in Portugal and are active at 2am still?
It’s the second night I’ve planned on killing myself.
I’m sorry to ask this.
988 in USA. Helplines in Portugal listed here: https://findahelpline.com/pt/topics/suicidal-thoughts
im a 12 year old girl with cuts on my arms im attempting to starve myself and i have nothing to live for.
Please call 988. Have you spoken to a counselor? Free resources available to you.
i am too there is no point to live anymore.i cant find it to kill myself i have tryed so many times and still cant. i will find a way
I am looking for painless and sure shot way to die.
Don’t try to convince me to change my mind.
I get it
the resources are shit. they dont help
I agree
damn
Tonight my psychiatrist of 8 years has given up on me. I guess I have expressed ideation too many times. He was actually the only remaining person I had faith in. He was a lifeline, which has now also been severed. I am alienated from both parents, had a painfully misunderstood childhood, was assaulted in college (never told a soul) and physically /emotionally abused by my fiancé in grad school. I broke it off when he tried to end me, but … I was so mistrusting and hyper vigilant by then, it led to a lonely life of self-isolation and constant fear. I have been a hospital based medical social worker for all my life. A lot of the same grievances as any MD, except a larger caseload of hostile, dysfunctional, broken and traumatized patients, and 1/4th the salary. I was conducting inpatient psychiatric assessments while I myself was suicidal. Witnessing the disillusionment of MD’s and RNs and the complete failure of our mental health treatment system—which I was a provider of, I became despondent, lonely, hated my job, hated my life, and wanted to die—just didn’t know how to make it happen. Quitting one job only to start another was just more of the same. Exhausting. Pointless. I am on 3 antidepressant/anxiolytics, dependent on Xanax, and still possible that I will burst into tears in front of a co-worker every day. This life must end. I am so relieved that I have finally given myself permission to let go. I don’t want my last moment to be a painful one, and I hope I have the meds to make that happen. I have already traveled to a strange place that is so remote that next-of-kin will never find the body. If such thing as the soul exists, mine is ready to be free.
Amen to that. I was just looking up which meds to use. Massive dose of a GA such as STP and HCN? Not something I want to get wrong. I don’t want to swallow a bullet and leave that for someone else to deal with and have to clean up. Got everything in order and bits done, letters writted but access to the prefered GA of choice is now like rocking horse sh*t to get hold of. Suggestions?
Unfortunately, a lot of people working in the mental health industry should not be there. I hope you find another profession you are happy with, one that doesn’t trigger your past. I have been hospitalized numerous times, no one has ever asked if I have been abused, assaulted, raped or threatened. It’s like trauma is not even considered before force medication and hospital malpractice and abuse further compounds a victim and survivor’s trauma. I was locked on a unit with a man sexually harassing me and threatening me with murder. Staff did nothing but gaslight me, walk him by my door and act like I was the problem for complaining about it. Serious damage can be done by people in the mental health industry who are so desensitized and traumatized themselves.
I know a young lady who was happily married but for some reason began seeing a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist urged her to divorce her husband so she did. She then put up naked photos of herself online. Unbelievably she told her ex-husband that her psychiatrist blamed HIM saying that she wasn’t responsible because he made her self-esteem so low. Psychiatrist may help some people but I’ve seen them do much damage too.
As the child of a psychiatrist I can confirm that sometimes psychiatrists can actually damage people they love and/or care for. Since I was raised by a suicidal psychiatrist, a psychiatric social worker (who died by suicide), a child psychotherapist, and a philosophy major with failed marriages to two psychiatrists, a psychiatrist friend suggested I read Children of Psychiatrists and Other Psychotherapists—the first book to “explore the paradox”—of why “the very group of people who ought to be the best prepared for raising sane, mature, ‘normal’ children is reputed instead to fail at a spectacular and grotesquely comical scale.”
There is always a different path. It just seems too difficult or too much to even consider right now and I understand. But you owe that chance to yourself!
I owe no one or myself nothing. Just want to close my eyes and never to open them again
I hope you’re still here. Email me if you need to connect with someone who understands what you’re going through. JHFocus@yahoo.com
Hey Payton. If you’re still checking this site out; write me. I bet you’re NOT a child. Me either. I get you. And agree. So maybe, before we go, we can have a word or two. I would ❤️ to have a conversation with someone who gets it, before I go.
The feeling is real. So many people get it. I was suicidal 6 weeks in bed. Couldn’t get up. So glad I kept breathing as life has so much more to offer if we can just keep breathing. Avoid making a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Please contact 988 to talk to someone 24/7 who can help.
“Permanent solution to a temporary problem?” What a fucking cliche. Especially if you have been miserable most if your life but one last thing drove you over the edge & is certainly not “a temporary problem.” What horseshit
CouLdn’t agree more. When I hear cliche lines like that I just know that person is full of shit.
After dealing with > 1,700 doctor suicides I can assure you that leaving your physical body is a permanent solution to what often is a temporary problem that can be ameliorated with proper intervention. Of course, our thinking patterns are distorted during depression and suicidal thoughts. I myself was on the verge of ending it (or wishing I could just die in my sleep) back in 2004. Was in bed for 6 weeks. Glad I ultimately found a solution for my misery in a career change.
Agreed!
every time i have told my parents that their mental abuse is causing serious depression in me they said that suicide is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem
Sometimes parents do not know what to say to make things better. Parenting doesn’t come with an instruction manual As someone who has been severely neglected I can say that I love my parents though they were ill-equipped to give me emotionally and spiritually what I desperately needed. Harboring resentment and anger will continue to cause injury to yourself. Please seek help so that you can heal. Giving up your life is never the answer (and if you believe in reincarnation you end up returning to complete the tasks that you left in this lifetime) so . . . isn’t it best to feel your feelings deeply and heal with the support and love of those who care for you? One thing that has helped many doctors who have been abused as children and then traumatized again in training is the Ho’oponopono forgiveness prayer which can be done as a meditation. Would you be willing to try that? The prayer has helped me immensely.
Total fucking bullshit. I have Borderline Personality. I will NEVER be better.
Permanent solution to a permanent problem is more like it
I agree. I await death, but commiting suicide takes more bravery than I can thus far manage.
I feel this deeply. It’s an insulting line.
The problem is Cronic and progressive. How is this temporary?
Same ❤
Hey, I could use someone to talk to as well that understands I’m also here to listen ❤️ Could really use a friend
I’m seriously thinking of suicide at 63. We both have the same birthdays and I want to talk to you as much a you may want to talk with me.discussing our stories is half the battle, if your still her Ashley. Please contact me
If you are who I think.., I think of you…
You can reach out….
Please
What u going too do .lfeel the same way .not sure how to end my life. But can’t cope with living looking for asissted dying. Or some help.o
I could too Ashley. I took a temporary loa from NP program and I don’t know that I want to go back. I fight the rising tide against my desire to just be done with life every single day….Why push forward with a lifelong goal?
To everyone who ever wanted to be a healer and who is hurting, please reach out to me personally here. I can help you. Contact Pamela Wible
Can I be ur friend? I need someone to talk to,I feel so lonely
ill be your friend
I feel u maybe talking to each other wd help I dunno I so lost an alone I’m so done I dnt fit in anywhere happyemma1231@gmail.com pls feel free to mesage
Same here buddy just like me I am struggling but if I stop thinking to the future and my family meaning my kids am done for so please I say please but nothing else as am not sure what to really say to you and not really sure what I will do so take care
Hello hope you’re doing better I also have problems chronic issues as it seems you also have or have had stuck in a hole sure wish I could get out Chris
Hi, just sitting here, thinking of suicide, as many times before. I am an alcoholic and I have tried everything and I do mean everything and I was on Effexor and it was making me not crazy. I’m on Vivitar shot. Also, I was making me a help me not to crave alcohol for four days and then today was my first day and I drink like a six pack. I was just so distraught because I was so happy for four days.
Myself as well lived w incurable kidney disease since 17 im 42 have had over 24 stents aced in kidneys another dozen others in past 15 years on life support for septic shock and now diagnosed w kidney cancer i dont want anyone to see me go out looking 95 I am at peace stress is causing migraines now seizures to where I cannot breath and become placed on life support read about helium passing i am not scared im at peace can text 814 three three nine 2 one three 8 i can easily pull off was full time nurse then health decli ed ending that just don’t want scene left w what helium method requires i am tired of hospitals im dying from the inside slowly get admitted then it repeats enough is enough
Please don’t do it. Praying for you. It will be well with you.
Prayer is a waste of time. There’s no one listening as evident in the holocaust as well as the bombing of Nagasaki and Hiroshima Jesus is just another character in a fictional book, written by man 300 years later.he didn’t even smite the Germans. It’s a bullshit story.
I so totally get this. I have had this feeling for a long time myself. I try to respect everyone and be a good person, it gets you a lot of nothing. In May of 2009 I had an accident, fell off the roof, and have a traumatic brain injury along with chronic pain from my neck to my fingers. My wife of 27 years helped nurse me back to health and then berated me when I wanted to stop working because I mentally couldn’t keep up and was being bullied by a supervisor to quit. I have come to believe all I am is a disability check to her. Wife told me I was lazy and just didn’t want to work any longer. This coming from someone who quit her job 2 years before the accident. She has lately begun to tell me I am the most racist, anti-anything but white male. She quit having sex 15 years into the marriage because it is nasty and she has become a Buddhist and is now celibate. that is horse shit, I spoke with her monk and he assured me that is not a part of being Buddhist except for certain practitioners. He himself is not celibate so this is just an excuse for something else. Today I find out from her how useless she thinks I am and re-iterating that she wants me to not talk with her any longer. I stupidly held on because I still loved her, this now has ended. I realize how stupid love is to make you continue living like this. So no I really think religion is just a money scam and a way to control like everything else. This really has been going on since 2009 and it won’t go on much longer at all.
I have had enough and the “permanent solution” is what I want, stop the pain, and mental problems that have been furthered by her.
I just can’t take it. It is hard being disabled and having no outward appearance of such.
Thank you for allowing me to write this out. I am in the process of writing letters to all I love trying to explain this.
God is the only thing that has kept me alive and gave any meaning or purpose to me this whole miserable existence. God is real whether you choose to accept or not you religious bigot godless biden voting worthless POS.
Prayers won’t stop the mind if it had already think a way to die
Prayers won’t stop the mind if it had already think a way to die I have been having suicide though since I was a kid I
So I think I’m going to do it in the future
I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was around 11. I can’t actually recall earlier than that (maybe even as far back as age 9). Dysfunctional family and chaotic childhood with being kidnapped 3x before I was nine SO . . . Please know that things CAN get better. What has kept you here since you were a kid? You have survived so many years of suicidal thoughts. What has been most helpful for maintaining hope?
“What has kept you here since you were a kid? You have survived so many years of suicidal thoughts. What has been most helpful for maintaining hope?”
But Pamela, your comment above reveals that hope is a lie because the desire, thoughts, painful feelings always resurface. I am not trying to be rude, just truthful that there really is no life affirming solution to alleviate the psyche suffering.
Same bro 😎
Life sucks and its your choicd end of story
Go watch Hamza mate he could help you get through this or watch Fight Club
They could fix you
Hope you not dead
I know that sex is good and t g e swinger life style is a way to feel pleasure even if your life is unbearable join a stingers club or some kind of sex Society before you go and fuck your brains out and then after that you do that if you still feel like going to have to go at it
Can I please just have a lethal dose of morphine? I’m begging! I took 60 propranolol & 30 Klondine two summers ago and just wound up in icu for a week then the psych ward for a month, my fault! Had I not called someone when I couldn’t stand up long enough to feed my cats I would be free of the pain that is everyday misery. People Say “it gets better” no it doesn’t
I am so scared of being locked up again. Fucking suicidal watch MAKES one suicidal.
I feel you on that. Part of my sadness is how rude some of the staff can be. It’s like why choose that job if you’re not capable of showing emotions.
I’m ready to take a full bottle of amlodipine with a full bottle of Xanax.
Only thing holding me back is my cat
Please stay here for your cat. You will find that animals can be lifesaving in this situation. have you heard how many people who survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge experienced regret the moment they jumped—and are so glad to be alive now! Keep breathing my friend.
Your so lucky bro
I wish I could kill my self the correct way
I just seen this. Please don’t. I hope I’m not too late 😔
Hallo Peyton ,
Are you still here , if so I am sorry for you .
Best wishes to you .
Omg
R U still alive
End my mother’s suffering from me.
How about ppms sufferers there is no light at the end of tunnel I want to die before I lose self will
im with you man i have been treated like less than a dog in life did way too much for too long been battling lupus and 5 other auto immunes my family is so hateful and angry that i survived corona they abuse me hourly after 36 plus months of this treatment think its time to throw in towel no reason to keep fighting to live when those around are bullying me to brink of death never ever met a family that is angry their mother and relative survived but thats my reality so soon i will stop the insulin and stop being a body collecting a check for their rents only to be battered 28 to 30 days monthly i never hear a kind word or have a kind act done to me or around me is systematic abuse verbal physical and emotional then left to solitude in rooms human can only tolerate so much eventually they die and that is where i am headed which is a total shame since i adore living am a fantastic pianist, friend, daughter, nurse and closet korean have been on their language for over a decade thank god i paid to travel there 2 times with a side of japan i saw, ate, danced, swam, made friends total heaven on earth i was fighting to live to get back to korea but it wont happen now my family has effectively killed me off and its super sad to be so hated
I thought only poor uneducated people were the only ones considering ending this life.
Not funny but I’ve always realized everyone ends up the same. Just hoping some act of (God) or whatever you/ I believe in sends a sign that shows me a different path.
We are ALL in the same boat. Doctors may have one of the highest suicide rates of any profession. Watch this very short video (that went kind of viral on my TikTok) and you can see WHY even people who are successful can be in deep pain and end their lives. This guy is amazing! And tomorrow is National Physician Suicide Awareness Day.
dont kill yourself, you would die if you do that
Omg are u fr and btw after this comment imma fucking kms bye
damn not worth it
I have been a pharmacist over 20 years working in retail. I agree, healthcare is the absolute worst profession. I hate my company, my job and most of all myself. I can’t help but feel worthless, useless, piece of crap that doesn’t deserve to live. I don’t know how to perform data entry, check for interactions, fill the meds, verify the whole Rx, ans the phone,run the register, give vaccinations and the drive thru all at the same time all while giving a joyful experience. I give up! I’m done! My biggest fear is that it won’t work & I’d be trapped in my body for the rest of my life!
Please contact me here. I’d love to help you see a better future.
Why? Why are doing this? You have only a very short time here anyway, we don’t know if we just fade to black. So why not just get away from all the bullshit and do what the hell you want to do. Hey enjoy the light until you can’t! Once we die man no more color, light, stupid people, no more anything and a definite nothing!!
Wrong. Absolutely wrong. No surprise though. Everything we have been told for 2000 years is a lie.
Cool, are you still here or did you succeed
Nobody cares life is a choice
This was a good read, thank you.
I am old (73), working but it gave me so much stress I had to take a leave.I need to go back to survive, but don’t want to . I’m suffering from depression, my rent keeps increasing
I’m almost broke, and I don’t have children. I’m suffering terribly. I don’t know what to do.
If you are a physician or medical student please join our support groups. If not, I do recommend you seek out support groups either on social media (Facebook has so many) or live in your community. Finding a good therapist would be very helpful as well.
Not a dr. But have had suicidal thoughts off and on since I was a kid. I’m 37 now. Married and have two kids. However, my wife is a gambling addict and Ive tried everything to get her to stop. She’s taken out loans, ruined her credit and just about anything else you can imagine a compulsive gambler does. I don’t want a divorce at all but the issues are becoming unbearable and the kids see it as well. It’s also stressing me out and affecting my health. I don’t think I’ll ever have the courage to go through with suicide but at the same time, I’m so torn on what the next steps are, I might act on impulse. I work long days to pay all the bills and provide for my family and my wife works to gamble her money away. I’m Trying to give my kids everything but she’s the opposite and I think divorce is the best option but I have a hard time letting go of anything. So splitting from someone I’ve known for 20 years is tough but may be necessary. I just stress about the ramifications of divorce because I have a lot (house, truck, money) to lose and she has nothing. I would be damned if I was going to give her one penny after all I’ve dealt with including her stealing thousands of dollars in cash I had in our house and opening cards in my name and maxing them out.
Oh please get guidance from a trusted counselor, pastor, priest. You can have a n amicable split. Self-love required that you no longer accept abuse or neglect in your relationships. Please seek counsel with a trusted advisor. Sending love ❤️🩹
Mike, I feel your pain. I too went thru what you are going thru . Everything I had worked so hard for was all in vain . My wife at the time . Gambled away so much money and our life savings . Then she hit me with a divorce because I became distant . California being a no fault state I lost everything . My house which was paid for is gone . Now I live with my parents because i have to pay her 1k in alimony per mo for life . I don’t want to be here anymore . I just want you to know you are not alone . I can’t kill my self but I don’t want to live either . It’s just one day at a time . I hope to be in sn accident or something that takes my life so I don’t have to do it . But I feel your pain . I hope things get better for you .
This comment has nothing to do with you or what you wrote that are true. But after suicidal thoughts, I ask God what would you say to me asking for your help. And in my head I see God saying something like this…your words but He Jesus is the husband to the earth. Earth is wife. ” I would be damned if I was going to give her one penny after all I’ve dealt with”
So ya, I ask. Has God already separated himself from people after Adam sinned. Did he just say…let them go and not recieve help. Like Jesus prayed, but Jesus never spoke “God saved me or helped me” Jesus spoke God gave him everything. I think our depression, and really since doctors are depressed to I think it’s everyone’s depression, is because we have everything. Maybe, it’s useless. The people we have, are useless, the jobs, the loans, the eyes, the everything rules, Maybe its all useless…it’s all there everything for a reason. By the way. This is just my thoughts about helplessness. Go on and do it. I would say im helpless with everything I have, I am actually helpless… that’s why I think about heaven as death. It’s scary, but the everything God gave us, is scary too. He gave us heaven and death and fear to hold us captive. We know our history and we teach it. I liked learning history, but now I think, maybe I liked hearing the past suffered. I would tell the past, in 2k years, people suffer the same problems. Helplessness.
I am a nurse of 32 years and retired. I CANNOT LIVE WITH PAST TRAUMATIC INCIDENTS. I AM 72 AND FEEL USELESS. wHAT METHOD WILL BE LESS PAINFUL TO DIE?
Are these traumatic events work-related? I’m curious what have you tried previously to ease your emotional pain? BTW I have felt useless at times and I can relate to what you share above. Oh and very, very curious WHY you chose nursing as a career. Please, I hope you will write me back. 💕🙏
Here if you need to connect with someone who understands. Feel free to email me at JHFocus@yahoo.com
Why are shunned and made to feel less human just because we feel we WANT this as a treatment option… we’re done. Let us go! We want to go
i agree with you ,im not afraid to die just hate pain im not depressed just bored with a life that i cant change i have a husbnd and chikdren all grown up except on eldest are 36,35 26 youngest 15 soi cant leave her yet ill wait untill she leaves home hubby been depressed three or more years 27 in we should be happy but hes not i cant help him any more im melting in total sadness for us bot i love him and he loves me but i can not live this life of no joy ambition for much longer i need to go before he does i couldnt cope with his hypercondria and issues he has ,i know i sound like a real bitch ,but im so done and for me i have died twice before mdr meningitis and sepsis got sent back lol i learned i need to move on to the next stage of existence and im really excited about it jusy really dont want pain ,sepsis was worse much worse than giving birth so np pain and im off 🙂
What has helped you in the past? Have you tried trauma-informed therapy? Help is always available
Speak with someone today @ 988.
Agreed. I live in misery and loneliness. I actually loved my job as a nurse but recently got admitted to the hospital where I work after a suicide attempt. Colleagues saw my name on the hospital ED online portal. My career is likely ruined. I’m not depressed. I’m lonely and tired and have no joy. I don’t understand living just for the sake of continuing to breathe
Jeez, you’re my twin! Exactly the same. This is wht i dont want to mess it up by getting it wrong.
That is so well articulated. ‘I’m not depressed, just tired, lonely and there IS NO joy’. It’s not life, it’s not existance, it’s….punishement. If there’s a hell, I’m already in it.
This! I don’t love nursing, never did. I don’t hate it an more either. I went in to it to support my child as an early 20’s single parent fresh out of the service. I never got any child support. Not a penny. I’ve done nursing for 28+ years, plus time as a CNA too. I’m at the top of the pay scale, BUT it stole my son’s entire childhood from me and MY life too. I barely remember him as a kid. He thinks I never loved him and gave him to my Mom. My mother pretty much raised him, while I worked all the time (or lose my job). I didn’t have the choice he thinks I did. I also worked weekend alternative for many of those years, as well, which killed any social life and any chance of finding a soul mate. Here I am, 55 yrs old, stuck alone, dating guys too young for me, usually younger than my son, playing sugar Mamma, maybe out of a desire to recapture what was missed, idk, and getting my heart broken over and over. Nursing played a part, but now, it’s loneliness and some midlife crisis nightmare I cannot get out of! Don’t tell me to get out there and not be isolated. I AM out there! I have classes and lessons and social groups and vacations, etc, etc. NOW I have the time for it. I didn’t when I was young. What I NEED is the love I have NEVER had or had time for. Any chance of it went out the window with this vile soul stealing profession that pays pretty well, but not if you factor in the cost of your soul. I just want to save up a thousand stolen potassium vials and inject them all at once and stop my heart. It may hurt but at least I won’t run the risk of losing my job trying to hoard narcotics or something. Who cares about potassium? Think that will work? I do not want to get one day older and be any more of a ridiculous old grandmother age creeping on barely out of their teens little boys. I don’t want to be with overweight tired old men my own age either. They all want to show me the same pictures of their grandkids all day, because THAT is their world. My world doesn’t include grandkids and may never and I don’t want to look at your pictures all day, old man.
I want the adventure and the all day sex. I want a good time! I want the LIFE I missed out on. Screw nursing!!! SO tired of doing all that stuff alone. Don’t tell me to “love myself either. I rock! I look great and I have nearly a 6 figure income and my own house. Sure I could love myself more. I’m not a narcissist, but I think my confidence is better than most. I get the attention of 21 year old boys, STILL! I meditate. I LOVE people, really I do. I enjoy making friends wherever I go, but no one resonates and no one sticks for long. I travel. I look myself in the eyes in the mirror and I love my time alone in between activities, but I can witness the most beautiful sunsets over the water, go on vacation alone, see a fantastic concert, spend all day in the sun, take goat yoga, etc, etc, etc and I just want to sit there and cry, because there is NO ONE I connect with to share it with and I am SICK of doing it all alone or with “friends”. I bought 2 upgraded tickets to Formula One and the Ed Sheeran concert in Austin last October and had a sweet AirBnb that I paid solely for. I had the tickets for months. All a friend or date (and the date would have got laid) would have needed were the airline tickets and their food. Shoot, I even tried to find a date IN Austin with some dating app and all there were were creepy guys who couldn’t even get through 3 sentences of chatting without getting inappropriate. NO TAKERS for that extra ticket with upgrade, $250 down the drain! I had a blast, true. It was great, but it could have been epic with a partner. I don’t even want to tie a guy down. I’m too old to want babies. I own my house. I don’t need support. All I want is to love and connect with someone and have fun and adventure and sex with. They act like I want to chain them in the basement. Nope that would be the young girls wanting you to make babies and buy them a house. I just want to have fun! It’s like they want to complain they can’t find a hot thin attractive woman who isn’t psycho and wants to have sex,but they RUN from me! I just want to have fun or die! I want to have some fun before nursing takes the last breath out of me. My mother was a CNA. She retired 6 years before she died at 71 years old! Stroke that left her partly blind followed 9 months later with a massive MI that killed her. At least it was fast! I could go with a massive MI. She wouldn’t have retired at all if her vet brother didn’t help her with her bills. She worked for her last few years, sick as a dog, losing like 30 lb, but couldn’t get enough time off work to follow up with doctors to fix it. Turned out to GB disease- easy fix, if you can get time off from work for doctors and surgery. I’m sure the overtime she chose over seeing a doctor contributed to her early death. I don’t want to go like that. I want a LIFE NOW with a soulmate who is FUN or I want to be dead. Give me that potassium or suggest something better, painless and easy to find. I’m so done! I have done all I want to do ALONE. There are lots of things that still look like fun, but all I see is sitting on that South American beach ALONE watching a beautiful sunset ALONE, uh sex ALONE. I hate to be explicit, but it’s 2023 and THAT is the major reason that I am just done. I could go on.
When in your life have you felt witnessed, understood, loved? Most of us simply want to be witnessed and loved unconditionally.
I get a lot of what you are sharing. I’m also 55. Childless. Gave the best years of my youth to my profession. I don’t have regret though. Somehow I ended up talking to suicidal physicians all day. Strange “hobby.” So many people tell me just having someone to talk to who will not judge them, has saved their lives & given them hope.
Spend time with dying childen keep them.company and make thier life more eventful as much as u can and somebody will help u in time
This may be the best solution I’ve ever heard.
Thanks
What I need is not MORE death and dying. I am already a nurse. I get smacked in the face every work day with my own mortality. I don’t think needing younger patients is the problem. I have appreciation for life. I just see no point in life without relationships of some sort. I don’t want to NOT live, I just don’t want to live ALONE any more! Every comment is in some way about giving too much and not getting anything back, be it the job or personal lives and I am completely out of any more ideas to solve or deal with my problem.
Most who die by suicide do not want to die. They simply want to end their pain. You can often end your pain without ending your physical life.
How is that possible ???
Kat,
I would not only date you but I’d swoon you. I’m 51 and prior military. Still in great shape, strong, very virile and a lot of fun. I’m into a lot of the things you mentioned. I’d love to kick it with a healthy, slim girl who has her shit together. I get attention from women all the time but even good sex isn’t going to fulfill you if your spirit is suffering from injustice. I’m on this thread because my divorce is final soon and I’m being alienated from my small children and am about to lose my house and everything and start from square one. I’m in the skilled trades and make good money but lately, I can’t seem to keep a job more than a few weeks because of my attitude and severe depression. I’ve had what most would consider a hard life but this divorce has really did a number on me. The courts are completely corrupt. I’ve had these idealizations for a few weeks now but I don’t think I’m going to follow through.
I came to this site looking for a better way to end my life and your comment reminded me a lot of my situation.
I have a great salary and never wanted for much, but it’s the loneliness for me. A toxic relationship pushed me over the edge to a breaking point. I could never wor enough or be successful enough. I now she won’t let me see my two young girls and it’s cruel.
The value of a partner who would build you up is so difficult to find.
If you put yourself out there dating, there’s a it of rejection and criticism that destroys me.
I feel like those happy endings are for movies.
I’m gonna have the strength to do it I feel.
People don’t get that being loved, not sexual but just loved is a myth. Dating sites are bull and I guess I like being tortured by my partner because I hate myself and feel I deserve it.
No salary I’ve ever had and I do well, has ever made me feel better.
I know how you’re feeling. Just wish I had a friend to talk too about this an them actually know the feeling
Dear Kat, omg you are the female version of ME ! I can understand your problems and your worries when you want to love a man, maybe like me? If u don’t mind, I can tell u why you’d be loved by someone like me, hopefully u will listen. Someone like u belongs to me, and Lord knows I belong to u- so we belong to each other baby. This goes to my head! listen, there are times when we are down and out, esp at work, trying to be that star, don’t worry, I won’t bust your bubble. You are a queen to me. We belong to each other. It just goes to my head. Let’s be a part of everything we say and do. Wow Kat, I understand your worries. If you’ll only call my name out. I’ll be there where you are. U belong to me!!!
This goes to my head, and I’m comforted hoping I can make you happy !
I have been dealing with this thought years and I can tell you the best feeling I have ever had in my life was my granmal seizure where my heart stopped. It was also the worst feeling I ever had to be brought back. I wish that I was let go then. I don’t believe in the afterlife and think that what I did see when I had my seizure was beauty. It is now about 30 yrs later and I want to recreate that situation again. I have had a few seizures since but nothing like that one 30 yrs ago. But non the less I am ready to go. I have lived a full life and am done. Wish me luck
I wish you luck to stay alive. As I too feel the same and need to know that someone who can relate is still going and waited for joy to come again, just as we know sorrow has been present. I was in a car crash a few years ago. Most traumatic experience I had in my life. Always wanted to leave this earth since I was 9. Hated my childhood and had the worst relationship with my mother. No extended family to reach out too and support me. If anything I’m convinced it’s my blood everyone has been waiting for. Fake support filled with abuse and I too have now become verbally abusive. 33 year old single, no job. Business failed, studied social work but fd up my final placement by bring a big that had prohibited items by error, a sim card and cable wire for a charger. I was on placement in a prison, uni decided to not let me pass though being wrongly withdraw the year prior and appealed back in 2012. Since then tried other work in health care, zero hour contacts no oensikn. Micro managed to fail, everyone present created a illusion of support which came with insult. Men that show interest abuse their position in my life, those that came through my mother more so, afro culture treat women like trash. Always wanted to be happily married and gave kids now I just wish I died in the crash instead of trying to find ways to die. I actually think I might do it, would be my 5th attempt, hopefully my last. Also weird spiritual things been happening actually saving me, was the final reason to keep going, just because of the intervention that is a miracle but I’d rather meet that miracle in person, to prevent hurting others because ifvmy pain. Just wish I had someone that was truly there to watch over instead of just dying but truly hate those I ever knew, the system and tidays religion and society. Its turned me instead of helping when they could. Been in too many ppls lives to feel this misunderstood and unloved and supported. I did well to get to 33, but it’s almost time to go back to wherever it is I came from. No man or child would prevent this feeling, my dissertation on postnatal depression makes it clear it likely will get harder and if I don’t have the support now, it won’t be there when I have a child. And the recent men that have come into my life only wanted me to have a child with no proper commitment. What else does a young woman need to see. I did not come into this world to suffer, but that’s all I’ve ever know. Have a huge bbl loan but did not save my life, if anything it made it worst, ppl around me now only wanted money to enage with me and showed that they had underline hate towards me. That said, if I’m here next year that is another miracle. Sorry for the long post just need a place to vent. I was thinking tonight 🤔
I’ve had a few of these many years ago. I attribute them to prior drug use. The last one I had I was at a casino in Detroit with friends. It was so surreal. Seizuers always are. I had a couple before so I knew what was about to happen to me and I was scared. When I went under it was like a deep dream state and suddenly I was in another world. My journey through this realm felt like months even though I was out for only a couple minutes. I don’t really recall what this realm was like but I was not alone and I wanted out. I came back briefly to see my friend in my face asking if I was ok. Then I went under again for what seemed like a long time. I finally escaped and woke with my friends and security there ready to escort me out because they thought I was drunk. I was very light headed coming out and told the security I suffer from seizures. That was early 2000’s and I haven’t had one since. I’ve heard that people get delirious when they are on death’s bed. I think the nearest one can get to death and survive would be a seizure.
Youre not missing much with no kids mate. I have one who doesnt want nothing to do with us and its making me not wanna be in this world without him in my life. Dont want to continue living without my child in my life. Everything is pointless when even your blood and flesh doesnt want you. It says a lot about the kind of human being you must be for this to happen.
My daughter’s are the same way. I love them with my heart and soul. They blame me for a painful childhood because their father was bipolar. What’s the point if your kids don’t want to be in your life.
If you need a friend or someone to talk or correspond with, I am selina 2562250663.
I believe I’ve settled on the method.. I’m going old school, think late 1800’s anesthesia tech.. profit has destroyed the American healthcare system… I do have a rare disorder that’s quite painful and can’t get proper treatment for.. I can’t believe it’s 2022 and everything is so trash the majority of doctors want to off themselves.. certainly wasn’t the case decades ago. Oh well, enjoy the droughts, global warming, novel viruses, wars etc etc.. oh, and appox %33 of all insect species has died off globally since 1979.. there’s only one outcome, for everyone, with the collapse of the insect population.. I’m just heading to the party early..
Please be more specific Mik.
i feel that
I asked for ways to commit painlessly, not a list of reasons to not kill myself.
me too
And I
I think the least painfull is jumping off a high place but I am not sure if that really is the answer but that does not matter anyway because I cant do that in my area. I have stoped drinking water but this also might be painfull in a few days or hours so idk what to do I guess
Yeah no shit
I get you.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
We all need to meet up. Get drinks & discuss this together. Maybe even go together could be nice lol
literally
right
Haha me too. What’s the point any more.
Lol
I agree
Honestly the only reason I’m still here is because of the mess I would leave behind. I can’t figure out a way to not leave a giant mess for whomever might find me to witness and potentially have to deal w.I don’t want to leave more trauma behind for someone else to have to carry for the rest of their life. I don’t want to hurt anyone in that way. I don’t want to go into why I’ve chosen this path because it’s just irrelevant at this point but what I don’t want is to leave any part of my pain behind for someone else to then be burdened with
This right here! I get you.
Wasn’t what I was looking for, that should be false advertising. This world and any life in it is pointless.
It’s strange how as children, teenagers , we have more feeling i.e pleasure. For me anyway. Wonder if this is true for alot of people here on the message board. I ain’t sure how I feel stable pleasure nowadays.
I feel the same my life is pointless now, i was enjoying life then everything went wrong. i had a stroke 3 years ago, I have multiple things wrong with me and tocap it all I fell down the stairs and have not been able to walk for nearly a year, I have no one to talk to, my husband does not seem to understand how I feel, we have no social life anymore I think it would be better for me to finish this miserable life, as euthinasia is now legal in Spain I was thinking about that as I don’t want to end up more disabled than I am now,I am so ready to go now.
I too was wondering the fastest most painless way to just leave the planet. no mentall illness just sick of the futility of it all. my life is miserable. i don’t want to be here anymore. its that simple.
Please call 988 — 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. If you are a medical student/physician contact Dr. Wible here for additional help/resources.
They don’t help at all.
I called the hotline and she said “all I can say is call 911 if you want to die.” I started to cry and tell her I was alone and suffering. The lady shouted, “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT!” I asked if I should call another line because maybe she was only there to tell you to call 911. She said in a harsh tone, “no but I don’t know what you want me to do!”
That is terrible. I have heard on occasion that some have been left on hold or not received calls back though generally I hear very positive feedback from those who use free hotline/helplines. I would call again (as you will get somebody else who likely has more compassion). Even people who answer suicide helplines can feel hopeless at times. We have neglected our mental health for generation in this country (and even worse in other countries like China where they do not even believe mental health is a thing!) I’m glad we are finally addressing the catastrophe of what happens when we neglect our psychological health (just as important as physical health if not more).
HAHA.
Have you ever called?? They are NO help. Worse than no help. Because then you realize THERE IS NO HELP. Just pain.
I’ve heard from some that they help they received was life-changing. Example: my cousin called the suicide helpline in the 1970s. He was living in a rough part of the Bronx NY and really tough family situation, violent, drug-infested, poverty and all that. Some random person on the suicide helpline told him to try “yoga.” He never heard of it. Wasn’t really a thing in the 1970s in the USA. Anyway, fast forward—he became a yoga teacher and is now alive and close to 70. He has had a great life pulling himself up and out of some really depressing circumstances.
yes, I have called a few times in the past and it was a busy signal or it was no answer and one was even leave a message
i agree lol just asking for pain free help of this shit whole our beautiful planet has become .i really think we are expected to be depressed or dying ..no just done ..
What is the least painful way to commit suicide?
Probably the way veterinarians and anesthesiologists do it.
Finally a useful comment
cant believe u actually answered the questions LOL
I agree completely. I’m so frustrated because I can’t find a life ending method that is a sure thing.
I went to a Christmas Festival and Markets in the small rural town I live in tonight, and nothing can describe the feeling of total hopelessness that comes from seeing so many beautiful and attractive girls and women and knowing that you are just to ugly to have a hope of even being noticed by them. Attractive people are the fruit – The flowers The grain The seeds – With ugly trash like me the chaff – That no one really needs. So plough me back into the soil, to fertilise the field – Where soon a brand new crop of life is sure to be revealed.
I’m here reading this after I lost my cat, which gave me the purest and most unconditional love ever, now I feel hopeless and don’t want to live anymore, I actually have a ton of problems irl, no money and a painful chronic illness so I just want to give up, but reading your comment made think that you could try adopting one, I don’t consider myself pretty but like I said I was loved so much by my little angel, there are lots of them without a home suffering out there, if you want to experience real love you will find it in them, and you can spare them pain too, the world is too cruel on them, humans can’t be compared to them, they are angels
I agree 100% as I sit here with my 12-year-old kitty. Cats are so very sweet as companions and so low-maintenance compared to dogs.
Irene,
I hope you are alright
I don’t know what to say, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but do you really feel like like that?
im gonna kill myself one day trust me. im 15 but idrgaf about my life
Hey Junaid,
I wanted you to know that you’re in my prayers. I don’t know you, I don’t know what you are going through. I don’t know how much you’re hurting, but I do know this: You are wonderfully made. The amount of things that had to happen to ensure you would be here are astronomical. You are no accident, because God does not make mistakes. You have a purpose. You might not see it yet. But one day, maybe soon, maybe years down the road, you’ll look back and see how everything fell into place. Please stay. There are people who need you. There are people out there whom you haven’t met yet who will need you. Please stay. Praying for you, friend.
Please pray for me,too.
💕🙏 What do you think would be the most helpful for your healing?
Why are you smiling?
where?
i will pray for you .hopefully its not too late
That’s pretty normal at 15 unfortunately but just wait to see what your adult self is like at least hun. Our lives & thoughts as a person changes so much like every 5yrs so just wait til your about 30 then reassess you haven’t even lived life yet. Give it a chance. Travel at least or do stuff u actually like doing. Don’t have to conform
Preach it
I’m 19, I fucking hate this world it’s gonna go to shit anyways. I am going to Kms, I can’t go thur a another year with all this pain.
Please call 988. Help is available. What would you say is the primary issue causing you so much pain? If you had to prioritize. What’s #1?
😢For real
I feel you I have been going through the same thing but I’m 15
I want my kids to know how much I love them. My story doesn’t matter. What matters is this world we live in won’t turn around until you make an effort to make change. Until then you just have to enjoy the suck. I’m tired of suffering, my kids mother is keeping my son from me. The court wouldn’t give me my son when his own step father tortured him, his step father was sent to prison for torture. In what world do we allow are own government to take our kids from us. I hope others start doing something with friend of court.
Ngl I feel like Peyton I want to kill myself I literally can’t stand my fucking life anymore I feel like shit and get treated like shit by my parents so yeah I’m with Peyton fuck life I’m killing myself
Please contact the suicide lifeline at 988. Hours: Available 24 hours.
What do you think could be done to help you with what you are struggling with right now? What have you tried so far?
I want to live but I also want to kill myself. Am praying and hope someone comes to the rescue and saves me but I know nobody will. People say they care but they don’t. Everyone is too busy to help
Once we recognize the source of your pain there are ways we can help ourselves heal. True healing is an internal self-directed process (though it always helps to have a compassion guide or mentor). When did your pain start? Childhood trauma? If you would like to share more, I would love to help you find resources. Of course for emergencies, 988 is the suicide helpline for the general public in USA.
I would like to go back to school to pursue my final course,2year fee is enough for me
I never realized how many people are despairing of life. I must say to you all, ask the LORD to help you and protect you. Many people will say I’m full of it but I would be remiss if I didn’t recommend going to Him for help. I too suffer from depression. I have for most of my life. I have not attempted suicide because I have people and pets dependent on me You don’t know what God has purposed for your life.
LC – I DO know what the LORD has intended for me. PAIN. A mother who told me she wished abortion had been available, I ruined her life. A stepfather who beat and molested me. My mother chose her husband when I was 16. I couch surfed to finish HS.
I am 52 years old, and have NO FRIENDS. I have no family. I try SO hard. TOO hard, I’m told.
I have no sympathy for the privileged problems of doctors when so many deny patients access to things like Adhd drugs or pain meds because of their own selfish biases. They keep people without accurate diagnoses and refuse patients for the almighty dollar. Meanwhile people like me have unmedicated add and addictions are disabled and lived through traumas like rape, that we’re dealing with and with no access to a prescription pad to end things the easy way. Cry me a river.
Actually the almighty dollar leads many docs to dole out drugs like candy running pill mills (not great either). The med board and other regulatory bodies have controlled patients & physicians by limiting our ability to prescribe (or even talk about treatments during the pandemic that may help patients) so your anger seems misdirected. 99% of docs went into medicine as naive young people just wanted to help others, They had no idea they would be swept up into a criminal ring led by the medical mafia. All those who seek to deliver and receive true health are often victims of these dysfunction system. Quick read exoplains it all in free ebook (20-min read): PHYSICIAN BETRAYAL: How Our Heroes Become Villains
Well said
Anyone on the verge of taking their life is not privileged. I hope you find peace.
I plan on killing myself within the next next year. I want to tie up a few loose ends and figure out a way to keep certain people from knowing about my death. Once that has been taken care of and I have saved up enough money to travel to my final destination, I will pack my things, leave, and do what I should have done several years ago.
I agree! I have PTSD, deal with panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, a tremendous amount of anger and the medication that works for me is anti-anxiety medication. Yet, most doctors won’t give me the medication I need because they’re scared to do so.
My anxiety was so bad it was causing various other health problems. I checked myself into urgent care, answered a bunch of questions, ran tests, only to hear the doctor say “You have severe anxiety. I’m not going to give you anything for that because I don’t want to lose my license.”
Over 3 hours at an urgent care facility just to hear a doctor say he’s a coward and he won’t help me?!?!?! If they refuse to help me, I’ll help myself and commit suicide. I’ll be better off and hopefully that doctor kills himself as well. He’s a pathetic excuse for a doctor.
Agree. The opiod crisis is caused by illegal drugs not prescription medications for chronic pain. This has been proven time & again. The CDC rewrote their completely incorrect stats from 2016 last year bc of the amount of chronic pain patients killing themselves. But nobody is listening. Cdc says Guidelines were never intended to be for legacy CPPs, but the dea has caused so much harm to pts & doctors by ignoring the real crisis, illicit drugs, & focusing on legal Meds. But many doctors & nurses are deliberately cruel gaslighting & harsh to CPPs treating us as drug addicts instead of CPPs who merely need meds for quality of life. My pain is disabling and undertreated & I have developed comorbidities bc medical profession has mistreated & neglected me. The medical profession has little to zero empathy or compassion and they have made CPPs lives HELLISH. I’m sick of reading about suicides of lovely people who only wanted a life as free Frim pain as possible so they could walk, move, work, socialise. enjoy their kids grandkids. In other words have as normal a life as anyone else. Excruciating intractable 24/7 pain destroys your physical & mental health-nobody can live with this indefinitely & nor should they. I’ve been housebound for nearly 7 years. People on here criticising & whingeing about their patients need to recognise at least they have the ability to work- their privilege leaves me cold. I have grown to hate doctors, I have diagnosed CPTSD & medical trauma bc of the way Ivr been cruelly treated & left to languish. Treating CPPs with cruelty,contempt & disdain is immoral & unethical. Take a good hard look at yourselves & put yourself in your patients shoes, for once.
As someone else here said Cry me a river. I’ll be dead by my own hand soon, largely bc of the lack of care or support by the medical profession. Do some research and listen to your patients.
My physician friends who listened to their patients and prescribed these opioids—soem have lost their med license and others and in prison for helping their patients. Good doctors being punished. I understand you are in pain. Lashing out at those who want to help does not necessarily lead to the outcome we all wish we had. Caring doctors who could be left alone from excessive bureaucracy to HELP THEIR PATIENTS.
OMG THIS!!! I am also in chronic pain and have literally begged, in tears, owning my suicidal thoughts and desire and need to have more pain relief and been sneered at. If doctors care so much, why don’t they stand up to the CDC and demand better policies? The massive, daily , unrelenting physical pain is what pushes me over the edge and I beg myself to have the guts to just do it!
Me either.
I have no empathy or compassion for those in the medical profession who have made our lives a misery.
I understand the regulations make it difficult to prescribe medications, but there’s no need to add insult to injury by mistreating patients. The deliberate & unnecessary cruelty I and 1000’s of others have been subjected &treated with disdain and contempt is inhumane. I had no idea before I became disabled and in excruciating chronic pain just how many doctors abd nurses are a*seholes.
Charmaine, I am so sorry you have been hurt. Just sending you some healing and hope if I can. What has helped you the most out of all the treatments you have tried to date? How much of your pain do you feel is emotional and a feeling of betrayal?
You may find this free ebook I wrote helpful (quick 20-min read); PHYSICIAN BETRAYAL: HOW OUR HEROES BECOME VILLAINS
1000% agree with this.
I never ever abused this medication and take my minimalist dose daily, but I can’t live without it, it’s been 6 months and I spend my days researching suicide.
No thought whatsoever to the one eyed patient who was doing well on xanax and is 64 yrs old.
My time left is limited. I’m done and me kms will make many people happy. I offer misery and hurt to everyone I’ve ever encountered including family and my children. It will definitely improve their lives when I’m gone. Gonna do a gunshot through my mouth so it will be 100%. The mistakes I’ve make can not be undone and the longer I’m here, the worse for all
Despite tremendous morbidity, the overwhelming majority of patients who present with facial self-inflicted gunshot wounds will survive, especially if they are young and have no penetrative brain injury.
Please call 988. Your life has meaning. Please do not give up.
real.
The problem is for me, it’s not my job but my family situation that keeps making me want to die. But if I cut off from them, everyone else asks about your family and if you’re estranged, then new friends are skeptical about coming into your life. It seems like if you’re born with a family that doesn’t understand you, you’re destined for isolation.
real.
Omg so true. Family sucks also so sad
OMG.So true, family sucks, so sad
Yep.
I have seen more people say that if one doesn’t have close family, its a RED FLAG.
No one considers that maybe the family you shunned was toxic and cutting them off is the only way to survive
I’ve been estranged from some family members due to abuse. I understand.
😢For real.
I hear the plans of action against suicide. None of them is able to restore strength to my weary soul. I’m 62 and have wanted relief from this pain called life since I was a child. I no longer want encouragement to keep going. I want a compassionate, painless way to finally have peace. Someone please tell me how to do this right. I don’t like pain.
I’m twenty years old, my life has been a rollercoaster for most of my life. Nothing really seems to make me feel accomplished or even satisfied on what I do. From my parents being divorced to now not having any family at all. Losing friends along the way which is fine. But how do you expect a person to keep everything up. It’s almost Christmas the first one where I have no one. I have my boyfriend but I don’t seem to make anything good happen. I’ve lost my mother as she disowns me. I’ve lost my father who had just seen me more as a chance of sexual desires more than a daughter. I’ve tried my hardest to speak up and look where it got me.So tell me please, what am I here for.Can I not have a happy family like I’d pray for since I was a child. Did my path go as it was. Did I do something wrong. Why has everything went wrong to the point where I’m tired.
I’ve felt very similar to you at times Kat. When people hear about my life they think I should be dead or in jail or addicted to drugs in the streets. I just reconnected with a woman who knew me when I was 18 (I am 55 now) and she actually said, “I thought you’d be dead or in jail.” SO maybe I am living proof that things can get better. I was kidnapped as a child, starved for food and love during my adolescence, then I became very promiscuous at age 13 (looking for love that I could not find in my parents since I was abandoned by one and neglected by the other). I’ve spent a ton of holidays without the usual scenes that people show on social media of happily-ever-after-looking families (I think most of that is a facade by the way). I guess I just want to tell you that you are feeling the painful feelings that are so common among people who feel hurt by those who you would think should love you the most. I get it. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was 9 years old.
Here’s what has helped me the most:
1) BEING HONEST about my pain and sharing it with anyone who I think has the time and resources to listen (sometimes I’ve felt like I have given my counselors PTSD just by sharing the terrible things that I have witnessed). If I do not have anyone to talk to then I always write in my journal or my diary. THAT has been proven to help people process pain and it is free.
2) CRYING. I have cried my eyes out so many times and it is actually therapeutic to get the emotions out of your system and not bottle up the pain. WAY better than fake smiling on social media.
3) PEER SUPPORT. If you can find others who have endured pain, neglect, abuse (especially similar types) and have a facilitated support group that has been AMAZINGLY helpful.
4) WRITE YOUR MEMOIR. This is something I did at age 53 and I figured out SO MUCH STUFF about my pain, loss, suffering I wish I had started writing earlier in my life. Feels like I put the pieces of a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle of my life together and so now everything makes sense. Surviving all of this has made me stronger and now I can help others. Now I run peer support groups and even a suicide helpline for doctors.
Oh, another thing that is worth mentioning. Sometimes it may seem like some people “have it all” yet secretly I can guarantee that even people like doctors are suicidal and struggling. So just know that you are not alone. We all are facing so much suffering and the most important thing is to keep breathing and share your pain.
I hope this was helpful. I could go on . . .
What has helped you the most?
What have you tried?
I’m curious.
Then I could give you more suggestions & resources.
Being an addict is bad enough but when you’ve lost everything and everyone and you can’t even do a gram of fentanyl without overdosing anymore. I came here to find another way and this is not what I was expecting.I think people should have a right to end their life in a safe way if they choose to. And not to have your body laying somewhere for days and days not sure if someone’s going to find you within the first day or two. It’s funny though people that don’t want to die keep dying get the ones who want to can’t as easily. A poem I wrote many years back I thought I would share real quick before it’s gone along with me.
Things we go through, life and pain. Constantly year after year hearing I am a shame to the world family and friends always just wishing it would all just end. A slash to the wrist? A blow to the head? The only comfort I have is to sit here contemplating ways to be dead. It will happen soon you will see.. next time you look up and see a beautiful bird flying away that’s me finally…..finally free.
We all deserve a kind and humane death. We also deserve to have help while we are alive so that we do not have to leave in desperation and pain. I’ve spoken to many people who attempted suicide are survived. They are so thankful to still be here. Things CAN get better. Please don’t give up on yourself. Help is available at 988 in USA.
I just want to end it parents getting mad at me for school grades.
they see me being depressed and think its something to do with school or my friends. So blind they can’t see they are killing from the inside. don’t see the point in living if i will die eventually. but i don’t want to leave the things i do enjoy.
Please keep doing all the things you love. Reach out to your own support system. Talk to another friend or family member. Text START to 741-741 or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for a free, confidential conversation with a trained counselor. These counselors can support you and offer advice on how to help your friend. Call 988 = 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
Hours: Available 24 hours.
yuri im juts like you everything you just said has happened with me well the depressed part hasn´t happened yet but im sure it will but anyways im kinda scared to just commit suicide because just like you said i also have things in life that i love oh yea and the grades thing i TOTTALY get you there i just wanted to put it out there…. finnaly someone who want to die over the same things pls dont it would be nice to talk maybe become friends?
Many people with depression become philosophical and ask questions like: what is the meaning of life and if we all die at some point then why continue living. The answer the that life is like a sunset, the end of the day night cycle can be beautiful. Sure a sunset happens every day and your life cant be brought back and your expernces also cant be brought back, but it is about the effects your life has a perpose. I am helping you, so my life is effecting yours why do I do this because of the amount of empathy I have for people like you. I am in the same situation as you and my grades were good not mind blowing but good, and my dad still insulted me for the grades and now I have a few f’s and a lot of missing work with no motivation. He also threatens me with physcial violence and see’s me like some toy. You are not the only person that expernces things like this and I hope that you tell your friends or a professional. I understand that you might not want to do either of those options and mabye your parents just dont understand your needs which I can relate to. But please do not kill yourself, even if you feel like there is no escape try, just try tell your friends or someone you trust and you can also do great things even after death. Look at history so many people can influence the Earth in many ways. What things do you enjoy? If you really do like them then try to perfect that and never give up because then if you really do then your dreams will never happen. Just try to listen to this song. If you stop halfway up the mountain you will never see the view. And then you might find the courage to pull through. You might ask how you put up this, then you find a memory of perfect bliss. So keep following your dreams no matter how much your heart aches, because this sad world will need your hope to fix it when it breacks. And in times when you cant take it and you want the day to end, take my hand and you will find that life is beautiful my friend. I hope this has helped you in any way and you get the care that you deserve. have a good day
Yuri. Many people with depression become philosophical and ask questions like: what is the meaning of life and if we all die at some point then why continue living. The answer the that life is like a sunset, the end of the day night cycle can be beautiful. Sure a sunset happens every day and your life cant be brought back and your expernces also cant be brought back, but it is about the effects your life has a perpose. I am helping you, so my life is effecting yours why do I do this because of the amount of empathy I have for people like you. I am in the same situation as you and my grades were good not mind blowing but good, and my dad still insulted me for the grades and now I have a few f’s and a lot of missing work with no motivation. He also threatens me with physcial violence and see’s me like some toy. You are not the only person that expernces things like this and I hope that you tell your friends or a professional. I understand that you might not want to do either of those options and mabye your parents just dont understand your needs which I can relate to. But please do not kill yourself, even if you feel like there is no escape try, just try tell your friends or someone you trust and you can also do great things even after death. Look at history so many people can influence the Earth in many ways. What things do you enjoy? If you really do like them then try to perfect that and never give up because then if you really do then your dreams will never happen. Just try to listen to this song. If you stop halfway up the mountain you will never see the view. And then you might find the courage to pull through. You might ask how you put up this, then you find a memory of perfect bliss. So keep following your dreams no matter how much your heart aches, because this sad world will need your hope to fix it when it breacks. And in times when you cant take it and you want the day to end, take my hand and you will find that life is beautiful my friend. I hope this has helped you in any way and you get the care that you deserve. Have a good day
I’m broke, my landlord is evicting me, and no one will respond to my messages and voicemails. I’ve applied for hundreds of jobs and consulting opportunities and have been rejected by all of them. I’ve run out of time and hope. So, I am looking for someone to assist me in ending my life. There is no reason to continue. Nothing I do or say matters.
I can relate has happened to me many times
Damn you have the same name as me.
I live in constant pain I don’t want to be here anymore
Why are shunned and made to feel less human just because we feel we WANT this as a treatment option… we’re done. Let us go! We want to go
I can relate. The pain is overwhelming. I think my time here has run its course and all I want to do, is go. Peacefully. To those here feeling this way. Know that your not alone. So not alone..
What do you think would be most helpful to help you heal? (Besides departing)
Dear Dr Wible,
I have just read your article on What is the Least Painful Way to Die. It has struck so many very loud chords with me.
The idea that suicide is voluntary euthanasia for mental health pain, that our language around suicide is counterproductive, that one searches for the least painful way to die and not wanting to leave a mess. I have been trying to work through these questions alone, as a suicidal person, for the last 5 years.
I cannot tell you how many times I have spoken to people both within and outside of the medical profession and thought “if only I could be honest, if only we could change the narrative here, then perhaps we might see real change”.
Your work focuses on supporting healthcare professionals. And I get that. And I commend that wholeheartedly.
However I want you to know that those topics above resonate so much further. So much further.
I am not a healthcare professional. I am not even living in the US but my god do we need places and people with whom we can have these open discussions, without fear of legal or moral judgement.
Suicide is an option. As you say, it is not the only option, but it is certainly an option. Right now, your article is the only place I have seem that acknowledges that. If only there was a place where I could explore that option without fear, shame or secrecy, perhaps I would be lead a different option. But calling a “suicide prevention hotline” already has a pre-determined agenda. If some-one wishes to commit suicide why would they call a place that, by its very name, contradicts what they wish to explore and discounts it as an option?
My parents we life members (oh the irony) of the Dying with Dignity movement, campaigning for the legalisation and acceptance of voluntary euthanasia. They brought me up discussing death as a normal part of life so I consider myself “death positive”.
I am reaching out today to see if you are aware of any forums the topic of suicide as simply another cause of death can be discussed rationally, thoroughly and without judgement. I feel so strongly that I would like to be part of that discussion. I feel so strongly that if I could be part of that discussion then I might find alternatives to voluntary euthanasia by suicide.
Even if you do not have an answer for that question, I wanted to thank you for at the very least speaking about suicide within a framework I have not seen acknowledged anywhere else. It is very helpful to know that I am not the only one with this line of thought
Thank you for this forum to discuss suicide.
I wholeheartedly agree with Thank You’s entire post. I would also like to know of any discussions of alternatives to voluntary euthanasia by suicide. Let’s face it: We all are going to die of something,correct? Myself, I have a Diagnosis of C-PTSD w/Survivor Guilt and Panic Attacks & have been a Serial Rape Victim throughout my 65 years of life. So, like a Diabetic who succumbs to an early death due to their disease, due to my Depression and emotional suffering I will likely die by my own hand (suicide). I think everyone who read your article simply wanted to know WHAT IS THE MOST PAINLESS SUICIDE?
Hi Faith. I just called you and left a long voicemail. I am glad you are still here with the living. Though I live in a state where physician-assisted suicide is legal (and I do believe people should have access to painless lethal means when they have terminal illness). In Oregon that is defined as a terminal physical illness by less than 6 months to live. I do believe that we are not offering the spiritual therapies that would be helpful for people who suffer soul wounding. I discuss that in the article I referenced earlier: Is suicide a good option for me? To answer your question the best I can (as I have in previous responses) I believe the least painful is likely what veterinarians & anesthesiologists use—lethal doses of IV Pharmaceutical meds (that are used when humanely ending the lives of pets, for example).
This article repeatably talks about how hard and pervasive suicide is with doctors. Normal people in even higher stress jobs suffer just as much. I am sick and in my opinion doctors don’t care, are condescending and all around suck. So I don’t care to hear about their high stress lives. When they really don’t face near the stress and anxiety associated with other careers.
I understand your animosity and lack of empathy for the suffering of doctors. Their lives at a distance may seem like they “have it all” yet I can guarantee that these once idealistic youngsters who enter medicine are wounded beyond comprehension to those who are not in the medical profession. They are working 28-HOUR SHIFTS (illegal in any other industry) and training programs are involved in human trafficking on foreign medical graduates. We witness people die. We don’t have time to cry.We are in more pain than you can imagine—thus our high suicide rate.
L – here is a letter I got from a doctor in India on November 18, 2014. My doctor suicide helpline serves medical trainees internationally so I hear from suffering people in Pakistan, India, UK, Australia, etc . . .
Dear Pamela,
Hi, der. I don’t know how thankful I am to you for writing that article on physician’s suicide. I really wanted to hug you after reading it. I had really rough day after seeing 130 outpatients and around 60 admission emergency in a 12 hour duty. I work as a final year MD internal medicine resident in one of the busiest hospital in India. I saw a part of myself in every page of your article Just couldn’t stop reading the article. It is 3:00 am in the morning here and after a physically and mentally demanding day of work and studies reading your article was the best thing today.
It takes me 5 hours by flight to reach my home from my hospital. I have my wife and 6 month old son (whom I been with for 15 days since his birth) at home. I work day in and out just to be with them once in 3 months. I don’t see my colleagues smile, I hear my patients misery every day. I smile and crack jokes even when I am sad so that I can bring some joy into my patients sorrowful life.
Today I saw this patient who died, married with a son, the only earning member of his family …….his widow just wouldn’t accept that he was dead. She kept talking to him. I just didn’t know what to feel ….. I was numb for a minute thinking what if that was me …. And the kid is my son…..
I see deaths everyday in ward …..I don’t know if you would believe me, but 4 deaths per day in a single ward of 40 beds overcrowded to 125 patients admitted at a time. Two patients on a bed, two lying together on the floor. Poverty, misery and pain all around. I have declared 12 patients dead in a day during one of my duties. I just don’t feel death anymore, just don’t feel human. My uncle died recently, I felt nothing deep inside just some memories and that is it.
I write this mail hoping that the way I survive my day would help you in helping others.
I always wish my colleagues and say hi when I see them in the morning. Say hi to everyone from my ward sweeper to the guard in the ward. I never eat alone and always make sure I share my food. I always smile whenever I talk to my patients. I hold their hands when I talk. Listen music whenever possible. And everyday whenever possible I talk to my wife, father, mother, and brother (all of them are doctors).
But still this profession demands too much from us. I have thought about giving up and suicide a thousand times ……the misery was too much for me to see 12 people die in a day. The only thing that keeps me moving forward is my family and friends.
I appreciate what you are doing. It took me 4 hours to write this mail. It is 7 am in the morning. But your article was worth it. Thank you. Thanks a lot…..
Dr. Varun
Varun died by suicide on June 14, 2016.
The world has lost a beautiful healer. RIP sweet, sweet soul.
I’m holding onto suicidal thoughts I have once attempted suicide in 2008 and 40 years old I married only reason why I still live because for my daughter but it’s so hard when you do nothing wrong and everybody in your family looks at you with negative impulse every little thing you do for them they’re never thankful or grateful always be used and I’m hanging in a thread now I’m having these thoughts now and my daughter is turning nine my husband treats me like a child even though I work two jobs and they’re both full-time in health care as a PSW I’m only with my husband because of my daughter Because I have seen children who committed suicide when their parents are divorced and no one can tell me no cause I work at a child’s hospital
I am so sorry to hear you are suffering. Do you have a therapist or a counselor? Anyone who you can confide in? Very true that when one family member dies by suicide the other family members are at higher risk of suicide. I know several families in which multiple family members have died by suicide (and then sometimes the still living loss survivors will develop a rapidly progressing cancer like pancreatic cancer). Example is the suicide of mother and daughter Rhonda & Kaitlyn Elkins: https://www.idealmedicalcare.org/happy-med-student-dies-by-suicide-due-to-perfectionism-and-loneliness/ afterward Rhonda’s husband Allyn died by pancreatic cancer. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was nine. I can say that my life was worth holding on to because my pain has allowed my to share my healing journey with others. Pain can become a healing gift . . . if we don’t give up on ourselves. Sending you love 💕🙏
I have had suicidal thoughts my whole life.
They got worse after my brain surgery left hippocampus/temporal lobe.)
I didn’t want kids, got pregnant on the pill due to Tegretol.
Mental illness & addiction runs on both sides of my family.
My brother & two uncles committed suicide.
Every day I have to fight the desire.
I have had 3 near death experiences from seizures.
I don’t know how to keep fighting this constant desire?
73 year old retired police officer. I spent my entire adult life trying to make people safer, protect them from those who would prey on the weak and be one who placed integrity in the highest regard. Now, people hate police and unlike every other group, it’s ok to stereotype them. I can no longer hold my head up and feel my sacrifices in both health and injuries as well as psychological damage, was a waste. I’m unmarried and live alone. My final failure, for which I hate myself is that I don’t even have the courage to kill myself.
It’s ok not to be ok, but main thing is u push through it, there will always b light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe I should take my own advice!!
I hear you.
Thank God you don’t have the courage to commit suicide. As for those who hate the police, that is *their* problem; that is not natural.
The police are given to us for protection. Thank you so much for your service.
As for not being married: maybe that is good. It gives you peace for a while.
Don’t measure yourself according to rebellious, unthankful people. They are not the measure that makes any kind of sense. Your sacrifices were not a waste. Thank you.
Paul I hate that police are stereotyped so much too. They are like the most compassionate and professional people I have ever met. People have it so wrong.
FWIW, not everyone hates the police. Many of us see it as a noble and caring profession, a career that is selfless and brave. The corruption in it is removable, imo, but will take time. Meanwhile, the easy way is to paint all police with the same brush… so I am sure it is overwhelming. I am sorry. You don’t deserve the backlash. But it’s real and very, very harsh. I hope that you can, again, hold your head up. You devoted yourself to protect and serve.
I really appreciate that the author of this article acknowledges that the problems that cause suicide are real and not because the person is unstable or has a mental illness. I have been trying to get out of a bad situation for years, applying for new jobs, trying multiple solutions and approaches to solve a serious problem. When every attempt fails, I only have the option to keep living in extreme degredation or end my misery sooner. I’ve run out of things to try. When I ask people for practical help, they treat me as if I have a mental illness and insist that my very real problems are all imaginary. If I say a family member hit me or that I feel sick, they say I am playing the victim and call me a narcissist. Most people are so condescending when talking about other people’s thoughts of suicide. This doctor got it right. It is intolerable injustice and the behavior of people that cause suicide. I spent last Christmas scraping rotting food (thrown deliberately by another adult) and maggots off the bathroom floor and people say if I am depressed I must have a mental problem. I’ve had enough.
that’s just sad. Mental issues are real. Mental disorders are not imaginary at all. many of them are chronic, incurable, and cause physical problems too. There is clearly something wrong and you won’t even admit it. wow.
there are actually CLINICAL illnesses like anxiety and depression that are REAL and that the afflicted have to live with their entire lives and it is incurable. There is no way mental illness is fake or imaginary, it is more real than anything you will ever know or feel.
wow. There is clearly something wrong and you won’t even admit it. you just deny your mental problems. Chronic mental illnesses cause physical problems and they are very real. there are actually CLINICAL illnesses like anxiety and depression that are REAL and that the afflicted have to live with their entire lives and it is incurable. There is no way mental illness is fake or imaginary, it is more real than anything you will ever know or feel.
I’m in a state of continued emotional suffering, it’s been the steady drum beat of my inner voice since I was 11. I’m considered successful, handsome, kind, and intelligent. I hate, hate, hate my life. I want, need out. I’m rational and I’m done with it. Please respect the request of informing how to die painlessly. I want to escape the very pain I’ve been suffering, not compound it.
I’m an RN. Ten years in to the career. I knew it was a mistake the first six months. Doctors, nurse management, coworkers are all so violent and abusive. There is so safe spot. It took my entire health from me. Now I’m diabetic, have an autoimmune disorder, caught Covid from and ended up with permanent organ damage. And eventually I’ll kill myself. The damage done is so pervasive and irreversible. There’s no help and no hope. If I quit my job I lose my necessary income. If I stay, I die faster. For a large swath of us there is no fixing it. There is no hope. It took my health from me and I can never get that back.
I hear similar stories from so many in health care and I can validate the feelings as a once-suicidal doctor myself. Have you thought of breaking free and running your own business? You can do that in health coaching and even as an RN. You do NOT have to continue to be victimized by a toxic health system. You can feel better. I’ve witnessed many people come back from the precipice of death and despair by setting boundaries and refusing to be abused any longer by employers (and family members). Incidentally (just curious) how old were you when you decided to pursue a health career? Did you know when you were a child? What inspired you originally to take this path in life as a nurse?
Thank you for this read, I have been in and out of suicidal thoughts and attempts which my father committed suicide 4 years ago in a un imaginable way and I feel i have the same fate which weights heavier on me… Reading a certain part of this really hit home for me… I am a opiate addict from chronic pain from a car accident which I have been on sublacade for 4 years after becoming addicted to oxycontin and fentnel but the words “addiction is suicide on a installment plan” really made me start thinking…. The last time i attempted suicide was 2014 and caused permanent damage to me brain and neurologically… But suicidal thoughts are like a plague when you continually beat yourself up and continually believe your not good enough and this game called life and self sabotage yourself… its hard to break the cylce… hard to reach out for help I don’t say anything because I dont want ppl to worry or maybe think I dont mean it and avoid talking about it all together…. its harder to ask for help about suicide then asking for help for addiction feeling of shame, and being a burton…. Anyways my comment probably doesnt make sense to anyone exept me but thank you for letting me express some emotions…
Your comment makes perfect sense and I think you would find help with Dr. Mark Leeds who specializes in helping patients with addiction recover and live their best lives. He is in Florida. https://drleeds[dot]com
Wow, I’m always in the ‘other’ category. The care I provide is so thankless. I got the career to be worth something and yet it is not worth a mention. In my profession this stuff isn’t talked about, I don’t have the same access to CDs so I guess less risk. Life is challenge after challenge with no reward. I’m still no better off without having a painless way out.
What career do you have?
I am a Marine biologist ?. .
Do you currently have (or in the past have you had) fulfillment in your career? Why did you choose marine biology? Seems so fascinating and endlessly interesting. . .
I am 14 years old and i want to kill my self, all my life i have been trying to fit in and make friends but everyone just likes to make fun of me because i am “fat” they call me rude names and push me around and hit me. my family doesn’t care either they do the exact same they also leave me out of everything and when i have an opinion on something they don’t agree with they beat me i am just tired of living the same shit everyday.
Jade please know that I have seen teens turn their lives around once they get out of high school and find real friends who see them for the beautiful person they are. High school can be so superficial and trust me I never fit in and always hung out with the misfits and underdogs. You can still have a great life. Don’t let these circumstances steal your life. So many of my friends were bullied (by peers and even family members) and they chose to continue living and now they have completely different and much-improved even joyful lives. I’ve been passively suicidal since I was nine. I can tell you that things will get better. Please seek help. Call 988. They can speak with you for free 24/7.
I think when there’s nothing left in life to enjoy and it is void of friendship and love it’s time to go!
Hi Pamela
An interesting forum. My name is Maurice and I’m 73.I am here because I would like to die painlessly as possible. Reading all other people’s stories I generally get where most are coming from. What I hate is the dumb comments from the the a/holes who talk about prayer and god’s plan for us. It would be nice to be able to go through life avoiding reality by holding on to fairy tales that humans have created to explain the inpexplicable. God and religion are creations of the human mind to explain the universe but these explanations are delusional.
I was raised in the cathol]ic church and made to attend cathol]ic schools and received violent beatings for asking questions that were inappropriate as they questioned what I had been expected to believe as “gospel”. i was an excellent student academically but this was of no account. My parents did nothing to protect me from the Catholic violence and besides were too busy arguing and beating up one another. I had 4 siblings who also gave me a hard
time. I had a severe nervous- breakdown in my last year of high and spent 5 mo+nths in a mental hospital, I turned 18 in hospital. In the whole time I never had a visit from a family member or inquiry from my school or fellow students.The following year I worked on a farm and got my health back.
I went back to a school at a public school and was top of the final year class. I won a scholarship and went to university and completed an honours degree and became a secondary school teacher. I went for about ten years but got ill again and had to resume medication for depression and anxiety which I still take. I retired from teaching 18 years ago. I have been married twice and have a son from my second marriage who is a drug addict, he is 33 .I have lived alone for 15 years and have no friends or connection with family. Somehow I have managed to survive but the only reason I haven’t killed myself is my fear of death which is a result entirely of my catholic indoctrination. I am not religious and I don’t believe in any god or gods or heaven or hell although I can tell you my life is and has been hell. My illness is probably genetic as my paternal grand mother had a similar condition as did two of my father’s siblings. I did not intend to have children which is why my first marriage ended and unfortunately I weakened and agreed to having a child with my second wife. He suffers from anti social personality disorder and has pretty much done what he wanted since a young age. He is intelligent but is living the addiction dream and nightmare.
I won’
t bore you further but to say that I wish I had never been born and for years have wished I could have killed myself. I have a safe full of guns, heaps of medication and have read all the ways of committing suicide that are available to me. I had a number of girlfriends who suicided and while I was sad I also envied them. Of course I am going to die eventually but despite everything I wish I had never lived in this miserable world assuming of course we really do exist and I am not living in a dream or should I say a nightmare.
Best wishes,
Maurice
Curious what you have ever tried that was helpful. Seems you have had periods of remission. Sending you support and would love to hear more of what has sustained you this far.
I notice you keep telling people to contact the suicide hotline however these provide no help either. They provide cliche pre written responses and tell you the same crap everyone else does “please reach out to your doctor or find a therapist” yadda yadda. Alot of people are too intelligent and self aware to accept these cliche responses as help. And, unfortunately people just need to let us die. I hear things like “wanting to kill yourself is selfish”, well thats a two way street. Asking someone who is suffering to stay on this earth because you can’t emotionally bear to be without them is also selfish. There is no happy medium. Also, people like me exist who don’t want to die, but need to die. When your body is mangled from physical trauma and you suffer with full body pain everyday that a normal person cannot even fathom….we deserve a way out. We deserve medically assisted suicide. I have no quality of life, can no longer be intimate with my husband, can barely move, and when i do i get a new injury to add to the list. Im painfully existing with no joy to be had. You have no idea how much i wish death had pity on me. Id like to die painlessly under a doctors supervision but since here in the USA its highly frowned upon i may just jump off that building.
Medically administered suicide (via one’s personal physician) is certainly merited when terminally suffering and is legal in Oregon where I work. I’ve helped my patients with terminal conditions gracefully exit and this is certainly the least painful way that I know of to die by suicide.
This is an extremely underrated piece of writing. No amount of therapy, aka cognitive re-framing, can change one’s circumstance, actual adjustment to ones way of life is needed, be that quitting a job, divorcing a spouse, or disconnecting from parents.
Wdym this writing is false advertising. I wanna know how to die but this is just why not to.
There are pros & cons to every decision and wise to consider all options before making an impulsive decision that you may regret.
Its just too miserable
Try, try and try to get help and nothing. Mental health plans that go nowhere, 2 year waiting list to see a useless psychologist who cannot accurately diagnose me, psychiatrists want $900 just to do an assessment. Homeless and unemployed for almost 10 years and I’m not coping. They say get help but there is no help. My dog is the only reason I am still here. When he dies I will end my life for sure. There’ll be no reason left to live then.
Pets have saved many many people from making the decision to end their lives. You may find the best help outside of allopathic medical system which is in devolution. I’ve find the best help for my suicidal thoughts via “alternative” healers.
Everyone has different reasons for attempting suicide, but all have three things in common: a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness.
The best antidote to these is something to do, someone to love, and something for which to hope.
Agree. Love your last name. Has a hopeful ring.
We will die one day one way or the other, why not just do it now then later?
I think this advice is half awful and half acceptable… if someone survives with excruciating pain for the rest of their life… what right do you have to require that person continue living?
No requirement to continue living. Death with dignity is legal in Oregon and I have helped terminal patients with medically assisted deaths.
I currently work in the health care field and I love my job. I have 4 children and two grandchildren. I love my husband but now the my kids are older and they have their own life, I think it’s safe for me to checkout. I love God and I know where I’m going. To heaven. I’m just tired. And sad. Nothing brings me pleasure. I wasn’t a good mother. I didn’t know how to protect my children from been molested . Now they have also issues and there is nothing I can do to change their pass. I know commuting suicide is going to leave a scared but at lease I am trying to leave everything in order. My will and finances. I’m more worth it death than alive. Money is not everything but it sure will help them. I just want to make sure not to fail on the attempt. I’m not afraid to die. I’m ready
Growing up was hard for me physically and eventually, also mentally. It was because of the care of great doctors, nurses, and other allied healthcare workers why I am still alive today. I am very grateful for what they have done for me so I decided to pursue medicine. But welp, I am dying here. Being an intern, everyone just yells at me, and as much as I want to bear everything so that I may help someone like the younger me, I think I’m gonna call it quits and become a scientist instead. It feels like I have wasted so much time, effort, money, blood, sweat, tears, and parts of my soul, but I just don’t see myself working in such a toxic environment. I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since college and it’s pretty ironic how we, as supposed health experts, aren’t imposing strict lifestyle practices for our own welfare. God.
Read about repetition compulsion (how we end up repeating abusive cycles that are EXTREMELY painful). Here’s an article I wrote on this –> Did your wounded child choose your career?
Pamela,
Do you have to be an MD part or your chat group. I’m a well I don’t know what I worked hard to obtain the following; RN,CCRN,MSN. I was 3courses short of obtaining a post-master’s certificate as a Gerontology APN.
All healers are welcome. We have NPs, PAs Med students, residents and mostly docs. GREAT & loving group! 💕
Are other types of healers able to join? I was a therapist for 20 years… now disabled with brain injuries and auto immune disorders…
YES. Reach out to me here
Pamela,
I’m continuously struggling.
I out out for medical leave and during this time my husband passed away. I was working between three different locations . Location A sent a A card with multiple gift cards which helped us so much), location B 2 friends came with a card and money collected with was amazing!
Location B ( back story was were I worked when I started working at this facility & before I accepted floating) location B sent nothing
A card just letting me know the support me. Nothing
The entire Radiology were notified of my husbands passing . No cards nothing. When I returned a few mentioned sorry for your loss.
My own manager did not acknowledge my loss until I returned to work.
I’m struggling each and every day working here I think about going to HR but I’m terrified!
More and more depressed eac d and every day .
What do I do to put on a happy face?!
You are welcome to join our trauma recovery group. We meet every Sunday. Please see the details here: https://www.idealmedicalcare.org/physician-support-groups-every-sunday/
I am only q nurse. 33 years. Divorced. My ex is deceased.My brother who was 2 years older died last year of cancer. I couldn’t help him. I tried. The hospital, wow, where do I start. I hurt my neck lifting people. Arthritis. Physical and mental pain, depression, anxiety. No hope left. I should be on disability but was told I could do sedentary duty as a RN.I can’t find q rewarding sedentary job. I’m hurting myself working 2 jobs that pay crap, with no benefits. Kids see me rarely. 25 and 29. 2 grandkids. The parents won’t even let you buy them a toy or hug them.The parents aren’t married and fight constantly . My son is bipolar. His girlfriend has MS. The kids see them fighting and cursing one another. I asked my son to stop fighting, he told me to shut the f up. My daughter lives in my other house next door. She has her boyfriend living there. I pay all the bills because they won’t work. She ignores me. It’s all about her guy. I tried to get her to finish her degree but she won’t. She’s always “sick”. Unless it’s something he wants her to do. I’m lonely. Sad, depressed. I work for a private clinic and per diem at a surgery center. The doctor cut my hours again. I have no vacation, sick or personal time. I can’t work the floors again because of my neck and tore a tendon at work in my wrist. No insurance. Workers comp denied the claim. So I’m still broken but working
Diabetic, no breaks. I can’t do this any longer. I can’t not work or I’d lose everything I worked so hard to keep. No real friends, everyone’s fake.
The system in this country favors the lazy and the rich. If I don’t work, I will lose my houses, my car, my kids will abandon me totally if I can’t give them what they want from me. My brother who is still alive takes care of his family and my sis in law. Sure she’s q widow, but I’ve been doing this alone for 25 years. I’m tired. Nothings going to change. Just work til I die. Suffer everyday. No spleen, partial gastrectomy, distal pancreatectomy, plates in my neck. Bone spurs in my thumbs , arthritis in both hands and knees. Yet the social security people say I can work. I really tried. I like my patients, but it’s an assembly line. Docs say move faster. They need 25 minutes at least to recover. I can’t push them out. They were sedated. I was septic , on a vent for 2 weeks. My son wanted them to wake me so he could see if I was still there. The hypoxia and hallucinations were horrible. I disconnected the vent and bit down on the tube. They brought me back. Unfortunately. No bright light. No family greeting me. I was outside the hospital I worked at in the NDE. Saw people dying on the floors. Heard elevator music. Then blue, purple lights. I didn’t want to go back. I could hear them then. Got yelled at and a thump to my heart. Dying is hard, being dead isn’t.
I truly understand dying is hard.
i am 12 i know people wont agree but my dad hits me all the time now and punch me in the face because i steal 20 dollars and
Iam so done with life I hate it I’ve lost everyone that I love I’m my life even though I have 3 wonderful children 2 adults and a teen but I feel as if they would be better of without me. I’ve been an addict and Ibe been narcaned 4 times I was pissed each time I woke up. My fiance died 20 years ago my mom dies and I found her then my daddy drank himself to death and then my brother who I was closest to and related to sucommed to ending his pain. And I just can’t take it anymore. I feel useless in the way and a failure. I feel alone unwanted and unloved. Eventho I’ve gotten clean and have tried so hard but it’s just too much for me anymore. I’m just trying to figure out the most efficient effective and quickest way that won’t be a mess Incase my family finds me. I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPES WITH NO OTHER WAY OUT and I do NOT see nothing getting better for me.
Do you have any resources for California? I don’t think I can keep doing this.
There aint no heaven, and I’m pretty sure I know alot about Hell. So I’m not too worried about what happens after you sign off. Its the way to Do It that puzzles me. A Sure Thing that can’t be botched. That doesn’t leave you splattered about and making a mess. Check out when YOU want to. YOU are In Control, and it’s YOUR life.
Cover the funding for cremation, and you are Good To Go. Sell all your stuff, you aren’t taking it with you anyways, that can cover the costs right there, mates.
I have been a drug addict for 45 years I just turned 59 last Wednesday I tried to overdue those on a fentanyl but it wasn’t strong enough and became addicted to it now I am spending every cent I have on Fentanyl and the only way that I can die is by jumping off of bridge but then I’m going to end up s******* out of a bag having somebody change my diapers how can I kill myself I don’t want to live anymore my kids are growing what can I do
I need help but not in medical field
I’ve been wanting to die since I was 11 and one question whats the point of life you’re gonna end up dying anyways?
If you believe in reincarnation, you may come back right where you left off to learn the life lessons that were supposed to be learned in the prior life. I believe (like any cultures) I chose my parents before I was born and set up the circumstances (even the painful miserable ones) of my life before I got here. We are spiritual beings living a finite human experience for the purposed of soul growth and deep learning. A superficial “happy” life doesn’t give us the friction (and pain) to grow. Just my thoughts. I’ve wanted to die since I was nine when I was in an extremely unsafe family situation as a child with no help from any responsible adults.
What help can you offer?
“First, we should agree that it’s better to say that a person has died of suicide than to say that they have committed suicide. One step towards preventing suicides is to use less offensive and stigmatizing language when discussing the topic.”
Oh dear christ this kind of nonsense just affirms that I AM making the right choice. The whole world has gone stupid and nuts. There’s nothing left I want, nothing good I could ever have. I’m over it. Goodbye. So over it and there’s no point in words or anything else really. It was a good run. Okay anyway. Screw it.
I’m not a doctor. I’m just a young girl really struggling at the moment. I always try remain positive anf try tell myself ‘someone out there has it worst’. This only works for so long. I’ve had therapy for 3 years straight. It’s helped a lot with understanding things that happened in my childhood, but now its stopped, I feel lonely. I don’t have anyone ! I have a very loving, caring, and understanding boyfriend. My thoughts stop when I’m with him. When I’m away and at home by myself, I can’t help but think why I was dealt such a horrific and traumatic life. I believe in God, and I’m still waiting on my purpose in this world, but I’m finding it hard to actually see what it is. I self harmed a lot in my life. I’ve stopped for ages, but I’m always close to doing it again. I think about death a lot, and just wonder to myself if it’s the best thing for me… Just to stop this pain and sadness that I carry with me everyday. Both my parents abused me. Sexually, mentally, and physically. I never went to primary school, and never knew what was happening was wrong. Men would come round the house and do the most disgusting of things. I was tortured in the most hateful way. When I eventually went into care, I was just moved around, and never had anyone or anything stable or consistent in my life. I was torn from my siblings, which is what I’ve found pretty hard. I was taken from my home town and have never been able to feel at home… Not that I know what that feels like. I find it hard to sleep and feel safe. I feel cruel just by being with my boyfriend, because I know deep down, I just don’t fit in. He’s had a broken life too, but he’s got people around him who generally care and love him. I’ve got no one…
Just a reality check not to minimize your suffering or to ever compare your suffering (or life) to others. Most people have their “hidden pain” and trauma that they try to keep secret. I commend you for being transparent, for sharing your story, and for having sought help in the past. I have been through agazillion therapists & all sorts of healing avenues trying to find my why and my life purpose and it has taken a long time, but it is SO worth it to keep breathing and top gain the wisdom of age. I would never go back to being in my 20s or 30s because I was so confused about life. Please just know that if you keep searching you will find answers and I have discovered through my own experience and listening to so many others who have suffered that things do get better. The one thing that has helped me tremendously is writing down my thoughts and in 2021 writing a draft of my life story. Felt SO great to finally see all the puzzle pieces of my life and make sense of my chaotic life (I was kidnapped 3 times before I was 9 year old and both my parents suffer from mental illness) . . . You have a divine purpose. Another thing that helped me is getting my birth chart done by an astrologer who really helped me understand at the soul level WHY I am here and my special gifts. I highly recommend Laura Black (Google her name and Cosmic Consultant) if you do want to have a session. You will need to know the exact time of your birth for the best reading.
I’m upset there’s no answer to the question what is the least painful way to die I’m in chronic pain and just get put thru pt and pain management which makes it worse I wish I could die you people don’t know what pain is or how it’s to be treated badly by doctor for trying to get help pain all day everyday
I want to run away where no one knows me. I have no way to survive. I need my job. The pain of functioning and existing is too much to get out of bed. I have a list I’m working through to try and make things easier for those around me. All the information they will need. I’m in debt I don’t seem to ever be able to get a handle on. Anyone I tell how I feel says it isn’t real. People who are serious don’t talk about it. They just do it. So I’ve stopped talking. I am writing out instructions so ot is easier for those who come after me. I have not husband. No children. And all I manage to do is hurt people and disappoint. All passwords are ready. Life insurance is in place. I have a few notes to write and was getting through an important wedding which was last weekend. I really just want to know what I can do that will not be difficult for family. Check into a hotel? No memories at my home that way. I don’t know what to take. Or do. Trying yo figure it out. I’ve taken a bunch of medicine…but it doesn’t seem yo be doing anything badly taking my memory away. I have about 3 people in care about that im trying to take care of by checking out. Im hopeful the money will make their lives easier. I am sure not doing that here. I really just ant to know what can put me to sleep so I don’t wake up. My psychiatrist of 22 years retired in December. He was the last one I felt I had hope with. Not I keep messing up all the relationships in my life. It’s killing me inside. The pain makes breathing and functioning too much.
It’s really hard to put my affairs in order when there is simply no ability to think or energy to take care of it all. I’m exhausted with no end in sight. Maybe people will understand if everything isn’t arranged perfectly. I’m just so tired and broken
i’m not doctor, but i really needed to read this. thank you, you do amazing work
I was a abused child growing up not sexually, but physically and mentally. It took awhile for me to get passed that. I have never felt loved by my family. I got over it and was getting my life together. Then all three of my childhood best friends and my nanny died in under a 2 year period. I lost all will to live. I still have social anxiety because I am afraid that people will just die on me. I am even afraid to sleep. I feel that I will wake up to another call. I almost died from not eating and the stress in my body. My mother then was diagnosed with cancer. Something snapped in me and helping my mother was all I cared about. I felt I could help and fix it and make the relationship better. I then met a female and got in my first relationship in 8 years. I then find out she was pregnant with my child. The first time in my life I felt some type of happiness. Then I walk in the bathroom and find her gray without a pulse in the floor with blood. I administered CPR and was able to save her. I find out then she had a opioid addiction. I then find out her choices lead to her to having a miscarriage. I broke down and then was let go at my job and lost everything. I then was guilt tripped by my mother to give my vehicle to my brother so he wouldn’t lose his job. Now I am stuck not wanting live. I just cannot deal with them still putting me down when all I have done was try to help. I feel trapped, lost, and already dead inside.
I don’t care about the livelihoods of doctors. They’re worthless frauds and they carelessly fail to help those of us they’re supposed to be treating. I will never be happy, never be whole, never be complete and no matter how many times I reached out for help, they did nothing. I hope more doctors feel an ounce of what I’m feeling and I hope more of them commit suicide. Nurses, too. Fuck all of you.
I quit my job because it left me depressed and now I want to commit suicide because there are no options.
What kind of job did you quit? What kind of job are you looking for (in an ideal world)?
im not a doctor, but i am suicidal. i already have 4-6 attempts under my belt, nobody really remembers how many. i took benadryl. now i suffer from permanent psychosis and memory loss. ive been shunned by my family and even the closest of my friends because they’re afraid of me. if they get too attached to ne, and i kill myself, then what? i came here with the intent to find a painless way to die, as benadryl certainly wasn’t the answer, and now here i am… writing a suicide note to nobody, in a comment that no one will read. how much more alone can you get than that?
Are you Still Here? Regardless i love you and whereever you are… you’ll be having the most fun possible and you will be more loved than humanly possible
how do i seriously die without pain??
I’m not a physician but have been working with a number of them since my sibling became ill last year. Her state has affected my own long term depression, and I’ve experienced gradual, then accelerating, suicidal ideation. Some bad news today precipitated an explosion of it, but these words in this piece gave me pause and the perspective to break through my self destructive thought barrier:
“What is the least painful way to live and the best way to be happy? Instead of worrying about the least painful way to die, we should instead ask ourselves how we can continue living with less pain. Suicide is an escape from unbearable pain with no end in sight… Anything is better than suicide. You never know what magical experience life will bring to you if you just hang on for one more day.
You can make a decision to try something new. You can make a decision to do what will make you feel happy, fulfilled, and grateful. All you have to do is make a decision and take action and change your life for the better.”
I’ve copied these words into my notebook and will remember to read them and reflect on how my own carpentry produced this very uncomfortable bed of nails upon which I can neither think nor rest.
Thank you for giving me this self-help pause.
help please
im tired of people playing games with my head lying to me just to get me to let my guard down long enough to be stabbed in the back i dont want to live on this fucked up planet anymore im tired of being confused hurt and feeling betrayed im heartbroken im going to kill myself because of him and his fucked up ways.
“Has died of” as opposed to “committed” is a complete idiocy and exacerbates the problem not helps to solve it. And you’re a PhD saying such nonsense? What university awarded you a degree for being so dumb?
Take some history and philosophy lessons or read 1984 in the least. Your “Newspeak” is retracting civilization not advancing it.
Killing yourself isn’t a crime. “Committing” implies that it is.
Tone the fuck down with the arrogance.
Hy, Pamela.
I don’t know what should I do right now, but one thing is for sure, I want to die easily… I have too much burden on my shoulder, because my mom put my whole family in debt, and no one can pay it. We lose our houses and broke, really broke… I can live until right now cuz I have a supportive boyfriend. He does everything for me, he spends his money on my daily needs and even pays some debt for my family. Right now I am really sorry for him, I lose face in his big family, he is too good for someone like me, we even can’t afford a wedding because of this. We can’t buy a house of our own cuz he helps me to pay the debt and I still need to provide everything for my family. It’s really painful when you know that there is no future for me, I even can’t get a job because I have no title, I just do my uni life halfway. My older sister still lives pointless and does nothing, I need to think everything by myself and I am really tired now. I just think to leave the world, but sorry for my precious boyfriend. I always tell him, that I want to end my life and he always tries to calm me down, he said that I’m the most important thing in his life, but I really don’t have the heart to put him in such a hard time. He is’t rich enough for shuttle down my family debts, but at least he trying. I am really broke to pay a psychologist/psychiatrist, but I think everyone still can’t help me cuz what I need is to get out of this penniless life.
What is your profession? If you could create an ideal outcome for yourself on this planet, what would that be? Also what city are you in and I will see if I can help you with resources and connections with some health professionals.
Fuk u it’s mad simple just let us know a painless way to die..
I am not a specialist. And I think you should see one. But think about all the people who loves you. Think about your aspirarions. About your parents, your sisters and brothers, their kids, who love you. Maybe you are meant to endure even though you feel bad. I think the same EVERY day but I just cannot enlope because of my family, when you go, it’s not just you who go – everybody goes. And this is something we all should think about. Getting treatment is first option, leaving you can do if nobody can help you. And THEN everybody will understand.
I am not a specialist. And I think you should see one. But think about all the people who loves you. Think about your aspirarions. About your parents, your sisters and brothers, their kids, who love you. Maybe you are meant to endure even though you feel bad. I think the same EVERY day but I just cannot enlope because of my family, when you go, it’s not just you who go – everybody goes. And this is something we all should think about. Getting treatment is first option, leaving you can do if nobody can help you. And THEN everybody will understand.
I know this was aimed towards health care professionals but as a bed ridden chronically ill individual I think the whole ‘nothing is stopping you from living a full life (even just go walk) thing as the main argument for wanting to live definitely does nothing to help those like me who literally want to die because there is something stopping us from living a life.
I have broken my back several times. Manynsurgeries and alternnnate epidural steroid innnnections,
BONE MARROOW, KYPHOHOKASTY,and fell again 3 weeksago; Xrays showed 2fractured L1 and L2. Idevelped shinges after this.
My pain unbelivabnle. My doctors don’t underand the pain It burns, it[s swollen and just toughing is So painful
I just wantb to die
xra7
You know I couldn’t read the whole things coz it didn’t helpd me bcuz I’m leaving in Iran! I Cal it the country of cancer!! We don’t have a decent government no human rights no freedom at all and specially when you have no soport from your parents or your family cuz all 6 of them are broke and I’m the only one who supporting them and at the end of the month I got nothing to save for my future to have my personal life! I mean literally I feel like I’m a dead human walking sometimes and have no budy to share my thoughts to face to face with… I whant to finish my self but have no guts to do it. Sorry if I typed wrong cuz my writing is not good in spelling
I agree. I once was a medical student, and now I’m not. I just had enough. The problem lies not in the profession, but in the person. It’s not about the patients, it’s about the problems cropping up. I, myself had some major philosophical issues. And nobody could advice in the proper fashion. So I quit. Couldn’t take it anymore, I had too much in my private life. And THIS needs to be considered. Being a physician is good but you need to have yourself sorted out. Anyways…..
Philosophically and linguisticsllky, I disagree bigtime. A doctor can say whatever, but a doctor is but a doctor, and he/she has no formal training in thinking or psychology. Neither training in the history of thinking. So, I would say, take a doctor’s advice with a pinch of salt and therenext think about what is REALLY the issue. Cause, most people can’t be cured by a doctor, simply because the doctor dom’t know enough.For sure, bacterial infections they can help, but mental issues you need to resort to, not a psychiatrist, but a therapist. A psychiatrist can give you pills but not remedy your real pain. Your real pain resides n your mental state and there is nothing a psychiatrist can do about this. You need a therapist, or in my case a therapist with deep knowledge about philosophy. No escape.
Philosophically and linguisticsllky, I disagree bigtime. A doctor can say whatever, but a doctor is but a doctor, and he/she has no formal training in thinking or psychology. Neither training in the history of thinking. So, I would say, take a doctor’s advice with a pinch of salt and therenext think about what is REALLY the issue. Cause, most people can’t be cured by a doctor, simply because the doctor dom’t know enough.For sure, bacterial infections they can help, but mental issues you need to resort to, not a psychiatrist, but a therapist. A psychiatrist can give you pills but not remedy your real pain. Your real pain resides n your mental state and there is nothing a psychiatrist can do about this. You need a therapist, or in my case a therapist with deep knowledge about philosophy. No escape.
I live in Iran, all my hopes, my goals, all of my works has been ruined
all members of my family, my friends, my fiancé and my co-workers blame me for my depression. my last therapist betrayed me and she told my boss all of my personal and family/financial issues. everyone blame me for being not happy anymore.
and there is no one left for me to talk and obviously I feel I’m all alone in this universe and there is no string to catch. I’d rather die and not continue it anymore cuz it’s out of control for me. i just wish I’d know if there’s ever been another life or not, where at least i can be happy, i can talk to someone and not being abused. i just need to be free
Is there a suicide helpline in Iran? Are there resources to help with depression? In some cultures there is a lack of understanding about mental health and yet so many of us (including myself) have struggled with depression, anxiety, and feeling suicidal. Please know that even when life presents you with suffering, there is often a path forward.
I am just fed up with life. So I decided to leave my husband and abandoning my children.
At the same time the consequences of taking my life will give too much trouble.
Everyday I am contemplating ending my life. How do I deal with it.
Why is anything better than suicide? Life ends, choosing to end it on your terms is a very logical choice in light of the insanity this social structure expects us all to be enslaved to.
I’m a MD in Spain. When COVID hit, the situation and work overload, caused me to have severe anxiety. I took time off and tried natural methods for months, finally I gave in and tried antidepressants. Worst mistake, my anxiety multiplied x 1000. Since then I have lost my job, have been in pysch ward 3 times, put on antiphyscotics and benzos. 3 years have past and I find myself completly lost, unable to function and druged up. Everytime I try to reduce the medications I get horrible withdrawals much worse than my original anxiety. I feel I have been poisoned by my pyschatrist colleagues. My brain will never be the same. If I can’t go back to my old self I have no interest in living. I have come to realize that suicide is my only option as my situation is irreversible. I see It as brave decision, nothing more powerful and loving towards others, when your situation is irreversible and have become a burden
Oh Mar I would love to speak with you. Would you like to join our peer support group on Sunday? We are all here for here.
Hi Pamela, it would be nice. How can I join? Thanks
Oh please email me here and I can get you involved in our physician trauma recovery group.
Lame
Some many doctors sexually assault harass hurt abuse sloppy work hurt negligent horror shop doctors do us all a favor and jump
The fact that I’ve googled “way to die painlessly” completely shatters me. I’ve never thought I’d come to this stage of my life. I’ve been having passive ideas of suicide. I’m a practicing dr whos trying my best to upgrade in life but everything doesn’t seem to work my way. I feel lost. I don’t know what else to other than being a dr. A huge portion of my life is dedicated to learning how to doctor. Leaving this fraternity renders me useless. I don’t have a wife or a child or anyone to take care. That comforts me knowing if I died no one would be unattended to. I just hope when I try to end my life I won’t be found or survive it.
Please reach out to me personally. I have many free resources to help struggling docs. And we have physician support groups every Sunday.
I just prefer to leave this earth, I failed in many ways, my kids are young adults, they would understamd
I am just over life, I have done all I can for my kids to heal and move forward, I am a failure and just think nothing of myself, my kids will understand and will thrive. I feel worse all the time vs feeling accomplished, I just can’t anymore
suicide doesn’t fix anything, dont be a pussy and give up, your ancestors did not survive all those hardships only for u to take ur own life, honor them, survive the hardships, after all, the world is not a bed of roses…. I also have all those thoughts about suicide because of my problem with studies, parents, etc.. but I have to live with it, and play with the cards I’m given.I know that my life will be much easier and better once I graduate and get old enough to live on my own and leave my family n etc. but I’ll have to wait till then…
Wdym it doesn’t fix anything your literally escaping the problem
That’s you. Not everyone has something to live for.
Been fighting cancer for over 5 years and bave had enough nothing anyone can do just rotting from the inside out I hurt and don’t have much of a bloody life anymore just want it over
Possibly one of the most impressive items of note on this site is the following: “Entering health care as a profession is often a trauma response from childhood.” I had never considered how past trauma had lead me to want to be caring and supportive of others. Burnout is often discussed in healthcare, but I am not entirely sure that what I am experiencing is burnout. I describe it as “soul tired.” It is almost as though I have had my fill of seeing others suffering and done enough of my own that motivation to see that there is something more than pain seems to be out of reach lately.
100% trauma response for SO many of us. Please see the article I wrote specifically on this topic here: Did your wounded child choose your career?
But all those so called drs treat patients like garbage, and when the power, and money no longer drive there bull shit agenda, and not help people,,, eventually these pathetic so called drs feel guilty,. You swore an oath! But yet, you pre judge, assume, and then hold back from helping,, im a chronic pain sufferer, drs treat me like absolute shit!!! I never od, never broke the law, never !!! But yet I have self righteous! Over paid, over educated retards tell me what I need, not, work with me, or give me a chance!!! So to all the so called drs, or frauds!!! That try or do kill themselves,, deserve to rot in hell!!!! I been disabled 2o years! And I now can’t deal with the agonizing pain, and all the bull shit drs put me through!!!!! I hope all you shit drs kill yourselves!! in fact! I’m happy they do!! Life is shit! And all these pretentious ass holes, deserve to rot in hell!!! I am done playing games, jumping through hoops, get treated like a criminal!! Called a junkie!! And I have never abused my meds, and I promised my family (who hate me) due to my pain ruining my pathetic existence!!!!!!that when my dog is elderly and can’t enjoy her life, we both are going to leave this pathetic shit god damn nightmare ends!!! I truly hope all those terrible humans, or so called drs!!! Rot in hell for all eternity!!!! And I hope they kill themselves as painfully as possible!!! I hope they suffer as bad as I have suffered!!!!!! Walk a mile in my shoes! Right straight to hell!! My their souls burn for eternity!!!!
Just give the answer. No need for stories. Just tell me the least painful way to die
She won’t. She’d rather try to convince everyone that there’s help. There really isn’t.
So I’m another individual that’s been suffering practically her whole life from clinical depression. Sad thing is nobody truly cares. I am just so tired of everything. I’m overweight, don’t have a job, no children, no friends, a spouse that travels 8 months out of the year, and parents that honestly should never have had me in the first place. I just love when people think those of us with clinical depression and anxiety can just change things for the better so easily. I hate it here mainly because of how society is. I love the earth, animals, the environment, but too many pos humans are ruining it for the rest of us and I’m just fucking over it. Doctors don’t help and even the mere mention of suicide they want to hospitalize you..been there done that..place was like a prison. How is that helping people? Medications make my weight gain worse which depend my depression. Therapists are a joke. Clinical depression should be considered a terminal illness. Once my furry babies pass, I’ll probably take my own life. I don’t want to grow old here. By the way, some people on here can shove their God speak up their ass…if God loved us so much, we wouldn’t be suffering.
Have you ever been in a peer support group?
Membership in my suicide club keeps dwindling.
Membership in my suicide club keeps dwindling.
Seriously: With internet available, why are we limiting access to education? Every aspect of our education system, k-12, BS, MA, PhD,MD, why are we not making all of that available free over the web?
By limiting access to becoming professional, we put undue pressure on the few who do attain credentials.
Education can and should be made universally available free over the web.
There is no reason to put our medical professionals in overworked and debt positions.
Every once in a while I find a reason to be alive. Maybe speaking my mind and possibly having some value to share is reason enough.
We act like education is a limited resource. Put all medical education on line. Open new avenues of education.
Reduce the stress by increasing the supply and reducing the cost of producing medical professionals.
Thank you for this article ~ It saved me for one more day.
Thank you for this article ~ I thought tonight was the end. Now, I will rethink my options.
Hi Faith. Have Faith! (I know that may seem cheesy though so true!) I also want to draw your attention to another article that may help. It;s geared toward docs though applies to EVERYONE. Is suicide a good option for me?
May be good in your work to consider mental health workers in all of this. —- the forgotten, overworked, underpaid ones who live in the guts of the world’s
Hopelessness amd and desperation. Front line workers? Is this not mental health workers, as well? Pandemic frontline and opioid epidemic and –
On and on and on.
Saving doctors is great, yet could be generalizable to others, as well. Doctors can be helped by you. Others can call another hotline. Seems to me this is yet another way to reinforce mental health workers aren’t quite important enough.
Such a shame.
I deal with lots of mental health workers too, Lisa. Doing the best I can as one person. ❤️
I had surgery last year. I’m still recovering. Nothing will ever be right. turns out that a previous operation messed up all my insides and has made my life miserable since 2005. Wanted to die several times because of the pain. now alot is fixed and still in more pain. just doesn’t seem right. I did a cat scan and not one tech or doc has gotten back to me. Things are bad enough to not now. they got their money so I don’t matter
Attorneys have a messed up profession, too. Cruel and unstable clients, cruel and unstable judges, cruel and unstable colleagues. You are expected to forgo sleep. You are expected to win all the time. Your are never treated like a human being, and you end up drowning in debt for your troubles.
Since law school, I have not had any time for a social life. I have no kids, which is a huge regret. I have been running a law practice on empty for more than 12 years. My friends are dead. One died unexpectedly of a stroke (an attorney), and the other died of lung cancer a few years prior (also an attorney).
I tried calling the attorney suicide hotline for help. They had an attorney handling the calls (why?), who mocked me for being much younger than the other depressed attorneys calling in. When an attorney suffers from stress, everyone (even the hotline guy) just says that they can’t hack it.
I also tried reaching out to my family for help, which is truly a pointless undertaking. I have been taking care of my parents for as long as I can remember. They can’t function without me (can’t pay bills, won’t go to the doctors alone, can’t fill out basic paperwork, can’t do taxes without help, can’t check bank accounts, can’t return items they purchased), but they also resent their dependency. They are not elderly or infirm. I resent having to have been the “adult” since I was 12.
Last year, my mother was very sick. My sister and father refused to help care for her. I spent 12-15 hours a day at the hospital with no support from my loving family, and then weeks nursing her back to health. My mother does not get along with most people and she does not deal well with stress. Needless to say, this was a difficult experience. In retrospect, I should not have counted on my family’s support when I decided to close the practice. When I tried to explain my decision, my father said that I am just not cut out to be an attorney.
I also recently discovered that my accountant (with whom I grew up and trusted) lied about filing payroll reports for more than a year. When I discovered his lies and confronted him, he claimed that he was very sick (also a lie) and stopped taking my calls. I owed a significant sum of money to the IRS. I had to use all of my savings to pay for the penalties. I had to ask my father for a loan to pay for the remainder. That did not go over very well.
I tried reaching out to my sister about my depression. She is now avoiding me and asks my brother in law to speak to me on her behalf. I was taken aback by the cold shoulder, particularly since I thought we were close. When she had her first child, she suffered from post partum depression. I stepped up and helped take care of the baby until she recovered. I still help her with child care on a regular basis. (In fact, the whole family has had to help my sister and her husband because they cannot take care of themselves or their child – despite being in their late 30s and both having very high paying jobs).
Anyway, I have been in therapy for two years. The therapist wants me to take meds, but what is the point? Meds are not going to make my problems go away or make my family less dysfunctional.
For me, suicide is a logical response. I am traveling to a state with lenient gun laws. I will post a note outside the bedroom or bathroom door of my Airbnb beforehand, so whoever finds me is not caught off guard, and I will leave cash for clean up. I don’t think drugs or jumping off a building are painless or effective suicide methods. Life has been unpleasant. I deserve to at least go out in a peaceful and painless manner.
As a person who has recovered from being suicidal since age 9, who has been the parentified child (like you) trying to deal with an absolutely chaotic and scary childhood with mentally ill high-functioning physician parents, I want to share with you some options for your mental health issues here that you likely have not tried. Is suicide a good option for me?
A physician just wrote me:
“I know people try to prevent suicide at all costs, but on the flip side if someone is just suffering so much everyday, couldn’t it be considered the lesser of two evils? Everyone says it’s such a selfish act, but maybe the person needs to be selfish to get out of pain. How long is a person supposed to suffer? What type of life is it to sit around and suffer?”
I’ve been running a doctor suicide helpline for more than a decade and have spent thousands of hours speaking to suicidal doctors. Here’s my advice to you:
1) Ask yourself if you are terminally ill. Suicide is a legal option for terminal illness. I live in Oregon, the first state to legalize physician-assisted suicide. I’ve helped my terminally ill patients with physical illness and less than 6 months to live die by suicide. Is your illness truly terminal? Mental illness is rampant and poorly treated in our society. Most are suffering due to lack of treatment.
2) Explore ALL your options. Even most doctors who seek help receive only conventional drugs. Have you been offered curated peer support, spiritual therapies, or psychedelic ceremonies? Have you tried ALL of them with consistency? Don’t dabble haphazardly on your own. Find an expert guide and/or facilitated program for physicians that offers a safe, structured environment for your healing.
3) Avoid the term “treatment-resistant depression.” When allopathic interventions fail that does not mean your illness is resistant to complementary therapies. Integrative psychiatrists know that rewiring our neural networks is possible. Are you working with the right psychiatrist? Some offer a holistic and “sacred” approach to ECT and EMDR. Most physician-patients are unaware of all their options—and have no idea how to find reputable and safe non-standard therapies. One doctor shares:
“The Sacramental use of psilocybin or other entheogens was the most effective approach for me. Ceremonial use of these medicines brings in the wisdom of age-old traditions that use these Medicines to help us reconnect to ourselves, not as a solution for any particular malady but as a way to return to balance and in turn, finding deeper understanding, improvement or resolution of our depression.”
4) Use curated peer support as your first-line treatment. I suggest highly targeted peer support as the foundation of any suicide prevention plan. Isolation and loneliness is immediately ameliorated in a properly facilitated group with members who have similar emotional wounds. I’ve been leading physician peer support groups for years. Share your story. Don’t suppress your tears. Most of the time, what is needed is human interaction. One surgeon reported: “Spending two hours with you all was more helpful than any therapist I’ve seen, anything they did on inpatient psych, any help I’ve gotten yet.”
5) Consider suicide a failure of community. When suffering is individually pathologized, the person is blamed for their condition. When we recognize that the “illness” is a normal reaction to an abnormal or traumatic situation, the wisdom of the individual’s psychological response finally makes sense. Recognizing societal influences and community/family dysfunction that lead to suicidal thinking is crucial. Evaluate your ACES (Adverse Childhood Events) to help you discover your family-of origin-core wound. Reference: Did your wounded child choose your career?
6) Identify your core wound. Most suicides are a culmination of many factors poorly managed over years. Discovering the origin story or genesis of your core wound will allow you to successfully address your primary issue (versus just dealing with the sequelae of your untreated core wound). If you feel detached from your inner core, find a hobby that brings you pleasure as a way to find yourself again. Sometimes our core wound is grief for the a loss of self or self image.
7) Know that suicide is an occupational hazard of your profession. Physicians are dying by suicide triple the rate of their patients. Why? We’re groomed in an atmosphere of self-betrayal and self-abuse. Hazardous working conditions lead to destruction of our own health and personal relationships with family. Physicians are placed on a pedestal until we can no longer perform—then we are vilified. We are not allowed to be human and are disconnected from our feelings, emotions, and spiritual core. Reference: Physician Betrayal: How Our Heroes Become Villains.
8) Realize that you are a spiritual being living a finite human experience. As physicians we are cut off from our humanity and untethered from our souls. Shells of our former selves just going through the motions with no passion or zest for life—a direct result of the methodical dehumanization of medical education and practice. I’ve interviewed many physician survivors of suicide attempts. All are grateful they are alive and regret their desperate decision. Many now feel a renewed sense of spiritual connection and purpose.
9) Believe your condition is curable. When offered holistic interventions and removed from hazardous working conditions, most all physicians heal quickly. Doctors have curable mental health conditions that often began in childhood and were exacerbated by medical training and practice. One wise physician (who lost her own physician husband to suicide) shares:
“I consider no disease terminal until you think so—and self motivation is the key what you want to do with your life. If you think you will get better—you will. Spirituality says the same. You become what you believe you want to be.”
10) Your suicide is a terrible option for a curable condition.
I like to have euthenasia. I can’t live this anymore. The no pain, no love. Just sadness.
I found this site while searching for painless suicide options on the web. I quickly became entrenched in the sheer number or medical professionals here that are profoundly suffering. I felt compelled to first tell you all how very sorry I am that you are going through this. With so much evil and ugly in the world, it is crushing to see how many of the good ones, the ones who literally dedicate their lives to help others, how those people are left alone and helpless when they need help most of all.
Like many of you, I decided early on in life that I wanted to help people. I had a few bumps in the road, having a strangely sheltered childhood, a bit of trauma mixed in, as most of us do, becoming a mother at 14, it took me a while to get where I was going.
In my 30’s I finally became a nurse. I started my career on an oncology floor, which truly taught me the meaning of empathy and suffering. I honed my craft and prided myself on treating people like they were like everyone else, not pitying them, not pushing them either, just trying to bring sunshine and laughter into their otherwise trying existence. I even got to the point where I would be given the “difficult” patients because I was able to win them over by just meeting them on their level. The older people were just a joy to spend time with. Time was fleeting and so we spent it doing whatever brought them joy or comfort. When it was their time to go, I was right there letting them know that they fought the good fight and that it was ok to rest now. The young patients were the hardest as they had not lived yet. When an older person comes to their time of death, it is not unexpected and many have lived long, fruitful lives. When a 19 year old is fighting leukemia or lymphoma, all you think about is how much life they are going to miss out on. Therefore, I spent alot of time ordering in takeout and setting up video game stations, and not narcing on them when I knew their family brought them in “special brownies” to help with the symptoms we could not help them adequately with.
I had always wanted to be a vet or a Dr. My father talked me out of being a vet as he said my heart could not handle it. I better stick to humans. I am quite sure he was right. I spent the next I don’t even know how many years getting my BA and then entering my NP program. At that point my wife and I had a primary care practice of our own, as she is an NP. We strictly did home visits, and our patients were the sickest of the sick, those who cannot go the a doctor and really don’t take care of themselves anymore. It was truly fulfilling work, but stressful, gut wrenching, took up all of our time and we never really made enough money doing it to allow my wife to quit working her hospital job so that we could just do the business full time.
At one point, my then estranged father confided that he was dying of heart failure and was told he had less than 6 months to live, if he retired now. He asked my wife and I to take over his business. I did not want to do this, but my wife did, so we spent the next few months learning everything we could, ending our old business to take on the new one, still going to school, raising the 4 of our 8 children that were still in the home and having my father on hospice in my livingroom. He died very quickly after he knew that we had the business taken over. He would ask me every day if he could die. Every day I told him if he wanted me to take this over, then no, because I didn’t know enough. I didn’t want him to suffer, but this business meant everything to him and was what he was staying alive for. So I made it happen as quickly as possible. As soon as I did, he died.
That was 4 years ago. We spent the next two years building the business and finishing my program etc. Everything came to a crashing hault in late April 2020. My wife came home with COVID, I had a super mild case of it, then 5 days after recovering, I became a long-hauler. I have spent well almost 3 years now being predominantly bed bound. I had to quit my NP program at the beginning of my final semester as it was a clinical rotation and my blood pressure was now pretty consistently 80/50 or 70’s/40’s. There is no standing when that is the case. It also causes profound nausea, dizziness, chest pressure, etc. This is a small few of the over 60 plus symptoms that I deal with. They come and go as they please. All medications tried have failed as my body does not react well to medication. I do believe I’ve also had migraines since the age of 12. I was a preemie baby etc. I am sure that I have some type of underlying autoimmune disease or something that has been profoundly affected by this pandemic.
My life now consists of doing as much work as possible from bed on our business. I am fortunate to be able to work from bed, but the mental power required takes up all I have for the day. If I push myself too far in any direct, be it too much mental work, get into an argument that causes emotional stress, or do too much housework, I crash. PASC viewed from the outside in seems to others, especially loved ones that I am just a lazy faker. I have days where I feel almost normal, and quickly run around and try to do everything before my wife can get to it, to lessen the load. The next moment, day, 4 days, 6 months, who bloody even knows, I can be so debilitated that my head hurts too much to open my eyes and every time I try to get up to even use the restroom, things start to go dark. I have about a 30 second window to get where I am going. My entire body hurts. I sleep less than 2 hours total a night. I have weekly fevers, daily earaches, and my appetite flips on me without warning. I will go 2 or so days sometimes without being able to stomach food.
I feel like I’m following in my fathers footsteps. My wife no longer wants to do the business. She has lost interest and wishes to be out of the home more. She is quite miserable with my condition, and I cannot say that I blame her. She married a doer. Any dream she wanted accomplished, she just set me to it. I set up both businesses when she said that was what she wanted to do. I used to drive around with her while she did her hospice visits, back before life took over. I would scribe for her while she drove so that she didn’t have so much charting to do when we got home. She is not one to be tied down, so this online consulting business that can be done from home is no longer appealing to her.
We moved to Oregon so that we could at least be in beauty and nice weather. We have almost 7 acres of land. Life only seems to have gotten worse since moving here though. The land needs work. As I have always been a doer, I am my wife’s motivation. She doesn’t want to do a project unless I am doing it too. Since moving here, I have put everything I have into keeping up my share of things. I try to make sure I do all of the grocery ordering online delivered to the house so that she does not have to go shopping. On my good days I clean and cook multiple meals that can be used for leftovers for several days, do as much as I can to lighten my wife’s load and work as hard as I can on the business. I am trying to expand it to include more people so that many can benefit from it but not need to have my wife work it. I know that she needs to be removed first before I can back out of it, as I am the one that has been handling everything behind the scenes for many years. It will fail if I do not do this correctly.
So that is what I have been focusing on. The damned if you do, damned if you don’t aspect to all of this is that the more I do, the harder I crash, and the longer the crashes last. So I am trying to spin all of these plates, and every time I can get the last one up, and I am fulfilling my duties and doing right by everyone, all the plates come crashing down. This leaves me unable to even leave the room, barely making it to restroom for about 5 days average. Round and round we go.
“Pacing”, yes that will solve all my problems, not. COVID fucking sucks, pardon my french. I have had so many doctors tell me that they cannot figure out what is wrong with me or how to make it stop. At least that is an honest answer. I feel badly for the practitioners who have to see people like me. No wonder you are so depressed that you want to end it. There is a whole subset of people now just like me, that the practitioners feel helpless to help. Pacing and medications are the only recourse you have. And I know you know it doesn’t work, which has to be hard on your end as well.
All I know is that life is becoming harder and harder. I spend my life in this bed, alone, using all of my energy on trying to keep this business afloat while we get the proper things in place for me to step aside. My crashes are changing. My body seems to not be handling them well. Where I used to have 30 seconds before things go dark, things are going dark immediately. A few weeks back, I fainted while trying to urinate. I felt it coming on, couldn’t even get off the toilet, barely got my knees to the floor and woke up with my forehead bruised from hitting the floor or wall. My iwatch sends me frequent alerts that my heart rate has been in the 40’s for over 10 minutes. My heart jumps all over the place. All doctors say the anatomy is good. On paper I’m healthy, all labs middle of the road.
That doesn’t really leave me anywhere other than with a knowing that I am not going to get better and no one is there to help me. No one has any answers, but somehow because there are no answers, the expectations of me have never changed. If I can do, I do. That is who I have always been, so when I am down and have to have someone else do anything for me, it makes me feel guilty already. I do not want to be a burden on anyone. I have noticed more and more that when I am down, my wife’s demeanor changes. It is hard to describe other than to say that as the days stretch on, there is more and more bite to her words. Even though she is asking if I need something to eat or drink with her words, her tone, body language and facial expressions relay irritation and begrudging obligation. It isn’t only in my direction. When she is feeling this way, I also notice that my two dogs, that I had before we were together and my child from before we were together, start being spoken to in the same manner. The words and the non-verbals do not align. This leads to more guilt on my part which leads to me trying even harder to spin all of the plates, which my body beats me back down for my troubles.
When I told my wife that I was not able to do this anymore and that I needed help to get the business to be at a place where our daughter could run it and we could start stepping away, she decided she wasn’t interested in doing that and that I should just walk away, and let the business fail. Why not? She has her hospice jobs and can make money doing that anywhere. She takes for granted what that kind of money looks like. I feel it would be irresponsible to just let a 100K a year business just fail after all the work I put into it, when we are so close to doing this the right way.
I attempted to compromise. My daughter and I came up with a plan and strategy to hire someone to train to take over my wife’s position so that she can move out of the business first, so that she can find happiness in doing her hospice and being outside the home again. This is double the stress for me to keep things going and to train not only my daughter but also new employees. But if I am being honest, I would do just about anything to make this begrudging care of me to end. So I am down to try.
It all came to a head this morning. She feels like Cinderella. She feels like she is expected to do everything. I am over here trying not to have her do everything. We no longer communicate at all. I attempted to fix the problem by hiring my daughter to clean the house as she is looking for additional money. I thought it would be a win win. Even could get some meals out of it. When I told my wife of my plans, she immediately cleaned the entire house so that there was nothing to do. When I told her that I was trying to help in a different way since I cannot hold my own physically, she was offended that I would spend her money instead.
Looking back, I realize that each time she has come to me stating she needs help or cannot do all of this on her own, all forms of my help have been rejected unless it is my own sweat equity. When we moved out here I tried to get people to come help her pack and paint etc. She would come into our room and start complaining that now she had to find things for them to do. She would end up most of the time just not having them do much of anything and then as soon as they left would be complaining about this cinderella thing. I feel like a failure all the way around. I’m a doer that cannot do. I am alone and using my good days, my bad days and everything in-between to try to do right by my family and try to carry my weight. I’m so tired and am already giving 150% of myself. How do you pace so that you have any quality of life, when everyone else needs you to do your typical 3 peoples worth of work in all areas of your life so that others can feel fulfilled and have a good life. I’m only 45 and already a drain on the home system. She decided she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. She is moving out. She is tired of not being appreciated and states that I do not need to feel the way I feel. That I decide to feel that way. That she is frustrated with the situation and that I should just learn to not take it personally, that she does not have time for my mental health problems. I have tried to not take it personally. But, when 80% or better of the time, you are being spoken to with bite behind it like you are a burden, I don’t know how to let that just roll off. I would never and have never treated anyone that way.
The lack of quality of life that is my new normal cannot hold. I give myself kudos daily for still being here. Today, well it was harder than most. I’ve been fighting all this time to try to hold onto my marriage and find some type of balance and not let my life be over. But it isn’t working. I’m a doer that cannot do to the level that is required of me. I am a giver and a caretaker who can no longer give or caretake and needs someone to take care of me because I am suffering. I made a plan last night to sell my property in another state. That would pay off my student loan debt and put money in the bank for the property projects that we have been putting off because I am not well enough to be the doer or cheerleader for them, so that we could enjoy the time we do have together, get someone to clean and cook and then all we would need to do is get the business people trained so we could have quality of life. If I can scale back in all areas, I can gain enough health to be out of the bed and be able to participate in things. But that was the nail in the coffin. She doesn’t want to spend money on those things. Where does that leave me? Hopeless is where it leaves me. So tonight she will be gone. I am not allowed to spend “her money” on doing the things I cannot do. It is too stressful and hard to be alive and I am running out of ideas and the person who said for better or worse decided this is too much worse. So I am sitting here wondering why I am still here putting everyone through this. She didn’t ask for a wife in this condition, nor did my family. I am profoundly disabled, but with something that no one really believes in and doesn’t have enough hard data to be able to allow me to medically take my own life, as there is no good benchmark to say I will only live 6 more months. The truth is, maybe under correct pacing, if my life allowed for that, I could be fairly well, not much good to anyone functionally, but well enough to be a companion and have a life with. But I do know this pace is going to kill me. I make plans to do fun things with the family and then by the time it rolls around, I have pushed myself too far and crashed and everyone goes without me. I backslide farther and farther each time I try to lighten the load, which then makes the load heavier. That is what happened this time. I have had to work so hard this week and helped with outside projects that I shouldn’t have, but didn’t want my wife to have to suffer through it alone, and now have been paying for it for 5 days. Everyone is out having fun at a function that I planned and I am home, too weak to go and having to push through it to do the backlog of work I didn’t get done on the days that I was too sick to even work. I’m just starting to think there is no reason for me to be here. At least if I passed, they would have the insurance money to hire people and grow the business etc. My wife would have the freedom she deserves and I would no longer have to suffer alone while trying to make life better for everyone around me. I have been trying not to eat my gun all day. I guess this is why I decided to write this. There is nowhere to get it out. Our fellow medical professionals are obligated to squeal on us, therefore I would never feel safe talking to a therapist and wouldn’t dream of talking to my physician about it. My wife just asks if she needs to have me committed. Part of me considered it, if only to stop being a burden on her but not end up on the street. Thankfully, I am afraid to shoot myself. I am afraid I will mess it up and survive as a vegetable. I am afraid to take pills for the fear of surviving. I feel guilty for being selfish and wanting this to end, even if it causes others pain. But part of me thinks they are already numb to me anyway. Its a drawback of being a giver and a doer. You do not usually have other givers and doers around you. You are it for the group, so becoming disabled in this context leaves the sufferer to navigate alone. I don’t know what to do. I do thank you for listening, especially when you are going through your own stuff. I wish I could say we are all going to be ok, but I can’t. For now, for today, I am going to say I’m winning, because I wrote this instead of leaving this world. Tomorrow, well that is another day. I guess I better get back to work so I make sure I see this through, and all this suffering wasn’t in vain. I’m praying for all of you that need and want it. For those that don’t, positive, healing, comforting thoughts coming your way. You are worthy and loved.
For now, for today, I am going to say I’m winning, because I wrote this instead of leaving this world.” I am so glad you are still here. Use your precious life as a spiritual quest. We are all spiritual beings living a finite human experience. Have you tried facilitated plant-medicine ceremony? Are you religious or spiritual?
Well…. Am a Nigerian… how can I get help… i want to live for my kid’s… but it’s so hard
What specific help do you need my friend?
I have wanted nothing more then to not feel like an anchor to my loved ones and the people around me. My past is something that will always hold me back. I can’t change that but the day to day feelings I get because of it have only gotten worse. I have this thought that if I shoot myself maybe two people will care. I have no fight left in me everyone leaves I’m my own problem and maybe it’s just time to say good bye and thank you.
What has given you hope in the past? Please reach out to 988. If you are a physician who is struggling please contact me here. I have a physician trauma recovery peer support group that starts in 20 minutes. We can help you. I am doing my best as one person dealing with a tsunami of pain. NAMI is also a good resource (National Alliance on Mental Illness). Of course, so much of our “mental illness” is cultural and collective (yet the individual is blamed with the “diagnosis.”)
I am not a doctor, but I came across this article while begging Google to help me die quickly, painlessly and compassionately. My heart honestly goes out to those in your profession.
I had just disconnected with the suicide chat line after its allotted time with a counselor. Since my problem isn’t that I desire to be saved from suicide but to commit the deed, it did not help at all. I knew that going in, nor did I ask or expect them to help me die. I logged on to the chat since it is the only place I feel safe to broach the topic when the desire to not exist is consuming me at its greatest level.
Portions of this article spoke to me. The warning that “any suicide plan, no matter how foolproof it may seem, could end in disaster” has been haunting me all my life.
I am also terrified of getting caught during the attempt. The “criminalization” of my lifelong desire to not be alive has affected me greatly, resulting in decades of lack of treatment, due to the paranoia that caused me at a young age.
Possibly my worst fear is that I will reach a point where I have set everything up and then “chicken out,” despite my intense desire to no longer be alive, making me feel even more suicidal and cowardly.
My only desire is to “die with dignity,” despite not having a terminal physical illness. I have not been able to flip this switch that has absolutely made me not desire a life since I was a teenager. Seeing hope for an improbable future seems impossible. The disastrous emotional consequences, mostly from loneliness, have been lifelong and intense. If something were to change my mindset, it feels much too late to both recover and then start a life from scratch.
“Just start walking” sounds too easy. I do not have a realistic bucket list. Even with one, a person needs mental and physical strength. One cannot just stop eating. One would have to be casually prepared to sleep on the side of the road while fending off potential dangers.
I am “stuck” being alive and only ask for compromise from those who deem life sacred. I completely understand society to not want to encounter a suicidal mess. I understand jumping off a roof might injure others below or have other unintended consequences. I understand not wanting train engineers suffering trauma on the job if someone were to jump in front of a train.
I also completely understand not wanting people’s lives to end due to spur of the moment decisions while in pain. I suggest to allow someone to publicly register to be assisted to die, possibly with one or more witness who vow to know the applicant. Give society a year to convince the applicant that there is reason to live. If the year comes, allow that person to immediately walk in and die quickly, painlessly and compassionately. I’d even agree to make applicants wait another full year if they are not mentally ready to die immediately fulfill their scheduled appointment.
As someone completely not in the medical field, I do not know if commenting on this page is appropriate. I also do not know whether it will reach anyone since I do not dare put a real email address. I apologize for this, but I live in terror regarding this subject. I honestly hurt so bad and wanted to reach out to someone, even if getting a reply is impossible.
I already understand that it will not be approved because of the lack of a true email address. I do want to assure you that it was an honest comment and not some sick game someone is playing.
I could not approve earlier bc I am dealing (as one person) with multiple people who need my help at the moment. As you can see I have several people who are anonymous in the comment section and that is fine with me. We need to talk about this topic with honesty and transparency—and hope.
I will try to respond as soon as I can. I am in the middle of helping several suicidal doctors at the moment. Obviously I’m very busy trying to help people who feel very sad and lost.
Thank you
People often get pushed into killing themselves because of other hateful people who can’t believe they have murdered someone if they force the person to kill themselves. Then plausible deniability is easy for them to have, and even easier for them to feel like they’re not guilty for anything that made someone else decide to take their own life.
My 90 year old mother is bedfast. Can’t walk, barely can hear or see. I’m a 66 year old who is totally and permanent disabled. I’ve been taking care of my Mom going on 3 months after she had brain surgery. I’ve called and called,, can’t get any help. I need her in a facility. It’s just been extremely rough on me to work 3 shifts a day, taking care of her. I have heart conditions and very bad back. I Stay drained from sleep deprivation. And when I change her, feels like my gut us in my throat. Can’t eat for a day or 2. I stay so tired and sleepy. I can’t handle this much longer. It’s took a very bad toll on my health. No one will help me . Not Medicare nor medicaid. Please tell me is there an emergency number to call other than 911. They just say they take ppl to hospital for er needs. I need the er. Needs. If anyone knows an immediate er number to call to get her in a facility, same day, emergency situation. Please let me know. Thanks. Columbus, Ohio area. Franklin County. Thank you
Call 988 and they can hook you up with local and regional resources.
Hi I lived in apartment for 10 years they sold the the place they are giving us 30 days to be out I have custody of my 3 grandchildren I just can’t live in car with them especially the youngest is disabled I been looking every day even praying nothing soon as my son gets married on the 28th on may 1st I’m doing it I try calling shelter I’m on waiting list I try Nh housing I’m on 3 year waiting can’t get help any where my kids they won’t help
Okay so..I am a 13 year old girl, and ik this may sound weird but I’ve had suicidal thoughts ever since I was 9. My parents are making me go throught hell, they constantly put an incredible amount of pressure on me to be perfect. I suffered a lot of different things throughout my life, every single one of my friends did. I’m kind of the « therapist friend », but I really don’t know who to talk to. I wanted to see a psychiatrist but my parents are convinced they’re made for crazy people or something…I have no one to talk to, everytime I try to talk about how I feel, my feelings get ignored because according to my parents and adults around me « you’re just a kid, you haven’t gone throught anything yet! », and yes that may be true, but I don’t think that’s a reason to completely ignore how I feel. I feel like I don’t actually like any of my friends, I self h*rm, I have eating disorders, and I have a lot of issues controlling my anger because of all the frustration I have inside of me. In my house, we’re not allowed to express any negative feelings, it’s either smile and be happy or shut up. I don’t know what to do, who to talk to, it seems that things won’t get better. I don’t know how to explain it…I wan’t to be gone and finally left alone by everyone, but I don’t wan’t to die, because I know that there are a lot of people that actually love me…Also it’s really hard for me to actually feel like my parents like me at all, this may sound weird but they’ve never told me they loved me, ever. I can’t call a professional line because if my parents find out, my life is over. My parents sometimes hit me, most of the time insult me etc, I really don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna tell my school either because I don’t wan’t to be taken away from my parents or my brother…I feel stuck, I’m just a kid and I wish I didn’t have to go throught this, have a great night and sorry for venting like that.
Oh Random please do not apologize for your feelings. I wrote this as a safe place for people to express their suicidal feelings (without provoking others to suicide or leaving their last words here as I can not in good conscience allow this type of writing on my blog). I AM HERE TO HELP YOU and others who want to understand their suicidal thinking. I can totally relate to you feeling passively suicidal since age 9. ME TOO. Now I am 55 years old and I made it past many many years of feeling suicidal. Being young with nobody to speak to who can understand has been just the most lonely situation for me as well. I am going to try to give you my best advice below:
1) PARENTS. Oh please know that parents are generally trying their best but they have their own pain and problems. Do not take it personally. Adults are just injured second graders in big bodies.
2) Are you the oldest child? Or the “responsible” and “fix it” kind of person? Well, as the oldest child myself I became “parentified” meaning I took on the emotional role of being a parent to my parents (and they are both physicians and so you would think they have their lives and minds together, but guess what—they are INJURED and just doing the best they can), I had a very scary childhood that was chaotic (I was kidnapped 3 x before the age of 9 and then did not see my dad or brother for 5 years). If you have to be “fake happy” around others just know that they can’t hold your suffering but WE CAN and others can. I have found writing in my diary and having a pen pal to be so helpful in just knowing that I have someone out there or something (my journal) where I can express my true self.
3) Oh just a shout out for the benefit of PETS. I got more emotional support from my dog and my cat and even our horse and the cows in the pasture by my house in rural Texas than any “adults” in my life as a child. I know that sounds wild, but it is TRUE. If you have any pets or even animals nearby that are not your pets just try to spend time with them. This has been proven in scientific studies to help people emotionally.
4) People generally do NOT want to die. They just want to be heard, understood, and cared for. People just want to be loved and sometimes we can not get that from the people who are supposed to love us——our family. People do not want to be in pain and since they can not figure out how to stop the pain they imagine dying is the answer.
5) About Parents not saying “I LOVE YOU” — you can not give what you do not have. They do not love themselves so they can not be loving with you. I am sorry. My mom is that way. When I say I LOVE YOU to my mom she actually hits me and says, “Cut the shit.” so how is that for someone who is just completely unavailable and obviously has been injured by “LOVE.”
6) I also did not want to tell my school because I did not want to end up in foster care, So I just tried to take care of my mom by myself after she kidnapped me the third time. I did not have food (only rotten food in the house). I did not have love (see #5). I was really really LONELY and so sad. I totally felt stuck because I had this feeling if I ran away and tried to go back and live with my dad (who was also mentally ill but more of a sweet guy while my mom was more scary and unpredictable) I felt like I would never see my mom again. The thought of losing my mom made me stick by her side even though it was so damaging to me.
Well that is my story and I want to share that I am HAPPY now and I made it through all that confusion and pain I had since my childhood and YOU CAN TOO. It is so confusing to be young with no stable loving adults. I just want to tell you I believe you, I hear you. I feel you and YOU ARE LOVED. ❤️
I think It is too abusive to live within a harsh environment.
Your article is naive and not helpful to me at least.
I have no intention to evaluate your article, Just a honest comment.
Suicide rate in Korea rises, highest among developed countries.
I’ve been a physical therapist for just 3.5 years. If it wasn’t for my daughter, I would’ve definitely checked out by now. This is miserable! I spend most days reminding myself how stupid it was to think I could change things. I even gave up benefits and retirement to practice as an independent contractor…. Only to STILL have to fight the practice owners over ethical decisions for my patients. If I call them out legally I hurt my coworkers. If I do what they want I hurt my patients. If I do neither, I hurt from the ostracizing and professional bullying for being “too full of myself”. Meanwhile in my mid-40s I still have to have my mother co-sign in order to get decent interest rates with my income-debt ratio. How would anyone NOT be suicidal under these circumstances?
Oh that is terrible to hear though I can confirm that you have many peers who would understand and be willing to help you. I hear from docs and other health professionals all the time who stand up for ethics and patient rights and then face retaliation, yet prevail ultimately. Maybe you could share with us why you went into health care (PT). What was your original dream? How old were you when you decided to help others? (NOTE: Very natural for empathic healers to be highly disturbed by the soul-sell-out of our profession, yet many are on forefront of taking back the profession from the unethical. Please keep breathing and write responses below. I may have additional resources and help for you. 💕
I am CRNP really struggling. Not a doctor, I don’t know if that matters.
Please help
Absolutely matters! You are welcome to join our peer support groups (mostly docs, some nurses). Join us here.
I am Irina and im 13 i feel like im not worthqnything to qnyonde and im failing 6th grade and i fell like i should end my life bc my mom does not care anymore and i dont really think my friends really care about me… now i say sorry for evrything wven tho its not my fault…sorry if i took your time ma’am
I just want you to know that I struggled SO much at 13 and I know so many other teens who felt similarly. Please, please do not end your precious life. FYI: My perspective is that we choose our parents before we are born and we set up the circumstances of our life so we have bumps in the road for personal growth of our souls. I survived such a harsh and chaotic life and it makes me the loving & compassionate person I am today. Please call 988 if you are suffering. I am praying for you Irina. ❤️
i know right
I’m an ICU RN in school for my NP. I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was young.
They’ve been really really loud the last few months. And I feel lost and hopeless. The only thing keeping me here and acting normal is that I don’t want to traumatize my kids and there always seems to be a stupid holiday or a sporting event and I don’t want them tying rhat to my death.
Jill do you have peer support? Who can you talk to that would understand? What do you think is the core issue that is causing you to feel this way. If you do not have a peer support group you are welcome to join us on Sunday (we are all doctors and a few nurses struggling with suicidal thoughts and other traumatizing situations (many from our careers when we are witnessing people suffer and die). Please contact me here if you want to join us.
Comments are now back on as a result of a kind man reaching out to me today.
Pamela,
Please re-open comments – and keep them open permanently – for your post at
idealmedicalcare.org/what-is-the-least-painful-way-to-die
It’s one of the most powerful, helpful, and important anywhere (online or offline).
We spoke on the phone just now & I explained that I was simply overrun with so many comments that I did not have time to moderate them all. I am going to try again to keep comments on because I highly value this conversation and I truly believe that we must discuss this topic openly if we are to help people understand their feelings and not feel isolated. My goal, of course, is to help people find meaning in their lives and not give up prematurely in a state of impulsiveness and despair.
I would like to think that when quality of life ends we should be entitled to assisted dying with dignity
What is the point of keeping someone alive a few more weeks it is cruel we would not allow our pets to suffer in this way. Make euthanasia legal for the terminally ill.
Agree 100% and it is legal in Oregon where I have assisted patients in dying by administration of lethal medications.
Is there some kind of criteria for you to help people or just anyone who can afford it?
I help all health professionals who are suicidal for free and also offer Sunday support groups. As one person I am not able to individually help others at this time.
Oh regarding your specific question above—I would help anyone with physician-assisted suicide aka pc term “medical aid in dying” to prevent the terminal individuals with < 6 months to live (that is the rule to be eligible) from feeling like they are dying by suicide. Unreal the euphemisms and coverup of what is actually happening. I should post the story here (published in my book) of how I tried to help this one guy out in the woods end his life with dignity. Hold up. Let me find it.
Robert-Assisted Suicide—Part One
Robert is a bad patient with a bad disease. He hasn’t always followed my advice. In fact, I’ve almost fired him twice, but he keeps coming back.
“Robert, if you don’t want to follow my advice, why do you want me to be your doctor?”
“To give me the good stuff in case I’m gonna croak,” he says.
I’ve taken care of Robert for six years now. Robert has had a rough life. He grew up on the South Side of Chicago, the only white kid in the ’hood. He got beat up a lot. Now Robert is sixty with kidney failure and horrible gout. His joints are so deformed he can’t bend them. Some open up and weep. His brother just died of the same thing last month.
Robert lives in the woods with his wife, Linda. They tell me it was love at first sight. They met and were engaged twenty-four hours later. They’ve been married twenty-five years. They live off the land. Raise sheep and goats. She knits and sells felted crafts. He’s a carpenter. Now he can’t work. They pay twenty to forty dollars per visit when they have it.
When Robert first came to me, his blood pressure was so high I thought he’d have a stroke. I put him on medication. He didn’t always take it. Three months later he had a stroke. He couldn’t move his right arm or leg much and had to go hopping to the outhouse. He didn’t seek treatment for days because his psychic medicine friend said he didn’t need to go to the hospital. His psychic friend may know something I don’t. But I know Robert. He didn’t want to run up a big bill and leave his wife homeless. He learned to walk again on his own. He hobbles now.
I asked Robert to see a kidney specialist. The initial visit was $450. He couldn’t afford it, but we finally got him in as a charity case. The kidney doctor gave him “a few more years to live” and started him on a drug that made his skin peel off and most of his hair fall out. So he quit the drug.
Robert is in a lot of pain. We’ve tried a lot of drugs. Medical marijuana and vodka work best. Linda is so upset that she cries through Robert’s appointments. After screaming at me once and not following her own medical plan, I fired Linda as a patient. But we get along great now. Today they’re back in the office.
“I feel depressed,” Robert says, “though not suicidal. It’s the pain that’s getting me, Doc. When things get real bad, I plan to stop eating. How ’bout the suicide pill?”
I pause.
Finally I respond, “Here’s a prescription for some morphine tablets. Let’s see if this will work for your pain. I’ve never had anyone request physician-assisted suicide, but it is legal in Oregon.”
Robert-Assisted Suicide—Part Two
Linda calls. “Robert has the heebie-jeebies and was all over the bed last night like a jumping bean, majorly twitchy.”
She puts Robert on the phone.
“What’s going on, Robert?”
“I feel like I’m being duct-taped down. Can’t breathe. It starts with a sensation of warmth and then I gotta take off my clothes ’cause I feel restricted. I feel like I’m dying. I got a loaded pistol by my bed. If it gets bad I’m gonna shoot myself in the head, Doc.”
“No,” I beg. “Please don’t do it.” I imagine Linda cleaning blood and brains off the couch as her last memory of Robert.
“Hey, you don’t have to suffer. I researched what we need to do to meet the requirements of the Death with Dignity Act. You just need to make two oral requests fifteen days apart. You already made your first request last month. So now we just complete some forms. It’s simple. We’ll need another doctor to cosign. I’ll track down your kidney doc to see if he’ll do it. For now, let’s try a fast-acting tranquilizer for panic and a heavy-duty pain patch to keep you comfortable.”
A week later, I drive about an hour down a country road to their house. Linda greets me at the gravel driveway and leads me into their rustic wooden yurt.
On the way in, Linda explains, “At your request, I spoke with hospice today, but we’re not interested. Robert has six pain patches on and this seems to help him sleep.”
Robert is on the couch. “Hey, Robert. How ya doing?”
“I haven’t left home in a month, Doc. Been on the couch mostly ’cause of dizziness, weakness, and pain. Not eating or peeing much. Having bowel movements every three days. I’m on Vodka and the patches.”
Robert is ninety pounds. He speaks softly, but coherently, and is of sound mind to sign the forms. His family concurs with the decision. A witness is here to confirm. Now I’m making mental notes about what I need to do next. I need a second physician to sign his form. If I can’t get his kidney doc, I’ll start begging my physician friends in town.
Then I explain, “Once I get this form signed by a second doctor, I’ll write a prescription for ten grams of Seconal that you can administer your- self within the next forty-eight hours. Okay, Robert? Don’t shoot yourself. Linda, call the pharmacies to make sure it’s in stock. I’ll be in touch.”
I phone his kidney doctor. He is willing to sign.
I alert Linda. “I got the second doctor. I’m getting the forms signed. So we should be set for tomorrow. Did you find the Seconal?”
“I found it at only one pharmacy,” Linda says. “It’s $637!”
“What? That’s insane!” I exclaim. “It’s generic. These pills should cost five cents. This stuff has been on the market for, like, fifty years. Dad had hundreds of tablets in a huge stock bottle stored in our basement when I was a kid.”
“Hey,” Linda replies, “with my handy-dandy Oregon Prescription Drug Program discount card you told me to get, they plan to charge me only $550.”
The next day, the kidney doctor calls to say he has second thoughts. “Why?” I ask.
“As I remember, this guy is a psychiatric case,” he says.
“What?”
“This guy has a psych history.”
“Robert’s a good guy,” I explain. “He chooses to live off the grid in the woods with his wife. He is ninety pounds and on the couch dying. You know he has kidney failure. But if you don’t feel comfortable, I’ll find another doctor. Thanks anyway.”
I call Linda. “We got problems. The kidney doctor backed out. I’m pissed, but I’m searching for another doctor to help us. Don’t buy the drug yet. In the meantime, I want you to keep him comfortable with pain patches.”
“Will do, Doc.”
Two days later, I’m still not able to find another doctor willing to sign the Death with Dignity form. The next afternoon, Robert dies in his sleep.
Robert-Assisted Suicide—Part Three
It has been a year since Robert died. Linda moved to California to be near her kids. I follow her on Facebook.
I message her today: “Linda, I’m writing a book with 101 patient stories. I want to include Robert’s story. Can you check in with him and make sure it’s okay?”
“Hey, my dear,” she replies. “Got a message from Robert. He showed up at the dentist’s office. Hate typing. I’ll call and leave the story on your voicemail.”
The following day I receive this message:
Hi, Doctor Pam. This is Linda with a story about Robert and the dentist. As an aside, I’ll say that he’s been hang- ing around, except for a little bit at Christmas. And I get communications from him on my right shoulder in varying degrees and volumes, depending on the nature of the issue.
But at the dentist’s office, I actually saw him. I had a couple of molars that were in need of removal. I put it off from last summer, but had to finally do it. It got a bit arduous at one point. They were holding open my jaw with a lot of pressure, trying to get some buried roots in there.
Suddenly, Robert appeared right where the dentist’s light is up there, between the faces of the assistant and the dentist. And he looked great, Doctor Wible! He was all smiling and his hair was thick and brown and long, and his beard was black again. That was very cool.
He held out his hands. In the center of each palm was an indigo spot, and from each spot issued forth a kind of milky, square beam of golden light. He aimed them into my mouth where the doctor was working and, after a bit, he aimed one at the assistant and then he aimed them both at the dentist. And just then the dentist said, ‘This is going very well!’ It was so cool.
Oh, and Robert says he’s fine with you including his story in the book. Hey, carry on the good work, my dear.
From Pet Goats & Pap Smears.
Thank you for prescribing Robert what he needed to control his pain and anxiety, which kept him from shooting himself. Many patients are also in the suicide boat, as they are living with excruciating (physically and mentally) conditions that the proper medications are not often prescribed for anymore, and turn to self-inflicted death as a way out (or die on the streets after their lack of access to lifesaving medication makes it impossible for them to hold down a job). I’m glad Robert did not die in pain, as many patients do so needlessly these days.
I dnt want to live in this world
I want to finish myself so I won’t see this shitty world and people my only sorrow will be I will Miss my mom but I will be near to dad which I miss soo much
Dad am coming to see you
Goodbye
People
Losing people it very hard.
So remember keep the memories going.
Even big it just a memory in your head
I guess it’s soothing to see how many people deal with the same feelings. Sometimes I’m happy. Sometimes I want to die instantly. My daughter couldn’t care less if I was alive or dead. I’ve squandered a ton of money this year and lost the desire to work or do anything productive. I still have fun in life especially seeing the children in my family but that’s outweighed by wanting to leave this world forever. Only thing I care about is the people who care for me would feel afterwards. For me personally, no good reason to be alive. I’m sure I’ll just suffer forever and never actually kill myself
I really appreciate you sharing your feelings which are welcomed here. Safe space for sharing the despair that so many feel—yet have no place to express themselves. Your feelings are valid. Many treatments are available that you may not have tried yet. Is suicide a good option for me?
I wonder what has helped you most. Having fun with the kids in your life seems to bring you joy. I say do more of that ❤️
I hope you find that hole in soul.
Am still looking for mine 😭
Ps if u want a penpal my email is wendigothedjinn999@gmail.com
So what the least painful way to die. To cause premature death?
What has had most success.
Drugs?.
Stop your heart?.
I am in constant severe pain due to a hip implant and doctors will not give me pain medication because of the so called opioid epidemic. I can’t live with the pain anymore. Ready to end it all.
Hi John
I don’t have body pain but I do have mental pain.
Depression and anxiety is a rough rollercoaster.
I just wanted let you know there more of us out here.
And care for others.
Hi Bob I appreciate your advice to John an I hope that he stays strong and safe too. I myself am going through something traumatic because I lost my job and my finances are being drained as we speak do to my rent and trying to acquire the essentials to survive this downhill rollercoaster, I’ve been meaning to write about my situation earlier but I figured I just hang in there and wait for a miracle to come my way. But in reality everyday that goes by is like a day closer to my demise. You see I don’t qualify for benefits I also suffer from a medical condition that is progressive and I can feel it taking over my body. It’s really sad, I was never expecting this disease to knock me off my feet but it did and I’m paying dearly for it and that’s the main reason why I can’t work. I’ve tried to search for help online but came up empty handed, even go fund me gave me the back. And speak about benefits I don’t qualify for any believe me I tried. So this is it for me I guess, I do want to continue living but do to my circumstances I don’t see a way out. I did create a go fund me in case people reading this have some empathy towards me and everyone going through the same situation and donate with generosity or whatever they can. I would really appreciate it. I really need you guys to be that miracle I’m hoping for to have money for my rent and buy food and the essentials, Like I said I don’t want to die please don’t let me die I’m begging you guys please listen to my plea and help me get out of this hole I’m in.
hi i really want to just end the pain with something but this fucking world wont let me go on my own damn path and this is just so hard i want to kill myself and get the dang pain over with if u here me next month then that will be a miracle
Hi keep up the good fight
Us warriors
Will keep the fight strong
I’m not a physician or nurse but this story gave me some good insights regarding profession related depression and my own suicidal ideation. Although I can’t guarantee that I won’t ever. I can say that I’ll always try to plant second thoughts in my own mind. Like so many others, the sadness and disappointment of my children keep me here and breathing.
Live always hell
I don’t want to live
Homeless sucks
Being lonely sucks
I’m not a Doctor but think that suicide is my best option. I want it to look like an accident and need some tips. I am tired and don’t want to wake up anymore but don’t want my family to be sad.
It all sounds great, but it’s really hard when you have a health condition and live with unbearable symptoms all day, every day, the doctors can’t figure out what is wrong and your friends and family all think you are perfectly fine and it’s all in your head. After 3 years of misery, you won’t be able to even consider another 3 years of misery, and then another 3 and so on until you get old and die after a life of agony from 40 year old on.
Just to say that I’m also still alive now because I have 3 small children and my life is perfect in most ways. And I love to be alive. That gives me strength, especially the children, of course. But enough is enough, this is really bad and I can’t handle it anymore. I have no other options than suicide and it’s a matter of time but I think it won’t be long… 🙁
Permanent mental disorders. Been mocked at every level. I don’t see any hope in THIS world. Except one thing and they all that’s keeping me alive.
So, I have for the past 5years, only been surviving, I have been in abusive relationships, grew up a narcissist family, married 1 and now 5 years out, he still is always trying find me, I don’t think I would be missed, my kids grown, don’t get to see grandkids. I have even tried seeking help from the church, where I been going 3+ years. They gossip about me when they think I can’t hear. I am truly alone… I can’t stand all this emotional pain.
I know you’re exact feeling trust me I do! I’m also very close to checking out.
PLEASE help em am 77 crippled can’t breathe tired of life no desire to continue living. PLEASE tell me what to drink or pills to take to o to sleep and never wake up, PLEASE? I’ve don all I ever wanted to do in life met all desires accomplishments……tired of living; wife goes to visit her sister in Kentucky and calls to tell me she got a lawyer and and wants a divorce. I do not want this divorce….I do NOT want to go thru it they want me penniless living on the street. PLEASE tell me what to drink or pills to take so i can go to sleep and never wake up.
I’m not a doctor or any type of professional I’m just a human being with some pain, pain that just doesn’t go away, although I am smarter than the average person I just can’t figure out how to shake this feeling off of me.
What has helped in the past?
I’ve just been refused a visa to study after all the stress, time and money I invested in this…This is pushing my plan for life and the year backwards…I didn’t have a plan B….I’m depressed and suicidal now 💔
If you are a medical trainee you should join our physician peer support group (every Sunday) so we can all help you.
I’m a student in school and am 13 years old, I also have to deal with thoughts of suicide, this is because of my dad who abused me and my sister, only my sister doesn’t have these thoughts. She’s older so I think it’s because of that. However I still have to deal with these thoughts, many time I have tried to take my life, however I couldn’t. I need to breathe. So I can’t do it yet, I’m thinking of really doing it and I’m happy because of those thoughts, but then also I don’t want to leave my sister with my dad. So each day I’m getting more and more depressed, if anyone could help me find a solution to any of this, please do.
Sometimes thoughts of suicide bring people comfort (bc they know they have a way out). I have seen that when people can share their feelings of despair with those who truly understand then they feel less alone and more tethered to the planet and the people who they love. Please keep lines of communication open with your loved one & friends. Do you have a religious faith? What else brings you comfort?
Hello my name is Rehan Fazal I am 15 years old.I am Indian.I tell you my story I’m not sure my mind is so confuse what can I do I am very furious about my future life I am very worried about me because I like to make friends but i can’t make friends in college tomorrow is my first day in college my heart is fastly beating I’m so worried I think that I am so alone around my family members. Please tell what can I do 🙏 🙏
You are worthy, loved, and more important in this world than you will ever know. I would suggest you keep focus on your dreams and that you meditate to stay grounded and not focus so much of your energy outward. I am sure you will eventually make wonderful friends in college (it took me some time when I was your age so just give yourself some grace and compassion) ❤️
i am feeling everything and nothing all at once. i need help, but i dont want help. i want to leave.
All life is precious.
Hi
Do you know any helplines in Iran?
I dont think I can do this anymore
Iran
Emergency 110 Suicide Hotline 1480
I’m not a medical professional but I know a doctor who finally ended his life. He had his own practice in an office he’d had built on the same property his house was on. His wife was one of his 2 nurses and his mother was his office manager. His office was always packed. I was only a patient who could tell he was very stressed. He was an excellent doctor but you could tell his staff seemed to be walking on eggshells around him which made it more obvious there was a problem. I was surprised when he suddenly closed his office and started to work for a company that provided doctors for emergency rooms at some hospitals in the area.I happened to be a patient of his there on a few occasions and could tell he seemed less stressed and actually saw him smile for the first time. But learned that the stress from having his own office was replaced by problems in his marriage. I have to say I wasn’t surprised when I heard he’d tried to take his own life. But did find the means very surprising. As with all the choices he had being a doctor with access to drugs he instead built a homemade bomb went to an underpass near the hospital and tried to blow himself up. He turned out to only cause some bad burns to his body. He lost his job and soon after his license. However, he still practiced medicine by opening an office in another nearby city without a license. He’d been a doctor for so long that no one questioned the prescriptions he wrote for patients. His marriage was over and he’d started a relationship with another woman. Then she started to try and blackmail him into writing lots of prescriptions for her and her family members for powerful narcotics. When he started to refuse she turned him in for practicing without a license. He didn’t receive any jail time but of course, was fined and given probation. It was clear at that point he’d never practice medicine again so he went to a city a couple of hundred miles away rented a hotel room and ended up shooting himself ending his life. I was amazed that as a layperson I could see how depressed he was but all of the medical professionals around him either didn’t see or didn’t try and do anything about what was obviously a severe problem. Years later I started dealing with severe depression myself after I was divorced and when I tried to get my new doctor to prescribe something they refused saying those kinds of medicines could be abused. So I started seeing a psychologist until she moved away after getting married. The local social services organization she worked for said they’d try and set me up with another provider but before they did I’d lost my job and insurance and they said I’d have to pay cash upfront before they could set me up with someone else. I ended up going to work for a convenience store and because of the low pay and no benefits I ended up losing my home and was homeless. I reached my breaking point one day while on my way to the bank wondering where I’d go to to sleep that night. So rather than making the deposit I kept driving planning to try and enjoy myself for a couple of weeks with the money and then when I ran out of money ending my life. After using up the money I tried to kill myself with an overdose of various medications. I wasn’t successful. I ended up in a mental hospital that after a few weeks discharged me after no counseling and suggested I go back to my hometown and seek help. I went back and was arrested for taking the money. I’d been evicted and all of my belongings thrown away. After being in jail for 3 months where I’d asked for help but was only locked up alone and my clothes taken away for a few weeks I told them I was no longer having thoughts of killing myself and was put back in the general population until my court date. I received probation and was released. There had been no counseling nor help in finding a place to live or a job. So I was still homeless.I was on probation and had a felony conviction so finding a job wasn’t easy but I managed to get a job at a convenience store and managed to get a room in an old long-term hotel where I was also offered a job. I finished my probation and paid restitution but still hadn’t been able to get counseling. I lived and worked in the long-term hotel for 8 years until they closed. Then went to another very nasty long-term hotel for 5 years but had gotten old enough to get social security. Then they closed down. I was lucky enough to get an apartment I could afford in a fairly nice place for the money. I stay broke and have long ago lost all my friends so never have any human contact except when I go to various doctors for my many medical problems. Still thinking day to day about how to end my life in a way that would be painless but mean certain death. So I realize how little help there actually is out there unless you’re willing to be locked up in a mental hospital. But that would mean losing my home and all my belongings and having to start over yet again at nearly 70 years old. So I go day to day hoping for a quick painless death.
The weaponization of psychiatry against the very people who need help (and not punishment) is heartbreaking. You are such a survivor! I’m impressed with your ability to keep going despite all the trauma. Do you have an obituary for your doctor who died? Or his name?
I’m just a person! Numerous illnesses, no family, no wife, no kids, no reason to carry on living really! Help in the Uk
For God sake I want to die it’s my choice why can’t I find a clean way to do it I don’t use heroine so I’m trying to find out how many points how much of a gram will defanently put me to sleep , I’ve had a good life I’m tired I’m 50 years old have nothing left I can help with or want to do so can you please stop with the why and just give me numbers , thanku please find out how much heroine I need to obtain. And let me know
I wish people would stop saying stuff like “It takes guts to kill yourself”- Such an insult. When someone is actually in the midst of killing themselves, their brain loses all common sense, so the brain is numbed. Hence why a suicidal person cannot talk themselves out of it, and no-one else can talk them out of it. The brain ceases to function properly, when someone is suicidal. The brain goes into a completely different mode altogether. If suicidal people could think rationally, they would. They would rather do that, than actually try to kill themselves, but their brain is functioning differently to other people’s. It’s determination to kill yourself. It’s not about having the courage to do it. People are genuinely suffering from heartbreaking emotional pain. If we truly thought that we had people to stay alive for, I’m sure we would stop to think twice about killing ourselves. Please don’t say that it takes courage, or guts to kill ourselves. It really isn’t about that.
I get no joy out of life. To me it makes no sense. I am a father of two I feel I have fulfilled my purpose here and now I want out.
I love your flippant “or just start walking “ I am a retired nurse with terrible pain caused by my career. I can’t just start walking and am in pain. I am miserable because of my pain and my husband dying. I make everyone around me miserable
This world is suffering. I have been working as a therapist and there is a lot of children and adults with mental problems. I have suicide thoughts sometimes too.
But iI calm my mind and say to myself: “Life will kill you anyway”
Just wait a bit more. Death comes anyway.
Live life like a dream. It’s like a dream. Don’t take this so seriously and personally: everybody hurts. Remember: life will kill you (and me and EVERYBODY) and we don’t know exactly when. It could be today or tomorrow. Or this same night. So for today , just keep noticing your breath and do something that doesn’t hurt.
Only one thing is certain: We will all be dead in 100 years.
Be patient and prepare your mind. If there were something after life , (nobody knows for sure) it’s better to get there being calm and in equanimity.
Maybe Life is a like a homework. I think it’s Better doing hard homework than to repeat a year… May your mind be clear.
Beautiful sentiments Alma.
Peyton is right. what about kids like us?
can any one tell me whats the easiset way to die i also ask same thing in 2019 but some of expert advice to to see the world…i agree with them and life 4more years but things are getting worst nothing is allright i have to die
Whats the easiest way to die ??
Hi. I have suicidal thoughts daily. I’m not a doctor, but my pain is from my profession too. I have thought about leaving, but I can’t afford it. I feel trapped. But you are right. Quitting is the sensible solution, even if I have less money to live on. I feel working fewer hours will also help. To give me space in my life not consumed by work.
Yes, makes perfect sense to remove yourself from a misery-provoking profession rather than remove yourself permanently from your life. I understand how all-consuming one’s profession can be given the devotion required as a physician. Work is never-ending so best to create boundaries and allow yourself to enjoy YOUR life outside of work.
I’m in a psych ward and still suicidal coz of voices
I am not a doctor or even in the medical field but I am a person who has been struggling with suicidal thoughts and actions. Reading this article has helped me to realize that suicide is not the only solution to the ending the deep emotional and mental pain I am struggling with. Maybe I just need to make some changes in my life. The things and people in my life that are causing the turmoil in my life are not worth keeping in my life. I’ve decided that I need to let go of the things that are causing pain in my life. As for the people, I need to make them aware of how their behaviors/actions are affecting me and if they are not willing to make adjustments then I need to let them go. I still don’t understand why it’s so hard to actually do these things but I finally understand that it needs to be done. I was looking up the easiest and fastest ways to die when I came across this article and I am so glad I found it. Thank you for providing an alternative perspective.
Oh I am pleased beyond what you could ever imagine with the beautiful comment you left. Thank you for choosing your beautiful life and for making the most of your soul’s purpose on this planet. ❤️
Am a ENT surgeon.
Last two months severe depression with anxirty.
Most of time having suicidal thoughts.
All because of abusive job.
Any help .
YESSSSSSS. Would you be willing to share how you feel in a very confidential group of physicians (about 10 – 15) this Sunday? I would love to have you join us so we can rally around you and help you feel supported and have strategies to move into a more positive future. Let me know. I will email you now as well.
ALSO — I think this text will inspire you. Saved an ENT doc’s life. We really do need each other. Community. Isolation is deadly.
Text message prevents surgeon’s suicide
A physician shares his suicide survival story with me. The 51 words that saved his life.
Hi Pamela, Here is the text that prevented my suicide:
“Hey I’m so sorry about your patient. That sucks. I’m very thankful that we have you as an excellent otolaryngologist to learn from. You take care of so many sick patients and do a marvelous job educating us how to do it safely, skillfully, and compassionately well. Thank you for that.”
It’s been a particularly hard year for me. But I’m surviving.
Thanks for all you do Pamela.
I shared his text as closing slide in my keynote last weekend on creating a culture of wellness among orthopaedic surgeons, anesthesiologists, and veterinarians. Concepts apply to all specialties and professions.
After interviewing male physicians who survived suicide attempts, I discovered the average time between their decision to die by suicide and the moment they grabbed their gun, pills, scalpel (or method of choice) was–3 to 5 minutes.
Average time it takes to type a text message—less than 1 minute.
Your best and fastest way to save a doctor’s life may be a text message.
(see video in above link)
Well I have just learned that the easiest way to die may be helium which is readily available in the UK where I live. I believe suicide is not a disease but a choice. Some people such as myself just simply dont want to be here and here should not be a prison
I really don’t want to live anymore, what I really want peaceful death, I know some countries have assisted suicide, I want that exactly that, I want my organs to be donated straight away for younger people in need, actually that’s what I want to trade, assisted suicide for my organs like heart, kidneys and whatever else.
If anyone could help me please contact me.
My info:
Man
Birthday: 31 Jan 1978
Location: Malta
I know very well that I will end my own life and nothing and Noone will stop me, it’s my basic right as human being, I really wish it will be assisted and my organs will be donated, I really don’t want it to be messy but if I couldn’t find a way then it would be either by hanging myself or slit my wrist.
Please if you’re in Switzerland or Canada and know someone who has daughter in need of a heart or kidneys and who could help me to get my assisted suicide I will be more than happy to donate my organs, I believe Switzerland is easier for me reach because I’m not EU citizen, Canada is little bit difficult
What is the medical condition that you have that is leading you to feel you want to end your life? What other treatments have you tried to get the help you need to live?
I can’t take my shit life any more no one cares I make minimum wage at 37. I can’t afford anything after rent is paid so what’s the point anymore.
im feeling suicidal because my oldest dog just died making me remember tons of my pets die from when i was younger and also i feel like my family members don’t care that im around any more and my grandpa almost died 2 times making me wanna kill my self and i realy dont care if any one doesn’t want me to and i dont feel like telling them this.
My sweet Kitty is in kidney failure and the wildest thing happened—another neighborhood cat showed up (his owner died) and now this big black fluffy thing I can’t get him off my lap! Please adopt another sweet animal. They need you. You need them. We are all in this together.
well GE thanks you don’t wanna help me then fine ill just jump its already too late bye
Please try not to do anything impulsive.
Well i’m looking for the easiest way to get the fuck outa here. I’m sick of this realm and i know its just a matter of when not if. I have kids and grand kids and a wife. This place is HELL and nobody will ever convince me otherwise. I loved the read, but nothing will change my mind. I’m hoping i take a massive heart attack to save me the bother of having to go through the suicide process, but that seems unlikely any time soon, so extreme mesures are needed. This aint a cry for help believe me, i.m leaving this mrssage because it’s honest and straight to the point. I really can understand why people take their own lives, because i’m that person. Bye.
Most people seem to choose a “slow suicide” through lifetime self-destructive behaviors. Whether it is quick or slow, I believe that we face our obstacles again in the net life or in the afterworls SO there is really no escaping ourselves. Life is a blessed journey to learn. We need hardship to overcome. If life were all rainbows & puppy dogs it would probably feel a little boring. Anyway, I am sending you love & support as someone who feels like I have survived the worst nightmares and many, many terrible tragedies in my life. Still breathing. We are all in this together as humans searching for meaning.
PART 8 Near death events further explained.
1) At a daycare when I was 5 years old my brother and I snuck out from the watchful eyes of the staff and went outside to play on the playground (black tar/cement foundation). While atop of the monkey bars I felt a cool breeze/puff of air sweep across my face. I instantly relaxed all muscles and plummeted head first to the ground. I had a concussion. Fortunately, the impact did not kill me or leave me paralyzed for Life.
2) Falling off bicycle hitting head.
When the kids of my neighborhood were bored we’d race our bicycles around a series of streets which were similar to a formulae one race course. Of course we didn’t use helmets and I was using a friends bike which was too big for me. As I rounded a corner I hit a puddle of water and the tires slid out from under me. I hit the pavement hard and received a concussion on the other side of my head. Luckily a doctor was visiting a friend in the neighborhood and came to my aid. I woke up in the hospital.
3) Thunder strike while counting cows.
During summer break from college I took on a job with the E.P.A. counting cows throughout the state of Nevada. It was a great job get paid Per Diem and room and board. So your paycheck went straight into the bank. This one time I was going down this dirt road outside of Hawthorne, NV. There was heavy rain and a thunderstorm nearby. I decided to abort the mission. I went to turn around and my tires spun out in the mud (2 wheel drive pickup). I thought about taking the jack and throwing the back end of the pickup to create a new back up zone. But it was thundering nearby and I didn’t want to take the chance of getting hit by lightening which meant that the truck would be grounded and there would be no protection. So I stayed in side of the pickup while the storm passed over head. At one point I opened the door of the pickup to see how much water had accumulated on the ground. As soon as I closed the door a bolt of lightening struck the hood of the pickup. I decided to go to sleep and wait til morning. The storm had left and when I tried backing up the pickup moved without a problem and I quickly returned to town. My coworker was just about to call the office and report me as missing.
4) Head hitting unpadded roll bar in vehicle struck by another vehicle.
I had just dropped off my girlfriend to pick up some shoes at a repair shop in downtown Reno, NV. When she got out of the jeep I saw a surprised fearful look upon her face. That’s the last thing I remember before being slammed into by another vehicle. I had a seat belt on but I had a roll cage in the jeep but it had no padding. The jeep was thrown 60 feet. I woke up in the hospital. This too could have turned out bad.
5) Non sleep 24 hours blacking out 10 times along I-80 Oakland, CA – Reno, NV.
I usually woke at 4 AM and got ready for work in by 6 AM. It was a Friday and my girlfriend called me to ask me if I could pick her and her daughter up at 3PM and drive them to the San Francisco Airport. She was taking a trip to Escapa, Mexico for a vacation. She still had a lot of stuff to do before we left (get her nails done and hair, pick up money/drugs PCP from someone in San Jose, CA-I thought it was just to get money I had no idea about the drugs.) Anyway it is like 1-2 AM in the morning and her flight left between 6-7 AM. I couldn’t see spending $75 for a motel room for only a few hours of use. Besides I had to get back to Reno, NV as I was teaching a Sunday School class. Needless to say she ran into a friend at the airport who owned a limousine business at the airport. He offered to let her stay at his place and return her to the airport on time in order to catch her flight. So I go across the bay into El Cerrito, CA where my aunt and uncle live. I decide to park at their house but then think what if the police come and they get woken up. So I decide to go to Denny’s and get something to eat and have some coffee. I had limited funds at that point. Any on the drive back to Reno I must have passed out at least 10 times. I never wanted to pull over to the side of the road because I remember one friend Greg LeMond, famous Tour de France winner (cyclist), who did that and was rear ended by a semi-truck. After recovery his racing form was never the same but at least he was alive. Anyway, I remember being awakened atop the mountain ski summit on I-80 and seeing a deer prancing in front of my car. That fright gave me a little adrenalin boost which got me into Reno but halfway home I would go under the I-80/395 N. overpass. It was there that I passed out for the last time. My car had swerved rightward into a sandy area. Now normally one would become startled awake and instinctively pull the steering wheel hard left. In most cases and under certain circumstances such as the one I was in this would have rolled over the vehicle. But something had grabbed hold of my steering wheel and kept it straight. My ANGELS at work. Well, that pumped enough adrenalin in me to go the extra 2 miles home. I can’t remember if I had shed my clothes or not but I hit the bed and slept for a solid 20 hours. The next morning I got up and went to give my Sunday School lesson. The topic was on the Life and impact of Jesus Christ. I don’t know if I was saved because some teenager in that class needed to hear my lesson or perhaps so that I could share with you all today.
I know of the simplest/easy way to commit suicide. It was taught to me by a F.B.I. profiler who conducted their own experiment because family members and friends said that their relative and/or friend would never commit suicide and especially in that manor!
Dr. Pamela Wible asked me to share some information on her site after viewing a YouTube video I made on “Suicidal Handwriting Traits” (15 min)
https://youtu.be/pPyZXNoEgb0I
I have broken down the information into 8 PARTS so that you can view what you want without having to view this stuff in it’s entirety.
PART 1 “Goodbye” over the phone!
PART 2 2 SECONDS AWAY FROM DEATH!
PART 3 The Golden Gate Bridge
PART 4 SUICIDE as revealed from the OTHER SIDE!
PART 5 A friend committed suicide … I invite him to my room…and he came!
PART 6 LIFE’S BLUEPRINT: The Drunken Man From “Embraced By The Light” By Betty Eadie
PART 7 ATHIEST MEETS GOD AND IS THANKED FOR HIS SERVICE!
PART 8 Near death events further explained.
PART 1 “Goodbye” over the phone!
I will be referencing other websites which I have created in order to HELP people. I make no money off of these websites they are created in order to share pertinent information. I have also created a website so that people can create a 501(c)3 Foundation by yourself without incurring $1400-2000 attorney fees.
Back in 2013 I received a phone call from my niece. Her marriage was in a shambles. She and her husband argued all the time. But I loved her husband because he rescued my niece from a Life of drugs and prostitution in Reno, Nevada. I knew that anyone who hooked up with my niece was in for the ride of their lives. Growing up as the story would go my niece’s mother would throw food on the floor and say “supper time”. Her father was Captain in the tank corp division of the Army. He was a great and jovial guy but he to succumb to drugs and committed suicide after a few attempts. I remember he must have shot up somewhere in his ear region as the ear became deformed. His insurance would have covered the cost of reconstruction but he wanted to keep it the same as a reminder of the mistakes he had recently made. So my niece was a mess and every job that she took only lasted at best a week. So I created a website for her and others “Suicide No Guarantee”
As of this writing 10/25/23 my niece and her husband have officially gone their separate ways. This brought back her daily suicide feelings. I always communicate with her in order to bolster her feelings and I even created another website on “How To Find Your Perfect Mate” :
EVERY DAY: 3 Women are murdered by a current or past relationship. A woman is beaten every 15 seconds by a husband or partner in the United States. I created a website on “Domestic Violence” what to look out for especially as it relates to Handwriting Analysis and Personology.
GABBY PETITO:I also did a website on the case of Gabby Petito who was on a fun loving journey when she was expired by her boyfriend Brian Laundries.
PART 2 2 SECONDS AWAY FROM DEATH!
I have faced death numerous times. They say that a cat has nine lives…boy am I getting close to that number. Full stories covered in PART 8
1) Incident at Child Care facility falling off Monkey Bars head first impacting concrete.
2) Falling off bicycle hitting head.
3) Thunder strike while counting cows.
4) Head hitting unpadded roll bar in vehicle struck by another vehicle.
5) Non sleep 24 hours blacking out 10 times along I-80 Oakland, CA – Reno, NV.
So Sunday (04/09/23) at 1 AM someone decides to shoot a round into my bedroom. I had just opened the door to my bedroom when I saw a puff of drywall dissipating from my bedroom wall. I heard a pop and thought maybe my light bulb had burned out on my small touch lamp (but it wasn’t on unless maybe I had bumped into it sometime during the day.) So I didn’t think much of it at the time. Then I noticed what appeared to be stink bug on the wall leading into the closet. Upon further inspection I determined it was a round hole. As I checked in the closet I could see another streak hole in the adjacent wall. Now if I was sitting in my recliner the bullet would have struck me in the head. If I had entered the room 2 seconds earlier I would have gone over to another standing lamp to turn it off. The bullet would have hit me in my kill zone area (heart). So I’m thinking/praying that it was a random occurrence. But this is LIFE CHANGING! I possibly CHEATED death one more time so it’s time to FINISH things I have put on the BACK BURNER
PART 3 The Golden Gate Bridge
The GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE is considered the #1 location for suicides. Since being built there have been over 1300 suicides committed with an average of 20 per year. Recently, a sociologist conducted an interview study of individuals who had attempted suicide from the GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE and survived to talk about their experience. In each instance, those being interviewed acknowledged that at about two-thirds of the way down they realized that all of the situations in life that had caused them to take their own life were fixable except for the fact that they were plummeting toward the ocean below. (It should be noted that during the interviews the sociologist did not reference or question their feelings regarding their plight in midair. Each person who had attempted suicide came forth with that same information on their own with no prompting from the sociologist).
PART 4 SUICIDE as revealed from the OTHER SIDE!
From Sylvia Browns book [THE OTHER SIDE AND BACK – a Psychics Guide to our World and Beyond]
…I want to stress one other point…with a few exceptions, SUICIDE is not an option as a potential exit point. Suicide, most of the time, is a broken contract with ourselves, our own blueprints, and with God. That does not mean God condemns suicide victims to an eternal hell. There is no such thing and God would never do that. But as you saw in [The Dark Side] chapter, the long-term consequences for most suicides can last for too many lifetimes to be worth the momentary relief.
From Sylvia’s book: Suicides resulting from hopelessness and despair, I now know, go to the Holding Place. In fact, if you have ever talked to someone who had a near-death experience during a failed despair suicide attempt, they describe finding themselves in a place of OVERWHELMING sadness, not in pitch blackness but more as if they are[away from the light]. They are either surrounded by silence, or they are being mocked and scorned by the other spirits around them, with no compassion to be found anywhere. Yet that also means they still have the option to choose to join the dark entities in the blackness or to go to Gods unconditional love through the right door on the Other Side. Again, our prayers (earthbound you and me) can make all the difference.
Those suicides from despair and other gray entities who choose the Dark Side go directly back into utero (reincarnation) again, just as the dark entities do. Unlike dark entities, though, they will not be dark in their new incarnation. They will be grey (like tittering on a fence half in half off) again, with a new life and new chances to choose the light and overcome the hopelessness that defeated them the last time.
EXCERPT FROM TALKING TO HEAVEN A Mediums Message Of Life After Death by James Van Praagh
As living individuals, we are made up of everything we have ever experienced in past lifetimes. In other words, our present lifetime is a compilation of past thoughts, actions, and deeds, positive or negative, that we have brought with us. Because of past karma, we find ourselves being reborn into certain family situations with a particular economic and social status that is necessary for our spiritual growth.
Before coming into an earthly incarnation, a soul prepares for its new life in the spiritual realms. It is common for a soul to return to a field of work in which it had previous lifetimes of interest or experience. Let us say a soul plans to experience earth life in the year 2021 as a medical professional. It will spend time with its guides and teachers perfecting necessary skills and will look into medical breakthroughs and technologies that will be available at that time. It may also come aware of new diseases or scourges that will affect humankind, and it will learn how to spread knowledge and love to everyone through its potential work on earth. As a soul becomes aware of this knowledge, it is integrated into a new personality. It is vital the soul understands the value of its participation in the future of humankind and how it will affect the lives of many others.
As spiritual beings, we are forever learning, developing, and evolving. We look at our future incarnation as sort of a blueprint of what we are attempting to accomplish and learn as we walk in the physical body. Therefore we pick out opportunities and experiences on the earth that are optimum for our spiritual growth and awareness. Our karma is intertwined with the timing of our next incarnation and our experience in it.
Ultimately, we all are here to learn LOVE. It may sound simple, but by and large, it is not easy. Love has many aspects. One of the first lessons we are attempting to learn is a LOVE of self. Without love and awareness of self, we will not know how to love others. Once we have mastered such unconditional LOVE of self and others, we become enlightened and have respect for the natural law of cause and effect not because we want a better position in life but rather because we know it is the only way. By understanding this law, and by living it, we come to respect each others uniqueness. Then we can live in accordance with our fellow human beings for the betterment of all.
THE INCLINATION TOWARD SUICIDE
This earth is a place to experience elements and aspects of human condition we cannot experience anywhere else. It is a place of growth, and growth is never easy. Most people alive today are constantly challenged with worries of survival. We are bombarded by financial, employment, emotional, or health concerns. Many times these worries are associated with feelings of self destruction. We think, [I cannot get through this or i would be better off dead.]
It is quite common for most people to feel suicidal at least once in their lives. However, this feeling comes and goes as situations change. The type of personality who is obsessed with the idea of self destruction and makes several attempts to end his or her life usually belongs to one of the following categories.
1). A person with a controlling personality, and who feels out of control with his situation.
2). A person who has a very negative self image. Who see themselves as worthless because they feel they contribute nothing to society. They think that the planet would be a better place without them.
3). Those who are terminally ill and do not want to go through the pain and suffering of dying.
4). Those who are mentally ill or have a biochemical imbalance.
It is understandable that because of certain feelings, circumstances, and beliefs, one could find a perfect rationale for doing away with ones life. However, from a spiritual point of view, it is not right. We each have a destiny to which we are born. Our karmic destiny may only last for one month, or thirty five years, or eighty years. Before we return to this earth, we fill ourselves with a strong desire for birth and physical experience, and we enter this world with a timing mechanism built into our psychic web. When life is cut short, our physical body ceases to exist, but we must understand that the [magnetic ties] we have to the earth are still active. These ties are severed only when we have completed our preordained time on the physical plane. For it is written, [Every season has its time.]
WHEN A PERSON KILLS HIMSELF, one of the first things he realizes is that he is not dead. He has an overwhelming feeling of being heavy because the earth ties are still a part of his nature. In a way, we can say the soul is not totally free. The mortal personality dies, but not the immortal soul. The soul remains stuck between the physical world and the spiritual world alive but unable to communicate with loved ones or anyone else. The soul feels guilt, pain, and anguish for a life cut short. They learn of their destiny and how beneficial and meaningful their life would have been if they had stayed alive [remember movie ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE]. In the spiritual state, they become aware of why they had to go through the particular experiences that drove them to suicide. They also sense the grief and anger of those they left behind. The most unfortunate circumstance is that they find themselves in a limbo state. They are not able to go to the heaven worlds, nor are they able to return to the physical world. They are STUCK in a [NO MANS LAND] with the constant memory of their horrific act. They see their deaths over and over again. The suicide act becomes an endless loop, and it can be pretty gruesome. Eventually the time comes when they realize that they are actually dead to the physical plane.
THE SPIRITUAL VIEW OF SUICIDE
Behind any act there is a powerful force known as motive. It is the motive that is the determining factor, not only for suicide but for every action in our lives. Through motive comes action, and we create actions based on motives. As I have stated many times, there is a natural law of cause and effect. In other words, action is a direct result of motive.
In the case of the terminally ill or elderly persons, some are sick and want to save their families, time, money, and heartache by committing suicide. These persons are unaware of the spiritual side of their actions. Perhaps before coming into the physical plane, family members set up certain conditions and situations in order to work out their group karma. Or they needed to experience being of service to the one who is ill. Furthermore, some argue that assisted suicide is best it stops suffering and gives death some dignity. But who can play God? How do we know that a soul did not choose to go through the experience of a fatal illness in order to burn away karma? If we cut short someones natural time on earth we never know whether something valuable could have been learned or whether such an experience was necessary to reach a new spiritual plateau.
In any event, when suicide occurs a soul will have to go through and learn the experience AGAIN, having to return in another lifetime with the same or similar ailment. The ailment may not be as extreme as it was in a previous life because part of it has already been lived out. Usually, a soul has to exhaust a disease so it can never be affected by it again.
THERE ARE TWO EXCEPTIONS TO WRONGDOING OF SUICIDE:
1). If suicide is brought about by individuals who are mentally ill or have a biochemical imbalance. In such situations, these persons are not completely conscious of their decisions. When they pass over, they find themselves in sort of a [ward] where they are helped to heal their mental conditions and their soul nature is restored to its proper state.
2). The second exception to suicide is a soul who comes back to the physical world before its proper time and is not mature enough to handle the lessons it thought it could. Even though a soul thinks it has certain strength, it arrives on earth and does not feel comfortable. Those with this short coming have often said prior to their death words to the effect: [I do not fit in, or I do not think it is the right time for me.]
Because it is the nature of the soul to grow and learn, we always bring into our lives specific situations to overcome or balance out. If we realize that while on earth it is normal to experience physical, mental, or emotional pain, and suicide [does not] take away any of it, I believe there would be FEWER SUICIDES. We need to educate ourselves, and especially our young people, about the [wrongs] of suicide and accentuate the responsibility of living life fully.
EXCERPT FROM [THE UNQUIET DEAD]:
What Happens To People Who Commit Suicide?
From the work I have done, I find that some remain in the physical world as discarnates, CARRYING ALL THE HEAVY FEELINGS THEY EXPERIENCED MOMENTS BEFORE THEIR DEATHS. As long as they are earthbound, they feel exactly as they did prior to suicide.
Others who kill themselves go directly into the Light and the spirit world. The moment they float up from their lifeless bodies, they feel free and relieved of their depression, anguish or anger.
Those who go into the Light immediately and those who remain in the physical world ULTIMATELY have to face the same test situation: the choice of killing themselves or not. Like an exam, they either fail it again in another life, or pass it by not destroying themselves. There is no punishment, only education and other chances for spiritual growth.
If One Has Trouble [SEEING] the White Light when using the White Light technique for protection, is this preventing it from being effective?
NO, many of my patients do not [SEE] the White Light when they are strengthening there auras. Just imagining it is there or KNOWING it is there is enough.
EXCERPT FROM [EMBRACED BY THE LIGHT]: Please NOTE according to the author reincarnation does not exist hence, her near-death experience taught her that we only experience life once (make the best of it).
We must never consider suicide. This act will only cause us to lose opportunities for further development while here on earth. And AFTERWARDS, in reflecting back on these lost opportunities we would feel much pain and sorrow. It is important to remember, though, that God is the judge of each soul and the severity of each souls trials. Seek hope, in at least one positive act, and you may begin to see a glimmer of light that you have missed before. Despair is NEVER JUSTIFIED, BECAUSE IT IS NEVER NEEDED. We are here to learn, to experiment, to make mistakes. We do not need to judge ourselves harshly (note: we are our worst enemies because we criticize ourselves to such extremes and sometimes set our expectations to high); we just need to take life one step at a time, not worrying about other peoples judgment of us, nor measuring ourselves and be grateful for the things that help us grow. Our most severe challenges will one day reveal themselves to be our greatest teachers
Because I knew that all creation begins with thoughts, I also knew that the creation of sin, and of guilt, and of DESPAIR, and of HOPE, and of love all start within us. All HEALING comes from within. We can create our own spiral of despair, or we can create a trampoline of happiness and attainment. Our thoughts have TREMENDOUS power.
We are like babies crawling around, trying to learn how to use the forces within us. They are powerful forces and are governed by laws that will protect us from ourselves. But as we grow and seek the POSITIVE all around us, even the laws themselves will be REVEALED. We will be given all that we are prepared to receive.
EXCERPTS FROM [THE SPIRIT BOOK]
What are in general the effects of SUICIDE on the state of the spirit by whom it has been committed?
[The consequences of suicide vary in different cases, because the penalties it entails are always proportioned to the circumstances which, in each case, have led to its commission. The one PUNISHMENT which NONE can ESCAPE who have committed suicide is DISAPPOINTMENT; the rest of their punishment depends on circumstances. Some of those who have killed themselves expiate their fault at once; others do so in a new earthly life HARDER TO BEAR than the one whose course they have interrupted.]
In some cases the result of suicide is a sort of connection with terrestrial matter, from which they vainly endeavor to FREE themselves, that they may rise to HAPPIER WORLDS, access to which is DENIED them; in other cases it is the REGRET for having done something USELESS , and from which they have only reaped DISAPPOINTMENT
PART 5 A friend committed suicide … I invite him to my room…and he came!
One afternoon a friend of mine took his own life. We were away from home and were staying at a motel. He was president of a young person’s organization. And, this was to be his first board meeting. There were about 50 people in attendance this weekend. There was to be an awards banquet that evening. Everything was canceled after this occurrence. I knew that my friend would be alone and would need somewhere to go, so I invited his spirit to come to my room as a safe haven. I inadvertently forgot to mention this special invitation to my wife. She is very psychic but doesn’t pursue this gift. Anyway that evening as I was fast asleep my friend paid us a visit. Ginger would recount this to me in the morning. She said that my friend had indeed visited us that evening. He was very upset at what he had done and the fact that his family would have to live with his ill fated decision. He paced back and forth in a fit of rage at his stupidity and the fact that he was powerless to change things back. Ginger finally had enough and asked my friend to leave and go towards the light. His spirit did leave the room and I was told by another female friend that he had also visited her that evening. Everyone thinks of suicide at least one time in their life, but it takes perseverance to stick life out till it is truly time to depart. This incidence brings home the fact to me that taking ones life is not the answer.
Update: I had not seen my friend’s family in the past 5 years since this incident occurred. To my surprise, I was reunited with the family when my friend’s eldest daughter, all of 17, was admitted to the teen drug/alcohol rehab center where I worked. She attributes a lot of her problems to her father’s suicide.
TRUE STORY: One of my dearest friend’s whom I met through work related their story to me. They were attending college and had fallen in LOVE with someone they had thought was a remarkable person (I use third person so as to not give away their identity). But this person was soon into drugs and had passed along their passion for this vice to my friend. When the relationship ended my friend was handed a gun and a single bullet and informed that they wouldn’t be missed. My friend didn’t take that person’s advice but maintained their drug habit and went, as far as, to do prostitution to support their fix. When the cops came upon my friend, who was laying motionless in an alley, they thought they had rolled up on a corpse. My friend received drug counseling and has been sober for over 20+ years. When they went back to the counseling facility to re-unite with their counselor, the counselor opened up a cabinet door and on it was a photo of my friend that was taken when the cops came upon my friend’s lifeless body in the alley. Their counselor informed my friend that whenever they had a new client assigned to them they would show that new client the photo and state “If you don’t do something about your condition, you could easily wind up like that!” I am very fortunate to have this special friend in my life!
FINAL WORDS FROM ME: When I said there were NO GUARANTEES this is what I meant. No one gave a definitive time period as to how long you would stay in limbo before being re-initiated into another life here on earth (granted there are those who don’t believe in reincarnation…I like to believe that what influences us can become a reality if only as it pertains to us). One thing is clear however, more than likely you will be miserable as you reflect upon your ultimate decision. I have read that in some cases the time span is short, sometimes you may have to remain until the date when your life would have naturally lived out its existence here on Earth. And in some instances it can take longer than that (remember time does not exist in the COSMOS/UNIVERSE).
WORSE YET is the thought of having to be reborn and re-educated in the school system. YUCK!!! And then there is the possibility that the CIRCUMSTANCES will be HARSHER next time around. UGH!!!
PART 6 LIFE’S BLUEPRINT: The Drunken Man From “Embraced By The Light” By Betty Eadie
WE ALL HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE. SOMETIMES IT IS TO EFFECT OTHERS IN SOME SPECIAL WAY. A YOUNG GIRL WHO HAD JUST RECIEVED HER DRIVERS LICENSE WAS KILLED IN A FATAL CRASH INVOLVING A DRUNK INDIVIDUAL. HER PURPOSE IN LIFE MAY HAVE ONLY BEEN TO ACT AS AN SCRAFICE IN ORDER TO REVEAL THE DRUNEN INDIVIDUAL. IF SHE HAD NOT THEN PURHAPS THIS DUI INDIVIDUAL MAY HAVE CRASHED INTO A BUS LOADED WITH CHILDREN CAUSING FATALITIES! A FEW YEARS AFTER HEARING THIS STORY A DUI DRIVER IN A TRUCK DID CRASH INTO A SCHOOL BUS FULL OF CHILDREN. LUCKILY, ONLY A FEW CHILDREN WERE HURT BY THE ORDEAL. SO IT CAN HAPPEN!
Coming to earth is much like selecting a college and choosing a course of study. We are all at various levels of spiritual development, and we have come here in the stations that best suit our spiritual needs. The minute we judge others for their faults or shortcomings, we are displaying a similar shortcoming in ourselves. We don’t have the knowledge to judge people accurately here.
As if to illustrate this principle for me, the heavens were scrolled back, and I saw the earth again. This time my vision focused on a street corner in a large city. There, I saw a man lying in a drunken stupor on the sidewalk near a building. One of my guides said, “What do you see?”
“Why, a drunken bum lying in his wallow,” I said, not understanding why I had to see this.
My guides became excited. They said, “Now we will show you who he really is.”
His spirit was revealed to me, and I saw a magnificent man, full of light. Love emanated from his being, and I understood that he was greatly understood that the attorney was naturally compassionate, but seeing the drunk would spark him to do more for those who needed his means. I knew that they would see each other, and the attorney would recognize the spirit within the man-and be moved to do much good. They would never know their covenanted roles here, but their missions would be fulfilled nonetheless. The drunk had sacrificed his time on earth for the benefit of another. His development would continue and other things he might need for progression would be given him later.
I recollected that I, too, had met people who had seemed admired in the heavens. This great being came to earth as a teacher to help a friend that he had spiritually bonded with.
His friend was a prominent attorney who had an office a few blocks away from this corner. Although the drunk now had no recollection of this agreement with his friend, his purpose was to be a reminder to him of the needs of others. I familiar to me. The first time I met them I felt an instant closeness, a recognition, but hadn’t known why. Now I knew that they had been sent to my path for a reason. They had always been special to me.
My escorts spoke again, bringing me out of my thoughts, and said that because I lacked pure knowledge I should never judge another. Those who passed by the drunk on the corner could not see the noble spirit within, and so judged by outward appearances. I had been guilty of this kind of judgment, silently judging others based on their wealth or outward abilities. I saw now that I had been unjust, that I had no idea of what their lives were like, or, more importantly, what their spirits were like.
The thought also came to me, “For ye have the poor with you always, and whensoever ye will ye may do them good.” But even as this scripture came to me it bothered me. Why do we have the poor with us? Why couldn’t the Lord provide everything? Why couldn’t he just prompt the attorney to share his money with others? The guides broke into my thoughts again and said, “There are angels that walk among you, that you are unaware of.”
I was puzzled. The guides then helped me to understand. We ALL have needs, not just the poor. And all of us have made commitments in the spirit world to help each other. But we are slow to keep our covenants made so long ago. So the Lord sends angels to prompt us, to help us to be true to these obligations. He won’t force us, but he can prompt us. We don’t know who these beings are-they appear like anybody else-but they are with us more often than we know.
I didn’t feel rebuked, but I knew I had clearly misunderstood-and underestimated-the Lord’s help for us here. He will give us all the help he can without interfering in our personal agency and free will. We must be willing to help each other. We must be willing to see that the poor are as worthy of our esteem as the rich. We must be willing to accept ALL others, even those different from us. All are worthy of our love and kindness. We have no right to be intolerant or angry or “fed up.” We have no right to look down at others or condemn then in our hearts. The only thing we can take with us from this life is the good that we have done to others. I saw that all of our good deeds and kind words will come back to bless us a hundred fold after this life. Our strength will be found in our charity.
My escorts and I were silent a moment. The drunk was gone from my sight. My soul was filled with understanding and love. Oh, that I could help others as that drunk will help his friend. Oh, that I could be a blessing to others in my life. My soul reverberated with the final fact: Our strength will be found in our charity
“We don’t have the knowledge to judge people accurately here.”
Perfectly stated.
Pamela Hi, I would like your take on my situation please. I have in probably the last year become very very soft towards everything, my dog, my Wife and 2 sons. However I think of death by suicide and various ways. I am weary of not dying in my attempt and ending a burden. My wife and 2 sons are very vocal and my wife since I retired a year ago continuously corrects me or tells Doctors or Physcologists that I am a loose cannon.I have thought very heavily of suicide or just disappearing from them forever recently Suicide thoughts are with me every minute of the day.I reach a point then call for help from whoever will help at the time. I know that time is running out and I feel closer to suicide than ever before. please do not tell me to get help I am already with a care worker and phscologist and really I feel no different about my thoughts after 4 years only the thoughts are stronger and more freequent. Just writing this brings soft trears to my eyes.
What does your psychiatrist or psychologist recommend? Are you on treatment? Do you have a confidante or good friend you can share your feelings with?
PART 7 ATHIEST MEETS GOD AND IS THANKED FOR HIS SERVICE!
No one knows what God wills for each of his children. No one can judge character or intent but him.
If we could glimpse the mind of God, the truth about some people’s missions would absolutely amaze us. For years the renowned professor and scientist, Charles Camp, debated religious leaders on the radio. He also traveled nationwide advocating the facts of science as opposed to the concepts of Creationism. Over the years he lost faith in God and became known as an outspoken and articulate atheist. Then, as he lay dying in a hospital. all that changed. He discovered the beauty and intricacy of God’s plan for him. He was astounded that despite his atheism-God had been using him all along for His loving purposes. Here Charles Camp s widow. Joanna Camp. / shares the story:
Dear Mrs. Eadie:
My husband died in 1975. Before his actual death, his doctors pronounced him dead three times. They were astonished to witness his return to life each time with a clear mind and filled with energy, even though he was dying of terminal cancer and old age. At the hospital. the nurses began to call him among themselves “the man who wouldn’t die.” All this is recorded in the hospital records.
During the times that he was dead my husband experienced things, some of which were exactly as you wrote about in your book.
Charles was a professor at the University of California at Berkeley and was written up as the “father eo paleontology”. For years he taught medical students. When the subject of near-death experiences would come up in class Charles would explain that there is no life beyond the grave. that everything ends there. That the body gradually changes to become nourishment for other forms of life. The experience of going through a dark tunnel to see “God” at the end as a bright light was just an illusion. For when the body is undergoing the hard stress of dying. he said. certain chemical reactions are triggered in the brain, and this is nature’s way of providing ease from the stress, nothing more. So imagine his great surprise when he found himself separated from his physical body at the hospital. He told me that he began to analyze everything carefully. taking nothing for granted. But soon he had to admit to himself- that this was certainly not an illusion. He’d never felt more alive! All of his many senses seemed to surface. to come alive in him. he said.
Next he found himself in the dark tunnel. before the bright light and God! God received him with the same unconditional love that you experienced, Mrs. Eddie. He said his entire body vibrated with God’s wonderful love. From head to toe, God’s love flooded him. and once you have experienced God’s love, he said, you’ll want to remain forever by his side, never to be far from his love ever again. He learned that though he had not believed in God on earth. God believed in him! God had loved him tremendously. since the very beginning.
Charles was an atheist on earth, but he was not a person who fought good, nor was he against humanity. He was known for his genuine humility, gentleness of spirit and his great love for people. His goal in life had been to aid humanity in any way possible, to help mankind evolve and get on the right path mentally. He dedicated his life to help remove ugly racial and religious prejudices. For seventeen year Charles was was a spokesman for the university and a radio debater. His job was to deal with radical preachers who were constantly challenging the science departments of the nation’s universities, demanding that that they shut down or teach science only according to the Bible –or according to their own interpretations of it.
Charles was well prepared for this. He had studied the Bible for many years in the original languages. He said his aim was to make the church leaders realize how far they had strayed from the true master that they claimed to follow: Jesus Christ. Charles soon gained great fame for this, but because of the dark works found in the Christian churches then. he turned further and further away from the Bible-and he eventual wanted no part of the God that these churches followed.
Then. when he died and stood before God’s bright light in heaven. he learned this had been his major mission on earth-to debate with religious leaders who were taking the world into a dark path. He learned that the only way he could do this was as a scientist! He was reminded that Jesus Christ came to earth to chastise the religious leaders of his time. who were also leading their people in the wrong path.
Who would ever have believed that Berkeley’s famous atheist would be the person to teach me about God! And who would have believed I would look deeply into the eyes of an atheist to see the spirit of Christ in those eyes! Life has never ceased to amaze me.
It may take a lifetime of following our hearts before learning that we’ve been doing what God sent us to do in the first place. Charles Camp reminds me of Saul in the Bible. What passionate men! They knew what they believed, and they taught it with all their hearts. In “The Awakening Heart” I told the story of my brother in-law Tom, who had been an atheist most of his life. I told him of my experience in heaven with God, and he dismissed it outright. Then God redirected his life by giving Tom his own near-death experience. What a gift and a blessing! Tom was instructed to tell everyone he met that God lives both in heaven and in the hearts of all mankind. Today, as he speaks of his knowledge of God, he shares his precious message with passion and love. God can especial]v use people who throw themselves into what they love, Who walk forward confidently committed to a cause. In Revelation 3:15-16. we read: “1 know thy wcrks. that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because you art lukewarm and neither cold nor hot. I will spue thee out of my mouth.”
Following one’s heart with passion. direction. and determination is giving life to life. Could any father ask for more?
On the other side I was told that each person’s life is like a river. The destination is set. but the method of our journeying is up to us. We can cruise down the middle of the river at top speed. or we can hug the shore and spin around in eddies. We can crash over rapids or chart a safer path between obstacles. We can slum along the bottom in the mire and slime of sediment, or we can glide along the sparkling surface where the air is clean. The river is ours from birth to death. How we navigate it is determined by the hundreds of small choices we make each day.
God can especially use people who will throw themselves passionately into what they love, who walk forward confidently committed to a cause.
To discover our mission in life we must see challenges as opportunities for growth and then face them head on. Each challenge measures our strengths and progress. Even when trials cause pain or sorrow, we must look for new lessons in the pain and ask God for the power to learn and to grow from it. Suffering focuses our attention on what matters most, and with God ‘s help. we can strengthen our spirits by learning patience, tolerance and love. These lessons learned. we become co-navigators with God. But when unlearned, we go into the eddies, spinning around. making little progress. even blaming God for our unremitting suffering.
One reader wrote:
Life just seems so hard-so demanding-l can’t keep up. Is this it? Can I not expect any more? Is my- total existence here just to complete a mission? I’m not to have any happiness, just wait for the job to be up so I can “check out?”
PART 8 Near death events further explained. redo
1) At a daycare when I was 5 years old my brother and I snuck out from the watchful eyes of the staff and went outside to play on the playground (black tar/cement foundation). While atop of the monkey bars I felt a cool breeze/puff of air sweep across my face. I instantly relaxed all muscles and plummeted head first to the ground. I had a concussion. Fortunately, the impact did not kill me or leave me paralyzed for Life.
2) Falling off bicycle hitting head.
When the kids of my neighborhood were bored we’d race our bicycles around a series of streets which were similar to a formulae one race course. Of course we didn’t use helmets and I was using a friends bike which was too big for me. As I rounded a corner I hit a puddle of water and the tires slid out from under me. I hit the pavement hard and received a concussion on the other side of my head. Luckily a doctor was visiting a friend in the neighborhood and came to my aid. I woke up in the hospital.
3) Thunder strike while counting cows.
During summer break from college I took on a job with the E.P.A. counting cows throughout the state of Nevada. It was a great job get paid Per Diem and room and board. So your paycheck went straight into the bank. This one time I was going down this dirt road outside of Hawthorne, NV. There was heavy rain and a thunderstorm nearby. I decided to abort the mission. I went to turn around and my tires spun out in the mud (2 wheel drive pickup). I thought about taking the jack and throwing the back end of the pickup to create a new back up zone. But it was thundering nearby and I didn’t want to take the chance of getting hit by lightening which meant that the truck would be grounded and there would be no protection. So I stayed in side of the pickup while the storm passed over head. At one point I opened the door of the pickup to see how much water had accumulated on the ground. As soon as I closed the door a bolt of lightening struck the hood of the pickup. I decided to go to sleep and wait til morning. The storm had left and when I tried backing up the pickup moved without a problem and I quickly returned to town. My coworker was just about to call the office and report me as missing.
4) Head hitting unpadded roll bar in vehicle struck by another vehicle.
I had just dropped off my girlfriend to pick up some shoes at a repair shop in downtown Reno, NV. When she got out of the jeep I saw a surprised fearful look upon her face. That’s the last thing I remember before being slammed into by another vehicle. I had a seat belt on but I had a roll cage in the jeep but it had no padding. The jeep was thrown 60 feet. I woke up in the hospital. This too could have turned out bad.
5) Non sleep 24 hours blacking out 10 times along I-80 Oakland, CA – Reno, NV.
I usually woke at 4 AM and got ready for work in by 6 AM. It was a Friday and my girlfriend called me to ask me if I could pick her and her daughter up at 3PM and drive them to the San Francisco Airport. She was taking a trip to Escapa, Mexico for a vacation. She still had a lot of stuff to do before we left (get her nails done and hair, pick up money/drugs PCP from someone in San Jose, CA-I thought it was just to get money I had no idea about the drugs.) Anyway it is like 1-2 AM in the morning and her flight left between 6-7 AM. I couldn’t see spending $75 for a motel room for only a few hours of use. Besides I had to get back to Reno, NV as I was teaching a Sunday School class. Needless to say she ran into a friend at the airport who owned a limousine business at the airport. He offered to let her stay at his place and return her to the airport on time in order to catch her flight. So I go across the bay into El Cerrito, CA where my aunt and uncle live. I decide to park at their house but then think what if the police come and they get woken up. So I decide to go to Denny’s and get something to eat and have some coffee. I had limited funds at that point. Any on the drive back to Reno I must have passed out at least 10 times. I never wanted to pull over to the side of the road because I remember one friend Greg LeMond, famous Tour de France winner (cyclist), who did that and was rear ended by a semi-truck. After recovery his racing form was never the same but at least he was alive. Anyway, I remember being awakened atop the mountain ski summit on I-80 and seeing a deer prancing in front of my car. That fright gave me a little adrenalin boost which got me into Reno but halfway home I would go under the I-80/395 N. overpass. It was there that I passed out for the last time. My car had swerved rightward into a sandy area. Now normally one would become startled awake and instinctively pull the steering wheel hard left. In most cases and under certain circumstances such as the one I was in this would have rolled over the vehicle. But something had grabbed hold of my steering wheel and kept it straight. My ANGELS at work. Well, that pumped enough adrenalin in me to go the extra 2 miles home. I can’t remember if I had shed my clothes or not but I hit the bed and slept for a solid 20 hours. The next morning I got up and went to give my Sunday School lesson. The topic was on the Life and impact of Jesus Christ. I don’t know if I was saved because some teenager in that class needed to hear my lesson or perhaps so that I could share with you all today.
Seems like you have overcome many near-death experiences!
I like to think that I still have a purpose if only to share this story/content with others!
I know of the simplest/easy way to commit suicide. It was taught to me by a F.B.I. profiler who conducted their own experiment because family members and friends said that their relative and/or friend would never commit suicide and especially in that manor!
Dr. Pamela Wible asked me to share some information on her site after viewing a YouTube video I made on “Suicidal Handwriting Traits” (15 min)
https://youtu.be/pPyZXNoEgb0I
I have broken down the information into 8 PARTS so that you can view what you want without having to view this stuff in it’s entirety.
PART 1 “Goodbye” over the phone!
PART 2 2 SECONDS AWAY FROM DEATH!
PART 3 The Golden Gate Bridge
PART 4 SUICIDE as revealed from the OTHER SIDE!
PART 5 A friend committed suicide … I invite him to my room…and he came!
PART 6 LIFE’S BLUEPRINT: The Drunken Man From “Embraced By The Light” By Betty Eadie
PART 7 ATHIEST MEETS GOD AND IS THANKED FOR HIS SERVICE!
PART 8 Near death events further explained.
PART 1 “Goodbye” over the phone!
I will be referencing other websites which I have created in order to HELP people. I make no money off of these websites they are created in order to share pertinent information. I have also created a website so that people can create a 501(c)3 Foundation by yourself without incurring $1400-2000 attorney fees.
Back in 2013 I received a phone call from my niece. Her marriage was in a shambles. She and her husband argued all the time. But I loved her husband because he rescued my niece from a Life of drugs and prostitution in Reno, Nevada. I knew that anyone who hooked up with my niece was in for the ride of their lives. Growing up as the story would go my niece’s mother would throw food on the floor and say “supper time”. Her father was Captain in the tank corp division of the Army. He was a great and jovial guy but he to succumb to drugs and committed suicide after a few attempts. I remember he must have shot up somewhere in his ear region as the ear became deformed. His insurance would have covered the cost of reconstruction but he wanted to keep it the same as a reminder of the mistakes he had recently made. So my niece was a mess and every job that she took only lasted at best a week. So I created a website for her and others “Suicide No Guarantee”
As of this writing 10/25/23 my niece and her husband have officially gone their separate ways. This brought back her daily suicide feelings. I always communicate with her in order to bolster her feelings and I even created another website on “How To Find Your Perfect Mate” :
EVERY DAY: 3 Women are murdered by a current or past relationship. A woman is beaten every 15 seconds by a husband or partner in the United States. I created a website on “Domestic Violence” what to look out for especially as it relates to Handwriting Analysis and Personology.
GABBY PETITO:I also did a website on the case of Gabby Petito who was on a fun loving journey when she was expired by her boyfriend Brian Laundries.
PART 2 2 SECONDS AWAY FROM DEATH!
I have faced death numerous times. They say that a cat has nine lives…boy am I getting close to that number. Full stories covered in PART 8
1) Incident at Child Care facility falling off Monkey Bars head first impacting concrete.
2) Falling off bicycle hitting head.
3) Thunder strike while counting cows.
4) Head hitting unpadded roll bar in vehicle struck by another vehicle.
5) Non sleep 24 hours blacking out 10 times along I-80 Oakland, CA – Reno, NV.
So Sunday (04/09/23) at 1 AM someone decides to shoot a round into my bedroom. I had just opened the door to my bedroom when I saw a puff of drywall dissipating from my bedroom wall. I heard a pop and thought maybe my light bulb had burned out on my small touch lamp (but it wasn’t on unless maybe I had bumped into it sometime during the day.) So I didn’t think much of it at the time. Then I noticed what appeared to be stink bug on the wall leading into the closet. Upon further inspection I determined it was a round hole. As I checked in the closet I could see another streak hole in the adjacent wall. Now if I was sitting in my recliner the bullet would have struck me in the head. If I had entered the room 2 seconds earlier I would have gone over to another standing lamp to turn it off. The bullet would have hit me in my kill zone area (heart). So I’m thinking/praying that it was a random occurrence. But this is LIFE CHANGING! I possibly CHEATED death one more time so it’s time to FINISH things I have put on the BACK BURNER
PART 3 The Golden Gate Bridge
The GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE is considered the #1 location for suicides. Since being built there have been over 1300 suicides committed with an average of 20 per year. Recently, a sociologist conducted an interview study of individuals who had attempted suicide from the GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE and survived to talk about their experience. In each instance, those being interviewed acknowledged that at about two-thirds of the way down they realized that all of the situations in life that had caused them to take their own life were fixable except for the fact that they were plummeting toward the ocean below. (It should be noted that during the interviews the sociologist did not reference or question their feelings regarding their plight in midair. Each person who had attempted suicide came forth with that same information on their own with no prompting from the sociologist).
PART 4 SUICIDE as revealed from the OTHER SIDE!
From Sylvia Browns book [THE OTHER SIDE AND BACK – a Psychics Guide to our World and Beyond]
http://www.sylvia.org or at 408-379-7070
…I want to stress one other point…with a few exceptions, SUICIDE is not an option as a potential exit point. Suicide, most of the time, is a broken contract with ourselves, our own blueprints, and with God. That does not mean God condemns suicide victims to an eternal hell. There is no such thing and God would never do that. But as you saw in [The Dark Side] chapter, the long-term consequences for most suicides can last for too many lifetimes to be worth the momentary relief.
From Sylvia’s book: Suicides resulting from hopelessness and despair, I now know, go to the Holding Place. In fact, if you have ever talked to someone who had a near-death experience during a failed despair suicide attempt, they describe finding themselves in a place of OVERWHELMING sadness, not in pitch blackness but more as if they are[away from the light]. They are either surrounded by silence, or they are being mocked and scorned by the other spirits around them, with no compassion to be found anywhere. Yet that also means they still have the option to choose to join the dark entities in the blackness or to go to Gods unconditional love through the right door on the Other Side. Again, our prayers (earthbound you and me) can make all the difference.
Those suicides from despair and other gray entities who choose the Dark Side go directly back into utero (reincarnation) again, just as the dark entities do. Unlike dark entities, though, they will not be dark in their new incarnation. They will be grey (like tittering on a fence half in half off) again, with a new life and new chances to choose the light and overcome the hopelessness that defeated them the last time.
EXCERPT FROM TALKING TO HEAVEN A Mediums Message Of Life After Death by James Van Praagh
As living individuals, we are made up of everything we have ever experienced in past lifetimes. In other words, our present lifetime is a compilation of past thoughts, actions, and deeds, positive or negative, that we have brought with us. Because of past karma, we find ourselves being reborn into certain family situations with a particular economic and social status that is necessary for our spiritual growth.
Before coming into an earthly incarnation, a soul prepares for its new life in the spiritual realms. It is common for a soul to return to a field of work in which it had previous lifetimes of interest or experience. Let us say a soul plans to experience earth life in the year 2021 as a medical professional. It will spend time with its guides and teachers perfecting necessary skills and will look into medical breakthroughs and technologies that will be available at that time. It may also come aware of new diseases or scourges that will affect humankind, and it will learn how to spread knowledge and love to everyone through its potential work on earth. As a soul becomes aware of this knowledge, it is integrated into a new personality. It is vital the soul understands the value of its participation in the future of humankind and how it will affect the lives of many others.
As spiritual beings, we are forever learning, developing, and evolving. We look at our future incarnation as sort of a blueprint of what we are attempting to accomplish and learn as we walk in the physical body. Therefore we pick out opportunities and experiences on the earth that are optimum for our spiritual growth and awareness. Our karma is intertwined with the timing of our next incarnation and our experience in it.
Ultimately, we all are here to learn LOVE. It may sound simple, but by and large, it is not easy. Love has many aspects. One of the first lessons we are attempting to learn is a LOVE of self. Without love and awareness of self, we will not know how to love others. Once we have mastered such unconditional LOVE of self and others, we become enlightened and have respect for the natural law of cause and effect not because we want a better position in life but rather because we know it is the only way. By understanding this law, and by living it, we come to respect each others uniqueness. Then we can live in accordance with our fellow human beings for the betterment of all.
THE INCLINATION TOWARD SUICIDE
This earth is a place to experience elements and aspects of human condition we cannot experience anywhere else. It is a place of growth, and growth is never easy. Most people alive today are constantly challenged with worries of survival. We are bombarded by financial, employment, emotional, or health concerns. Many times these worries are associated with feelings of self destruction. We think, [I cannot get through this or i would be better off dead.]
It is quite common for most people to feel suicidal at least once in their lives. However, this feeling comes and goes as situations change. The type of personality who is obsessed with the idea of self destruction and makes several attempts to end his or her life usually belongs to one of the following categories.
1). A person with a controlling personality, and who feels out of control with his situation.
2). A person who has a very negative self image. Who see themselves as worthless because they feel they contribute nothing to society. They think that the planet would be a better place without them.
3). Those who are terminally ill and do not want to go through the pain and suffering of dying.
4). Those who are mentally ill or have a biochemical imbalance.
It is understandable that because of certain feelings, circumstances, and beliefs, one could find a perfect rationale for doing away with ones life. However, from a spiritual point of view, it is not right. We each have a destiny to which we are born. Our karmic destiny may only last for one month, or thirty five years, or eighty years. Before we return to this earth, we fill ourselves with a strong desire for birth and physical experience, and we enter this world with a timing mechanism built into our psychic web. When life is cut short, our physical body ceases to exist, but we must understand that the [magnetic ties] we have to the earth are still active. These ties are severed only when we have completed our preordained time on the physical plane. For it is written, [Every season has its time.]
WHEN A PERSON KILLS HIMSELF, one of the first things he realizes is that he is not dead. He has an overwhelming feeling of being heavy because the earth ties are still a part of his nature. In a way, we can say the soul is not totally free. The mortal personality dies, but not the immortal soul. The soul remains stuck between the physical world and the spiritual world alive but unable to communicate with loved ones or anyone else. The soul feels guilt, pain, and anguish for a life cut short. They learn of their destiny and how beneficial and meaningful their life would have been if they had stayed alive [remember movie ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE]. In the spiritual state, they become aware of why they had to go through the particular experiences that drove them to suicide. They also sense the grief and anger of those they left behind. The most unfortunate circumstance is that they find themselves in a limbo state. They are not able to go to the heaven worlds, nor are they able to return to the physical world. They are STUCK in a [NO MANS LAND] with the constant memory of their horrific act. They see their deaths over and over again. The suicide act becomes an endless loop, and it can be pretty gruesome. Eventually the time comes when they realize that they are actually dead to the physical plane.
THE SPIRITUAL VIEW OF SUICIDE
Behind any act there is a powerful force known as motive. It is the motive that is the determining factor, not only for suicide but for every action in our lives. Through motive comes action, and we create actions based on motives. As I have stated many times, there is a natural law of cause and effect. In other words, action is a direct result of motive.
In the case of the terminally ill or elderly persons, some are sick and want to save their families, time, money, and heartache by committing suicide. These persons are unaware of the spiritual side of their actions. Perhaps before coming into the physical plane, family members set up certain conditions and situations in order to work out their group karma. Or they needed to experience being of service to the one who is ill. Furthermore, some argue that assisted suicide is best it stops suffering and gives death some dignity. But who can play God? How do we know that a soul did not choose to go through the experience of a fatal illness in order to burn away karma? If we cut short someones natural time on earth we never know whether something valuable could have been learned or whether such an experience was necessary to reach a new spiritual plateau.
In any event, when suicide occurs a soul will have to go through and learn the experience AGAIN, having to return in another lifetime with the same or similar ailment. The ailment may not be as extreme as it was in a previous life because part of it has already been lived out. Usually, a soul has to exhaust a disease so it can never be affected by it again.
THERE ARE TWO EXCEPTIONS TO WRONGDOING OF SUICIDE:
1). If suicide is brought about by individuals who are mentally ill or have a biochemical imbalance. In such situations, these persons are not completely conscious of their decisions. When they pass over, they find themselves in sort of a [ward] where they are helped to heal their mental conditions and their soul nature is restored to its proper state.
2). The second exception to suicide is a soul who comes back to the physical world before its proper time and is not mature enough to handle the lessons it thought it could. Even though a soul thinks it has certain strength, it arrives on earth and does not feel comfortable. Those with this short coming have often said prior to their death words to the effect: [I do not fit in, or I do not think it is the right time for me.]
Because it is the nature of the soul to grow and learn, we always bring into our lives specific situations to overcome or balance out. If we realize that while on earth it is normal to experience physical, mental, or emotional pain, and suicide [does not] take away any of it, I believe there would be FEWER SUICIDES. We need to educate ourselves, and especially our young people, about the [wrongs] of suicide and accentuate the responsibility of living life fully.
EXCERPT FROM [THE UNQUIET DEAD]:
What Happens To People Who Commit Suicide?
From the work I have done, I find that some remain in the physical world as discarnates, CARRYING ALL THE HEAVY FEELINGS THEY EXPERIENCED MOMENTS BEFORE THEIR DEATHS. As long as they are earthbound, they feel exactly as they did prior to suicide.
Others who kill themselves go directly into the Light and the spirit world. The moment they float up from their lifeless bodies, they feel free and relieved of their depression, anguish or anger.
Those who go into the Light immediately and those who remain in the physical world ULTIMATELY have to face the same test situation: the choice of killing themselves or not. Like an exam, they either fail it again in another life, or pass it by not destroying themselves. There is no punishment, only education and other chances for spiritual growth.
If One Has Trouble [SEEING] the White Light when using the White Light technique for protection, is this preventing it from being effective?
NO, many of my patients do not [SEE] the White Light when they are strengthening there auras. Just imagining it is there or KNOWING it is there is enough.
EXCERPT FROM [EMBRACED BY THE LIGHT]: Please NOTE according to the author reincarnation does not exist hence, her near-death experience taught her that we only experience life once (make the best of it).
We must never consider suicide. This act will only cause us to lose opportunities for further development while here on earth. And AFTERWARDS, in reflecting back on these lost opportunities we would feel much pain and sorrow. It is important to remember, though, that God is the judge of each soul and the severity of each souls trials. Seek hope, in at least one positive act, and you may begin to see a glimmer of light that you have missed before. Despair is NEVER JUSTIFIED, BECAUSE IT IS NEVER NEEDED. We are here to learn, to experiment, to make mistakes. We do not need to judge ourselves harshly (note: we are our worst enemies because we criticize ourselves to such extremes and sometimes set our expectations to high); we just need to take life one step at a time, not worrying about other peoples judgment of us, nor measuring ourselves and be grateful for the things that help us grow. Our most severe challenges will one day reveal themselves to be our greatest teachers
Because I knew that all creation begins with thoughts, I also knew that the creation of sin, and of guilt, and of DESPAIR, and of HOPE, and of love all start within us. All HEALING comes from within. We can create our own spiral of despair, or we can create a trampoline of happiness and attainment. Our thoughts have TREMENDOUS power.
We are like babies crawling around, trying to learn how to use the forces within us. They are powerful forces and are governed by laws that will protect us from ourselves. But as we grow and seek the POSITIVE all around us, even the laws themselves will be REVEALED. We will be given all that we are prepared to receive.
EXCERPTS FROM [THE SPIRIT BOOK]
What are in general the effects of SUICIDE on the state of the spirit by whom it has been committed?
[The consequences of suicide vary in different cases, because the penalties it entails are always proportioned to the circumstances which, in each case, have led to its commission. The one PUNISHMENT which NONE can ESCAPE who have committed suicide is DISAPPOINTMENT; the rest of their punishment depends on circumstances. Some of those who have killed themselves expiate their fault at once; others do so in a new earthly life HARDER TO BEAR than the one whose course they have interrupted.]
In some cases the result of suicide is a sort of connection with terrestrial matter, from which they vainly endeavor to FREE themselves, that they may rise to HAPPIER WORLDS, access to which is DENIED them; in other cases it is the REGRET for having done something USELESS , and from which they have only reaped DISAPPOINTMENT.
PART 5 A friend committed suicide … I invite him to my room…and he came!
One afternoon a friend of mine took his own life. We were away from home and were staying at a motel. He was president of a young person’s organization. And, this was to be his first board meeting. There were about 50 people in attendance this weekend. There was to be an awards banquet that evening. Everything was canceled after this occurrence. I knew that my friend would be alone and would need somewhere to go, so I invited his spirit to come to my room as a safe haven. I inadvertently forgot to mention this special invitation to my wife. She is very psychic but doesn’t pursue this gift. Anyway that evening as I was fast asleep my friend paid us a visit. Ginger would recount this to me in the morning. She said that my friend had indeed visited us that evening. He was very upset at what he had done and the fact that his family would have to live with his ill fated decision. He paced back and forth in a fit of rage at his stupidity and the fact that he was powerless to change things back. Ginger finally had enough and asked my friend to leave and go towards the light. His spirit did leave the room and I was told by another female friend that he had also visited her that evening. Everyone thinks of suicide at least one time in their life, but it takes perseverance to stick life out till it is truly time to depart. This incidence brings home the fact to me that taking ones life is not the answer.
Update: I had not seen my friend’s family in the past 5 years since this incident occurred. To my surprise, I was reunited with the family when my friend’s eldest daughter, all of 17, was admitted to the teen drug/alcohol rehab center where I worked. She attributes a lot of her problems to her father’s suicide.
TRUE STORY: One of my dearest friend’s whom I met through work related their story to me. They were attending college and had fallen in LOVE with someone they had thought was a remarkable person (I use third person so as to not give away their identity). But this person was soon into drugs and had passed along their passion for this vice to my friend. When the relationship ended my friend was handed a gun and a single bullet and informed that they wouldn’t be missed. My friend didn’t take that person’s advice but maintained their drug habit and went, as far as, to do prostitution to support their fix. When the cops came upon my friend, who was laying motionless in an alley, they thought they had rolled up on a corpse. My friend received drug counseling and has been sober for over 20+ years. When they went back to the counseling facility to re-unite with their counselor, the counselor opened up a cabinet door and on it was a photo of my friend that was taken when the cops came upon my friend’s lifeless body in the alley. Their counselor informed my friend that whenever they had a new client assigned to them they would show that new client the photo and state “If you don’t do something about your condition, you could easily wind up like that!” I am very fortunate to have this special friend in my life!
FINAL WORDS FROM ME: When I said there were NO GUARANTEES this is what I meant. No one gave a definitive time period as to how long you would stay in limbo before being re-initiated into another life here on earth (granted there are those who don’t believe in reincarnation…I like to believe that what influences us can become a reality if only as it pertains to us). One thing is clear however, more than likely you will be miserable as you reflect upon your ultimate decision. I have read that in some cases the time span is short, sometimes you may have to remain until the date when your life would have naturally lived out its existence here on Earth. And in some instances it can take longer than that (remember time does not exist in the COSMOS/UNIVERSE).
WORSE YET is the thought of having to be reborn and re-educated in the school system. YUCK!!! And then there is the possibility that the CIRCUMSTANCES will be HARSHER next time around. UGH!!!
PART 6 LIFE’S BLUEPRINT: The Drunken Man From “Embraced By The Light” By Betty Eadie
WE ALL HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE. SOMETIMES IT IS TO EFFECT OTHERS IN SOME SPECIAL WAY. A YOUNG GIRL WHO HAD JUST RECIEVED HER DRIVERS LICENSE WAS KILLED IN A FATAL CRASH INVOLVING A DRUNK INDIVIDUAL. HER PURPOSE IN LIFE MAY HAVE ONLY BEEN TO ACT AS AN SCRAFICE IN ORDER TO REVEAL THE DRUNEN INDIVIDUAL. IF SHE HAD NOT THEN PURHAPS THIS DUI INDIVIDUAL MAY HAVE CRASHED INTO A BUS LOADED WITH CHILDREN CAUSING FATALITIES! A FEW YEARS AFTER HEARING THIS STORY A DUI DRIVER IN A TRUCK DID CRASH INTO A SCHOOL BUS FULL OF CHILDREN. LUCKILY, ONLY A FEW CHILDREN WERE HURT BY THE ORDEAL. SO IT CAN HAPPEN!
Coming to earth is much like selecting a college and choosing a course of study. We are all at various levels of spiritual development, and we have come here in the stations that best suit our spiritual needs. The minute we judge others for their faults or shortcomings, we are displaying a similar shortcoming in ourselves. We don’t have the knowledge to judge people accurately here.
As if to illustrate this principle for me, the heavens were scrolled back, and I saw the earth again. This time my vision focused on a street corner in a large city. There, I saw a man lying in a drunken stupor on the sidewalk near a building. One of my guides said, “What do you see?”
“Why, a drunken bum lying in his wallow,” I said, not understanding why I had to see this.
My guides became excited. They said, “Now we will show you who he really is.”
His spirit was revealed to me, and I saw a magnificent man, full of light. Love emanated from his being, and I understood that he was greatly understood that the attorney was naturally compassionate, but seeing the drunk would spark him to do more for those who needed his means. I knew that they would see each other, and the attorney would recognize the spirit within the man-and be moved to do much good. They would never know their covenanted roles here, but their missions would be fulfilled nonetheless. The drunk had sacrificed his time on earth for the benefit of another. His development would continue and other things he might need for progression would be given him later.
I recollected that I, too, had met people who had seemed admired in the heavens. This great being came to earth as a teacher to help a friend that he had spiritually bonded with.
His friend was a prominent attorney who had an office a few blocks away from this corner. Although the drunk now had no recollection of this agreement with his friend, his purpose was to be a reminder to him of the needs of others. I familiar to me. The first time I met them I felt an instant closeness, a recognition, but hadn’t known why. Now I knew that they had been sent to my path for a reason. They had always been special to me.
My escorts spoke again, bringing me out of my thoughts, and said that because I lacked pure knowledge I should never judge another. Those who passed by the drunk on the corner could not see the noble spirit within, and so judged by outward appearances. I had been guilty of this kind of judgment, silently judging others based on their wealth or outward abilities. I saw now that I had been unjust, that I had no idea of what their lives were like, or, more importantly, what their spirits were like.
The thought also came to me, “For ye have the poor with you always, and whensoever ye will ye may do them good.” But even as this scripture came to me it bothered me. Why do we have the poor with us? Why couldn’t the Lord provide everything? Why couldn’t he just prompt the attorney to share his money with others? The guides broke into my thoughts again and said, “There are angels that walk among you, that you are unaware of.”
I was puzzled. The guides then helped me to understand. We ALL have needs, not just the poor. And all of us have made commitments in the spirit world to help each other. But we are slow to keep our covenants made so long ago. So the Lord sends angels to prompt us, to help us to be true to these obligations. He won’t force us, but he can prompt us. We don’t know who these beings are-they appear like anybody else-but they are with us more often than we know.
I didn’t feel rebuked, but I knew I had clearly misunderstood-and underestimated-the Lord’s help for us here. He will give us all the help he can without interfering in our personal agency and free will. We must be willing to help each other. We must be willing to see that the poor are as worthy of our esteem as the rich. We must be willing to accept ALL others, even those different from us. All are worthy of our love and kindness. We have no right to be intolerant or angry or “fed up.” We have no right to look down at others or condemn then in our hearts. The only thing we can take with us from this life is the good that we have done to others. I saw that all of our good deeds and kind words will come back to bless us a hundred fold after this life. Our strength will be found in our charity.
My escorts and I were silent a moment. The drunk was gone from my sight. My soul was filled with understanding and love. Oh, that I could help others as that drunk will help his friend. Oh, that I could be a blessing to others in my life. My soul reverberated with the final fact: Our strength will be found in our charity
PART 7 ATHIEST MEETS GOD AND IS THANKED FOR HIS SERVICE!
No one knows what God wills for each of his children. No one can judge character or intent but him.
If we could glimpse the mind of God, the truth about some people’s missions would absolutely amaze us. For years the renowned professor and scientist, Charles Camp, debated religious leaders on the radio. He also traveled nationwide advocating the facts of science as opposed to the concepts of Creationism. Over the years he lost faith in God and became known as an outspoken and articulate atheist. Then, as he lay dying in a hospital. all that changed. He discovered the beauty and intricacy of God’s plan for him. He was astounded that despite his atheism-God had been using him all along for His loving purposes. Here Charles Camp s widow. Joanna Camp. / shares the story:
Dear Mrs. Eadie:
My husband died in 1975. Before his actual death, his doctors pronounced him dead three times. They were astonished to witness his return to life each time with a clear mind and filled with energy, even though he was dying of terminal cancer and old age. At the hospital. the nurses began to call him among themselves “the man who wouldn’t die.” All this is recorded in the hospital records.
During the times that he was dead my husband experienced things, some of which were exactly as you wrote about in your book.
Charles was a professor at the University of California at Berkeley and was written up as the “father eo paleontology”. For years he taught medical students. When the subject of near-death experiences would come up in class Charles would explain that there is no life beyond the grave. that everything ends there. That the body gradually changes to become nourishment for other forms of life. The experience of going through a dark tunnel to see “God” at the end as a bright light was just an illusion. For when the body is undergoing the hard stress of dying. he said. certain chemical reactions are triggered in the brain, and this is nature’s way of providing ease from the stress, nothing more. So imagine his great surprise when he found himself separated from his physical body at the hospital. He told me that he began to analyze everything carefully. taking nothing for granted. But soon he had to admit to himself- that this was certainly not an illusion. He’d never felt more alive! All of his many senses seemed to surface. to come alive in him. he said.
Next he found himself in the dark tunnel. before the bright light and God! God received him with the same unconditional love that you experienced, Mrs. Eddie. He said his entire body vibrated with God’s wonderful love. From head to toe, God’s love flooded him. and once you have experienced God’s love, he said, you’ll want to remain forever by his side, never to be far from his love ever again. He learned that though he had not believed in God on earth. God believed in him! God had loved him tremendously. since the very beginning.
Charles was an atheist on earth, but he was not a person who fought good, nor was he against humanity. He was known for his genuine humility, gentleness of spirit and his great love for people. His goal in life had been to aid humanity in any way possible, to help mankind evolve and get on the right path mentally. He dedicated his life to help remove ugly racial and religious prejudices. For seventeen year Charles was was a spokesman for the university and a radio debater. His job was to deal with radical preachers who were constantly challenging the science departments of the nation’s universities, demanding that that they shut down or teach science only according to the Bible –or according to their own interpretations of it.
Charles was well prepared for this. He had studied the Bible for many years in the original languages. He said his aim was to make the church leaders realize how far they had strayed from the true master that they claimed to follow: Jesus Christ. Charles soon gained great fame for this, but because of the dark works found in the Christian churches then. he turned further and further away from the Bible-and he eventual wanted no part of the God that these churches followed.
Then. when he died and stood before God’s bright light in heaven. he learned this had been his major mission on earth-to debate with religious leaders who were taking the world into a dark path. He learned that the only way he could do this was as a scientist! He was reminded that Jesus Christ came to earth to chastise the religious leaders of his time. who were also leading their people in the wrong path.
Who would ever have believed that Berkeley’s famous atheist would be the person to teach me about God! And who would have believed I would look deeply into the eyes of an atheist to see the spirit of Christ in those eyes! Life has never ceased to amaze me.
It may take a lifetime of following our hearts before learning that we’ve been doing what God sent us to do in the first place. Charles Camp reminds me of Saul in the Bible. What passionate men! They knew what they believed, and they taught it with all their hearts. In “The Awakening Heart” I told the story of my brother in-law Tom, who had been an atheist most of his life. I told him of my experience in heaven with God, and he dismissed it outright. Then God redirected his life by giving Tom his own near-death experience. What a gift and a blessing! Tom was instructed to tell everyone he met that God lives both in heaven and in the hearts of all mankind. Today, as he speaks of his knowledge of God, he shares his precious message with passion and love. God can especial]v use people who throw themselves into what they love, Who walk forward confidently committed to a cause. In Revelation 3:15-16. we read: “1 know thy wcrks. that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because you art lukewarm and neither cold nor hot. I will spue thee out of my mouth.”
Following one’s heart with passion. direction. and determination is giving life to life. Could any father ask for more?
On the other side I was told that each person’s life is like a river. The destination is set. but the method of our journeying is up to us. We can cruise down the middle of the river at top speed. or we can hug the shore and spin around in eddies. We can crash over rapids or chart a safer path between obstacles. We can slum along the bottom in the mire and slime of sediment, or we can glide along the sparkling surface where the air is clean. The river is ours from birth to death. How we navigate it is determined by the hundreds of small choices we make each day.
God can especially use people who will throw themselves passionately into what they love, who walk forward confidently committed to a cause.
To discover our mission in life we must see challenges as opportunities for growth and then face them head on. Each challenge measures our strengths and progress. Even when trials cause pain or sorrow, we must look for new lessons in the pain and ask God for the power to learn and to grow from it. Suffering focuses our attention on what matters most, and with God ‘s help. we can strengthen our spirits by learning patience, tolerance and love. These lessons learned. we become co-navigators with God. But when unlearned, we go into the eddies, spinning around. making little progress. even blaming God for our unremitting suffering.
One reader wrote:
Life just seems so hard-so demanding-l can’t keep up. Is this it? Can I not expect any more? Is my- total existence here just to complete a mission? I’m not to have any happiness, just wait for the job to be up so I can “check out?”
PART 8 Near death events further explained.
1) At a daycare when I was 5 years old my brother and I snuck out from the watchful eyes of the staff and went outside to play on the playground (black tar/cement foundation). While atop of the monkey bars I felt a cool breeze/puff of air sweep across my face. I instantly relaxed all muscles and plummeted head first to the ground. I had a concussion. Fortunately, the impact did not kill me or leave me paralyzed for Life.
2) Falling off bicycle hitting head.
When the kids of my neighborhood were bored we’d race our bicycles around a series of streets which were similar to a formulae one race course. Of course we didn’t use helmets and I was using a friends bike which was too big for me. As I rounded a corner I hit a puddle of water and the tires slid out from under me. I hit the pavement hard and received a concussion on the other side of my head. Luckily a doctor was visiting a friend in the neighborhood and came to my aid. I woke up in the hospital.
3) Thunder strike while counting cows.
During summer break from college I took on a job with the E.P.A. counting cows throughout the state of Nevada. It was a great job get paid Per Diem and room and board. So your paycheck went straight into the bank. This one time I was going down this dirt road outside of Hawthorne, NV. There was heavy rain and a thunderstorm nearby. I decided to abort the mission. I went to turn around and my tires spun out in the mud (2 wheel drive pickup). I thought about taking the jack and throwing the back end of the pickup to create a new back up zone. But it was thundering nearby and I didn’t want to take the chance of getting hit by lightening which meant that the truck would be grounded and there would be no protection. So I stayed in side of the pickup while the storm passed over head. At one point I opened the door of the pickup to see how much water had accumulated on the ground. As soon as I closed the door a bolt of lightening struck the hood of the pickup. I decided to go to sleep and wait til morning. The storm had left and when I tried backing up the pickup moved without a problem and I quickly returned to town. My coworker was just about to call the office and report me as missing.
4) Head hitting unpadded roll bar in vehicle struck by another vehicle.
I had just dropped off my girlfriend to pick up some shoes at a repair shop in downtown Reno, NV. When she got out of the jeep I saw a surprised fearful look upon her face. That’s the last thing I remember before being slammed into by another vehicle. I had a seat belt on but I had a roll cage in the jeep but it had no padding. The jeep was thrown 60 feet. I woke up in the hospital. This too could have turned out bad.
5) Non sleep 24 hours blacking out 10 times along I-80 Oakland, CA – Reno, NV.
I usually woke at 4 AM and got ready for work in by 6 AM. It was a Friday and my girlfriend called me to ask me if I could pick her and her daughter up at 3PM and drive them to the San Francisco Airport. She was taking a trip to Escapa, Mexico for a vacation. She still had a lot of stuff to do before we left (get her nails done and hair, pick up money/drugs PCP from someone in San Jose, CA-I thought it was just to get money I had no idea about the drugs.) Anyway it is like 1-2 AM in the morning and her flight left between 6-7 AM. I couldn’t see spending $75 for a motel room for only a few hours of use. Besides I had to get back to Reno, NV as I was teaching a Sunday School class. Needless to say she ran into a friend at the airport who owned a limousine business at the airport. He offered to let her stay at his place and return her to the airport on time in order to catch her flight. So I go across the bay into El Cerrito, CA where my aunt and uncle live. I decide to park at their house but then think what if the police come and they get woken up. So I decide to go to Denny’s and get something to eat and have some coffee. I had limited funds at that point. Any on the drive back to Reno I must have passed out at least 10 times. I never wanted to pull over to the side of the road because I remember one friend Greg LeMond, famous Tour de France winner (cyclist), who did that and was rear ended by a semi-truck. After recovery his racing form was never the same but at least he was alive. Anyway, I remember being awakened atop the mountain ski summit on I-80 and seeing a deer prancing in front of my car. That fright gave me a little adrenalin boost which got me into Reno but halfway home I would go under the I-80/395 N. overpass. It was there that I passed out for the last time. My car had swerved rightward into a sandy area. Now normally one would become startled awake and instinctively pull the steering wheel hard left. In most cases and under certain circumstances such as the one I was in this would have rolled over the vehicle. But something had grabbed hold of my steering wheel and kept it straight. My ANGELS at work. Well, that pumped enough adrenalin in me to go the extra 2 miles home. I can’t remember if I had shed my clothes or not but I hit the bed and slept for a solid 20 hours. The next morning I got up and went to give my Sunday School lesson. The topic was on the Life and impact of Jesus Christ. I don’t know if I was saved because some teenager in that class needed to hear my lesson or perhaps so that I could share with you all today.
I just want to die without feeling pain so please just say what the least painful way to die is
The end game of this life is death..why distract yourself to try something new or even live better when the end game is still death i feel like a fool really.wasting my time..no escape..and just hopeful my death be painless in the end so Help me God!!..i hate this life..from the start..
God has let me down! I was actually trying but who I’m I kidding. Fake ass dumb made up world. It over for me and I wish my kids the best.
I’m not a doctor I’m a 66 year old woman that’s so tired of being in pain and not being loved for who I am perhaps being disabled is a big part of it
I just don’t want to be here on earth anymore
sucks cus im still gonna kms
The article explains suicide in doctors isn’t a mental health problem but a job problem. Healthcare professionals in the comments confirm this by saying they feel suicidal because they’re never thanked by patients. However, I’d suggest this is still a mental health problem- after all, imagine the number of people in lesser paid jobs who never get thanked, yet they’re not suicidal. They struggle to pay bills or support their family, many people unable to afford a family so end up alone. This is a problem with society as a whole. We need equal pay, and equal opportunities for everyone regardless of age or location. If you lack the IQ to become a doctor, that should not restrict you from earning enough to start a family & pay the bills. Capitalism is the problem here.
Complex issue and certainly there are pre-existing mental health risks among many who enter medicine (often as a trauma response to a childhood wound such as having childhood illness or an ill family member). Also notable is the family/cultural pressure that leads some into a career that can be miserable if it is not one’s own decision to become a physician. See Why Parents Force Kids To Be Doctors
Sure, and besides which, even if a perfectly mentally healthy youngster chooses to go into medicine of his/her own accord (w/out parental pressure to), just learning all the horrible things that can go wrong in our bodies and minds, and how seldom “modern medicine” really knows how to cure anything… and seeing suffering patients all day every day, whom you can’t really help… would that not depress just about anyone to the point of feeling suicidal?
Absolutely. See this: Two doctors (unknowingly) stop each other’s suicides (so many of us have been or are suicidal).
I agree with everything you said. Only one quibble – things were much better in the US, and in the West in general, from the late 1940s through the 1970s or even ’80s… and I’m pretty sure we had “capitalism” then too, right? And socialism can be problematic too, even more so. What’s needed, I think, is a return to the policies we had back then – high taxes on the super-lucky super-rich and their big banks and corporations, strong unions, higher wages, greater job security, much more generous Social Security and disability benefits, a lot more houses to bring housing prices back down, free college education (that was the whole point of state universities and colleges, but now they charge crazy tuition almost like private schools!), universal healthcare – just put pieces of paper with the words Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, France, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Japan, Taiwan, Singapore, Australia in a hat, stir around and pull one out and just copy that healthcare system – ANY one of those, and we’ll be WAY better off.
Tell me an easy way to die painlessly
I got no kids no responsibilities
Fuck counseling and talking that shit do not help
Been almost a year now that I’ve been wanting to die and trying to kill myself
Somebody just free me
Pray to the “good lord” to strike you with lightening. Or maybe curse him for creating such a shitty world for us. “Use his name in vain” (I hear he really hates that…whatever that even means…) Well, it can’t hurt, right? It might also help to go swimming in the rain… or maybe golfing?
The mental health crisis is not due to a lack of mental health accessability. It’s not du3e to a lack of mental health professionals. It’s due to a lack of mental health knowledge. I once saw a psychiatrist who said he didn’t know what to do with me. I called that 988 number (all they did was give a number of local phone numbers) and the person on the other end said “We can’t fix you.” But that’s what health care does–fix people. And in the multiple times I have tried to get help, the mental help professional seemed to expect me to know what was going on with me and know how to fix it. That’s why I don’t seek help any more and am contemplating suicide more–they don’t have the knowledge needed to get me the help I need.
Yeah, I figured out the same thing – they don’t really have the knowledge yet. Talk therapy CAN be helpful if you find the right person (but maybe not a cure, at least in my case it wasn’t), but the two antidepressants I took (from two different classes of antidepressant) were both a disaster. As for suicide, if you can avoid it, do so, because we’re gonna die sooner or later anyway, so why rush it? You never know how things might change for you – life is full of surprises. A year from now you will probably feel different. Maybe very different.
Okay, so here’s a question: what’s the most polite way to die? I’m thinking doing it at the morgue to save everyone the hassle of carting my fat ass around, but duh: I’d still need to be pronounced dead at the hospital. Okay, fine. But how? I don’t want it to be messy. Then my wife and kids would have to sell the car because of all the blood. Ditto for doing something at home. That’s just being lazy.
Don’t talk about your fat ass that way – that’s not nice! I kid, but I’ve had the same thoughts… I’ve heard about helium and also carbon monoxide, but then they said similar things about nitrogen, but just recently the (NOT) great state of Alabamy just executed a murderer using nitrogen, and eyewitness accounts say that he struggled and grunted in agony for up to 10 minutes… so I don’t know what the hell to believe! What method did Dr. Kevorkian use before they crucified him? (He should be sainted!) Maybe he had the answer?
Hi.
Patrick here. From France. I wanna die. Divorce. failed attempts of suicide made authorities take my kids away from me. I miss them so much
Pain is too strong. Help me …
I wish I knew what to tell you… I feel your pain, but I don’t know the answer. My instinct is to tell you to stay alive for your kids’ sake – your killing yourself will hurt them, and you don’t want to do that, right? As painful as your life is, try to find some joy somewhere to keep you alive and set an example for your kids of survival, not despair and suicide? Write your kids, call them, text them, whatever – keep in touch with them, let them know how much you love them and miss them and regret the way things turned out…
I have written my last message and are looking for painless ways to die, buti have enjoyed reading this article
Nobody in the help profession gives a shit. They act like they do but they don’t. They don’t understand because they’ve never been personally in your shoes. Imo those help phone numbers have the wrong people working there who have university or college degrees when they should be hiring people who have been in your shoes and actually bounced back and really do care. Most of you are relating to each other. Some are venting, some want to be heard and some really do want to end it and others don’t. You are helping each other by sharing your feelings and thoughts whether you think you are or not.
Just had enough and would like to go quietly I am 73 and have had a good life
First of all with with these comments dude prove the bullshit in your life wrong don’t die that means they win push through god never said life was gonna be easy you can do this but God will take you back if you give up self and live for him
Masturbating yourselves over simple free choices that our perverted governments make impossible.
Bunch of losers and pigs
Life could be beautiful if we weren’t prisoners and SLAVES to the perverts.
RAPISTS!
Inhalation of inert gases. No pain, just drift off and never wake up.
this site is only good for the comments. I’m so done. my partner (if you ever see this, know that I love you) is at military school and we can’t communicate. yeah, I’m sixteen and have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I’ve been hospitalized three times in two years. suicidal since I was eleven. I can’t remember much of my childhood.
there really is no point. 988 does absolutely nothing. they can’t do anything but talk to you. I’ve called at least five times just to only reach a person once. ONCE. never a call back or anything. my therapist refuses to use my name or correct pronouns. I can’t go on. my parents are brainwashed by society and yell at me almost every day. whenever I try to open up and say that I’m not safe, that I WILL try to kms, they get angry and blame me for all kinds of things. but CPS says that they’re not abusive. bullshit.
and you know the worst part? I promised my partner that I would be safe and stay alive until they get home. I promised. and I can’t even do that much. I’m so pathetic and useless. they have said that I’m the only reason that they are alive to this day. I promised I wouldn’t self-harm anymore. and I haven’t. it’s been over a month since I last cut.
I keep trying to hold strong but even my faith in God is dwindling. I just can’t anymore. can’t wait for the day that I take my last breath.
I am done with this hell of a life .
Is there a euthanasia physician in my are , Ohio , that will help me end my life safely and comfortably ??
Why can’t we just get suicide pills. I mean they trying to kill us all off anyway. That was pretty obvious from the pandemic. Now I have sit and figure out how to kill myself without creating a bigger cockup than when I started.
Helium sounds good. Any thoughts?
I have exactly the same thoughts and questions!
One possible answer is they know very well just how miserable they’ve made the vast majority of us and fear just how many of us would check out if it were that easy. Sure, they want the old, the sick, the “unproductive”, the ones drawing on disability, social security, medicare, etc. to die off, but not their taxpaying wage slaves, their soldiers, their cops or the young people they’re setting up for a life of exploitation… but these people are overwhelmingly depressed too…
One other thought I have is… might it be worth moving to a country with a very low suicide rate? But I suspect it’s not that simple… you would have had to be raised in that culture, with better, closer family dynamics, better friendships, gentler climate, more sunshine, healthier food, probably less toxic media, better distribution of wealth (no billionaires, no homeless), maybe better versions of religion (positive, loving, rather than judgemental, hateful, etc.) I rejected religion at the age of 13, but sometimes I wonder if we haven’t all been cheated out of something that evolved in every human culture to help us live happily or at least tolerably in a world full of suffering and where we all know we will die… maybe genuine belief in an afterlife, and the idea that this life is not meaningless, but determines the quality of our afterlife (because we never really die)… maybe these beliefs are what we are all missing now and what could’ve made a difference in our quality of life?
Such BS. If a medical professional is having suicidal thoughts, then they are mentally unstable & shouldn’t be trusted to treat anyone. How come medical professionals can have thoughts of suicide, but you would call that work stress. When anyone else would be labelled as mentally ill. What gives you the right to say that medical professionals deal with pain so unbearable (not physical pain, but Emotional pain.lol)
More so than any physical pain & that is unfathomable to imagine.
I’m sorry but doctors get payed according to their stressful environment unlike tradesman who work in conditions that most doctors could not hack on their best days. Really id love to see a doctor working 12-14 hour days in Australian summer with no lunch breaks , sometimes no water or toilets & verbal, physical & mental stress that most trades deal with. If you where screamed at by a boss or co-workers it would be stopped pretty quick as im sure youd write a formal complaint… well if you try stick up for yourself out in the real world you’d either be getting fired or ending up in a fist fight…. there all like that & it’s just ingrained into us that a bit of abuse is standard practice…Doctors are terrible these days as they dont care about their patients & only care about themselves … the oath you took is no where to be seen in the medical industry. Last time I needed doctors was during covid but they used that as a lovely excuse to neglect and do a shitty job in general…I was waking from a coma & would have died if I’d waited for a nurse. I was drowning in my own blood somehow that was forcing its way to my lungs coz of the stupid breathing tube …a nurse didn’t come in untill I’d finished pulling out the catheter. I refused surgery for a cranial operation and a stint when they said I had a high chance of dying and that was enough for them to treat me as unstable because I asked what would happen if I didnt have surgery, they replied you could die. I replied “I don’t care, at least I can stop worrying about all the BS that i cop trying to do the right thing. Like the crushing debt, severe depression & abuse from my brother. (My brother hit me over the bead with a skateboard) that time but all started because i lost my liscense thanks to poor police work or general common sense . My brother had been using my name whilst doing crimes . I was able prove it wasnt me but still the police/courts put the charges on me . He was caught and charged 3 months after I was wrongfully charged. Anyway I was injured at work a year after when covid first started in 2019. Due to human rights laws going out the window I was fired 2 weeks before Xmas, after 12 weeks being off work, due to 2 torn tendons in my hand. Anyway so my hand finally healed & then I had my head caved in and I’m almost killed by my brother. I wanted to just go home and die my way if thst was the case but they would only let me go after tackling me to the ground & causing the bleeding on my brain to go from 9mm to 10mm… so felt like the bloody hospital was just as dangerous as my brother but at least I had panadol at home… also asking for pain medication with a fractured skull is not a patient just trying to get high as you mentioned patients leaving scathing reviews for that reason. Funny how the nurses and medical professionals are the highest in drug users.
But when someone is in physical pain you treat them like a junkie… sorry that physical pain doesn’t compare to your oh so painful emotional pain. More so than any physical pain imaginable. Haha . Are you really a doctor or one of the “functioning professionals” .
That’s another thing to prove my point..why is a nurse or police officer who uses illegal stimulants not labelled a drug user. Try a day concreting or driving trucks for 2-3 days straight and then be so arrogant.
It makes a bit more sense at why most professionals are doing poor quality work and seem so incompetent these days.
If most people think like you then I’d say the world’s hot rock bottom.
Please, jump off the rooftops. The world doesn’t care. Look at all the dr death type shows coming out now . That’s probably always been how you’s operate.You still do shock therapy & i think you should all lose your liscenses. You at least deserve e it. You refuse to take your original oaths seriously & don’t know why they even do oaths anymore when so many people are only interested in their immediate interests.
A doctor who is burnt out is an oath breaker essentially. They refuse to take anyone seriously. Ai doctors would genuinely be way better than all the doctors who didn’t know that it would be so hard & stressful. Poor babies . Just write yourself another script like im sure they do . That or they just get f’d up on all the sample drugs there given.
Also if a doctor prescribes something like lyrica for carpal tunnel, don’t keep your patient on it for 3+ years. That shit messed me up physically and I was the one who asked if I could stop. I quit in 1 month instead of 12 that my doc wanted . Years later I tryed getting some forgone tempory pain relief only to be treated like a junkie. They said I had a history of addiction to it which I said, yeah ,because that’s what my doctor told me to do but I was the one who asked to get off them . They shrug and act like it’s not their problem…. doctors can’t give e someone something & then look down at them for following their advice . But your whole medical system is flawed & you know it but still complain about being upset… do that in private . Not where real people can see yous grumbling about some emotional stress.. please does sunlight trigger massive migraines in you because of ptsd . I don’t know why it gets to me either as I can’t afford a neuropsychiatric test .
But I can see now how nightclubs can set off army vets with ptsd. You seriously think you have more stress going on then some of them guys… it makes me mad that you even compare the two …have you even felt much physical pain? Usually constant physical pain leads to emotional pain as we can put up with pain for short periods fine but when it’s a constant eye watering pain that can make you physically sick (throbbing head,fever,vomiting & seizures even) well im telling you that all comes with some mental exhaustion. Get over yourselves.. you have a whole department there called HR if you’d like to discuss your work shit. Now I know why doctors seem to be Terrible at ther jobs thanks to you .
i cant live like this anymore its sickening to do this everyday, my arms and thighs disgust me to see im gonna do it and whether it works or not i will be happyier and better off
Hello Dr. Wible,
It occurred to me to ask “Which countries have the lowest rate of physician suicide?” I googled it, but nothing…
I might be a good indication of which countries have *better* healthcare systems?
From your experience interviewing so many suicidal doctors from all over the world, do you see any patterns? Are some countries under-represented in relation to their population?
Anybody have any idea about this? The U.S. healthcare system scares the hell out of me!
Interesting question and I would LOVE the answer. As this is a taboo topic there is no accurate data from any country though I can tell you India reports on all these cases in the news bc they have an “abetment to suicide” law. Look it up.
Hmmm… interesting. Maybe we should have a law like that to give the relentless cyberbullies who drive kids to suicide something to worry about? I remember also reading that the Columbine shooters had been victims of bullying (presumably more severe than the usual that everybody encounters at some point)… maybe those bullies should be held liable for driving the shooters to murder/suicide? I don’t know why schools treat bullying like it’s normal and harmless… what percent of bullying victims end up depressed? What percent kill themselves eventually? Where do we draw the line between relatively harmless teasing and more serious bullying?
What if everybody in the world just committed mass suicide one day? It will be the biggest F*CK Y*U to GOD. Gahh!!! I can’t decide between Suicide and deicide. Everything is bullshit and its bad for ya, Everything is so fake, unreal, stupid and retarded. Only real thing is PAIN. If you really think about, God is the most evil and vile thing that ever existed. IT got bored, and here we are, silly made up playthings, suffering in pure vile pain, even when its good it hurts. Existence is a failed experiment. End it already !!!
exactly dude i wish i wasn’t born into this shithole of a place i have so many regrets.
I feel the same way we get put here just to be lied to and people sugar coat everything then when u realise ur grown up and family no longer give a shit it makes you feel like asking why the fuck was I put here cuz the way I feel I’m watching my mum destroy herself over some little rat ass smelly abusive cunt and it’s either Im guna seriously slice his throat open while I stamp on it or I’m guna end my own life I’m sick of being tret like shit fuck this world it’s seen the last of Elliott Middleton I’m done humans ultimately are the fucking problem with this planet anyway think an asteroid needs to hurry up and smash this shitty as rock to bits the police are all corrupt little bastards to my little sister lied and with no proof told pllice my mum neglected her and hit her far from the fucking truth cuz even kids nowadays are evil little cunts to and just because of age oh well they must be telling the truth eyy no matter well they arrested me wheen I’d not even been in Preston an hour I’d got the bus to see my mum as my mum a has been taken for a dicckhead for to long by police by fellas by her own fucking horrible twat daughters and I’m the only 1 left trying to keep it together but I’m failing my mums drinking everyday throwing up so why the fuck would I wanna wake up 1 more day!!!!!! The world’s corrupt anyone who is a higher power than you job wise think they own you and bully you until you can’t cope no more housing are bully twats aswell they all need stabbing clean up thretening a vounrable woman to make her homeless when she has an eating disorder all cuz they want there stupid bastard rent arrears witch if they did there jobs and repaired peoples homes and stopped taking the piss maybe people would pay there rent especially when there struggling to feed themselves and to keep warm wtf are people even paying for yeah were paying so some other cunt from another country can come and steal it all away fuck this world this is the reality of it not racist just fucking realistic you think me n my mum would get housing in India or Poland no we’d be fucking laughed at and told to work so why the fuck should England be any different when in actual most ppl on the streets sad as it is are british but no clearly british don’t give a fuck about there own ppl it’s how to make themselves look appealing to rest of the fucking world when really our country has our own issues big ones you don’t see us lot running to other countries and bleeding em dry but no that’s what we have to put up with and I don’t give a fuck who disagrees I know what I’ve been through and seen all my life and this country is fucked if your from it no help no fuck all
Hi, I’m 14. I just came out of my suicidal period, and the only reason why was because of my family. But I have Bipolar so, I’m scared I wil become suicidal again.I don’t know what to do and I’m terrified.
Please keep open lines of communication open with your family. A support system is so helpful. Even knowing that ONE person truly cares and is willing to speak with you 24/7 is protective. Please see the power of a few kind words here: Love letters prevent suicides (even from a stranger) 💕
Do you have someone in your family you can confide in 24/7?
Yeah, I do, but I still HATE the feeling of becomeing suiicidal. No matter if someone is there to help me or not.
I do, but I’m still scared as shit, I DON’T want to become suicidal again. I need help to prevent it, but I prevent a disorder I don’t think.
At least you have family to talk to.. Try being so alone all you wish for each day is to be struck down by something horrible just so your own family and so called mates even look twice at you all I see is people saying they wish they could die yet they have family to talk to and friends what do I have an alcahol mother who is to busy killing her self each day and I have to watch until 1 day I find her dead in bed then I truly will kill myself in public and every twat thats ever hurt me or my mum will know that day they should all be fucking disgusted in themselves to even dare to come outside! Plus when you realise even people like doctors police mental health none of them give a shit as long as there being paid at the end of the day and it’s wrong this world needs a world war 3 maybe so people realise how fucking ignorent they all are to busy with social media and things that don’t even matter in the slightest well good luck to this planet it’s guna need it big time
Yeah, I agree. Also, I may have family and friends, but that doesn’t cancel the pain I’m still feeling, and the shit I’m going through.
Librarian here, 15 years, may as well be a social worker.
Really don’t want to be here anymore. But I’m also a chicken and can’t do anything about it.
Thinking of starting up a heroin habit. Maybe that will do the trick.
Michelle – Before messing w/ heroin, watch the movie Christiane F (can watch free at “effedupmovies.com” even though it’s a GREAT movie)
Hello Dr. Wible (and anyone else),
I don’t know why I didn’t ask this question when I first found this site, because I found this site by searching for the answer to this question, but here it is:
Are the drugs/chemicals used for assisted suicide the same as the ones used to put people’s pets to sleep (to euthanize them)?
Are they the same as the drugs/chemicals used to execute people convicted of horrible crimes?
Do we really know if these drugs create a peaceful, painless death, or not?
Has anyone studied this? Have they done fMRI studies of people or animals as they are dying of these drugs to see which areas of their brains light up? The areas for calm, peace, happiness, pleasure? Or the areas for panic, terror, and pain?
Because from every account I’ve read of lethal injection executions, it’s clear that those drugs torture people to death.
I know one of the drugs in the “cocktail” is to paralyze the muscles, so your eyes close and you can’t move or speak… so maybe it looks like the animal or person is calm and dying a peaceful death, but what if they’re actually feeling horrific pain and terror and panic and are unable to open their eyes or scream or move? Can you imagine anything worse?
Some botched lethal injections were terminated and the prisoner survived to tell that his whole body felt like it was on fire and he couldn’t do anything about it, etc…
Do we know? Does anyone know if assisted suicide drugs actually provide for a calm, peaceful, painless way out? Or not?
Interesting question & sorry took me a while to respond as I was out of town. I actually worked on death row as a medical student which was wild. Here is a little stand-up comedy on that weird experience: Death Row Health Care (my first time doing stand up so please go easy on me). Okay to answer your question:
1) Execution cocktails vary by state and sometimes can be botched for a variety of reasons. Most docs do not work in these execution chambers and let’s just say the folks that get these jobs may be more of the bottom-of-the-barrel folks who could not succeed in private practice or hospital jobs (may have had medical malpractice cases and not as skilled) PLUS many folks on death row may have had drug issues and their veins are not in great shape so you have some IV insertion issues that are unique to that setting (scarred up from drug use and lesser skilled health professionals trying to start the IVs). Cocktail contents vary by state and you can research that online by state. SO depending in meds, skill level of the admin, and the health of the inmate could be more or less peaceful. PLUS in Texas at least you have a bunch of people watching including your family and the family of the victims from your crimes. Weird scene overall.
2) Veterinary medicine. I just had my cat euthanized at home and the vet first administered some kind of sedative that caused my cat to run around and kind of freak out a bit until she finally settled down and eventually stopped breathing in a few minutes. It was a bit disconcerting. If the animal is in pain it seems like it is very transient. I really don’t know what it is like (having never been a euthanized cat). Gosh I really hope they do not suffer. What freaks me out is all the animals that suffer in slaughterhouses. Ugh that really disturbs me.
3) Physician-Assisted Suicide (Medical Aid in Dying). That seems very peaceful. High dose barbituates are used. I have posted about this in the comment thread here.
Hello Dr. Wible,
Thanks for the reply – no worries, as I haven’t checked back here until now. Bravo to your standup act – you should do more of that! Such an interesting background. My dad was a doctor (but never suicidal). He was an OB/GYN and loved his work, and loved life, pretty much, but suffered through 2 divorces, so… I hear doctors tend to have poor marriages, maybe especially OB/GYNs? I don’t know. I was supposed to follow in his footsteps, but even back then (40 years ago) I’d heard that doctors have some of the highest suicide rates, and I thought “yeah, I’m already kinda suicidal, so I better not go that route”. Not even the thought of seeing naked women every day could entice me into the profession!
I know you tried to answer my question, but I’m still wondering if the drugs/chemicals for these 3 different cases are largely the same, or entirely different? I guess my thought is “if the death caused by the poison chemical is painless or pleasant, then why would they need to give another chemical to paralyze you first?”
I really don’t know why they can’t come up with one pill which would make you feel ecstatic for a little while, and then very sleepy, and quickly put you into a sleep you never wake up from (painless death in your sleep). Isn’t that what we’d all like access to? Is that really too much to ask?
I was disappointed to see that another comment I left on April 12 in reply to Michelle (above) is nowhere to be seen. Was it censored? If so, may I know why? I thought I was providing a compassionate, helpful reply… I’m thinking maybe it was a glitch, but it sucks because I didn’t save that reply, so I don’t think I can reproduce it again.
Apparently, we’ve been lied to for a LONG time about the “danger” of sun tanning, and the safety of suntan lotions! Not only do we need sun to prevent or alleviate depression and have a strong immune system, but it also LOWERS risk of the dangerous form of skin cancer!
My dad was very conservative in his medical practice – he wasn’t money-driven, but compassion-driven. Medicine and surgery were last resorts, and he was always encouraging his patients to quit smoking, get exercise, etc. He also had his own practice, with nobody telling him what to do or how to practice; I’m sure that’s why he enjoyed his work so much.
I share your sentiment about the horrors of our meat industry… I don’t know why we can’t all pay a little bit more so that animals can live happy, healthy lives and have a humane death. This would be so much better for the workers in that industry too.
I used to be semi-vegetarian (no red meat), mostly because we were told it helped to prevent cancer and heart disease, but now I think that was another big lie… apparently what causes all our disease (and weight gain, and cavities, and inflammation, and probably depression and dementia too) is sugars and grains, not meat or (good) fats, which apparently includes dairy and fat from 100% grass-fed, organic animals…
But wow, I don’t know how anybody can quit desserts! Truly addictive – the elephant in the room that nobody is talking about, because none of us want to even think about giving up delicious desserts (or even bread, for that matter). I guess this is exactly how alcohol, tobacco and drug addicts feel.
What’s the solution?
You are asking a LOT of great questions!! Gonna take me some time to respond. I may email you.
Oh, cool! Looking forward to it – please take your time.
I checked back here just now because for some reason I just remembered that Louis C.K. did an absolutely hilarious several-minute sidebar on suicide in one of his stand up acts (on Netflix? Hulu? I forget) The show was “Louis C.K. 2017″… But all of his stuff is insanely funny.
Also totally insane is “Tom Green: Live!” (2012 or 2013) Probably best to watch his movie “Freddie Got Fingered” before watching his stand up special, because he references the movie in his stand up… “Stealing Harvard” is pretty funny too, and co-stars Jason Lee… Highly recommend everybody watch these guys!
I really think humor is the key to survival in this crazy world/life.
I really hope you’ll get around to answering soon… You’re also welcome to email me…
In particular, I’m hoping for an answer to the question “Are the drugs/chemicals for these 3 different use cases (execution, animal euthanasia, assisted suicide) are largely the same, or entirely different? I guess my thought is “if the death caused by the poison chemical is painless or pleasant, then why would they need to give another chemical to silence and paralyze you first?”
Well, it finally occurred to me to search “is assisted suicide painless?” and the results confirmed my worst fears: that assisted suicide may in fact deliver a prolonged, torturous death. The worse thing I learned is that nobody seems overly concerned about doing research to know for sure. I welcome any thoughts from any of you. As for me, I’m now hoping to be vaporized in my sleep by an overnight outbreak of WW III. Probably the best any of us can hope for!
(Note: can’t include links in comment section)
I want to end it my family says I’m the issue I’ve been carrying trauma since a kid I ask them to clean because why can’t you cause you’re a man ? So I’m the evil one I’m the one with all the issues every problem in this family is because of me I do know my attitude is not always the best but I try . My work also keeps me oppressed I asked for a raise 2-3 months ago and I got nothing . I have no dating life no friends that I can hang out with I have no life I stay stuck in my room because my family says they don’t even want to be home cause of me !!! My stomach hurts . How do I end this
Severe OCD, severe depression, empty nose syndrome, have tried treatment for 20 years with no success and no future success in sight. Quit my job? Pamela let’s face reality. Without my job I have no insurance, no meds, no money. My job is very stressful. But things are not that simple. I would love to get HELP to get my family on board to give me the strength to die with dignity and accept the reality that things aren’t going to get better.
At what age did you feel that your life started to be too painful? Stated another way, up until what age were things going well in your life?
I personally have felt like dying for years but have never known how to I’ve thought of the possible things I could do: jumping out a window or stabbing myself, being ran over but I’d say the least painful way to die would be a gun shot to the head as it’s an instant death. I myself have thought about doing that but do not have a gun but every other way seems to violent.
Can you share why you feel you want to end your life? I have helped many people choose to live (even when they have ropes and guns and are in the act of trying to kill themselves)
suicide should be legal. Its our bodies and we should have the right to do whatever we want with it. I thonk of suicide almost everyday for the past 5 years and have just been waiting for the right moment which never seems to come
Fuck man this place is sad af sucking my soul really if i had something to frown upon that is this pathetic life i hope a war or disease or famine strucks nd wipes entire human race off this planet
Hiya,
I hoooe you’re well. I’m an international medical student in the UK. Unfortunately, I failed my exam to progress to year 4 due to horrible circumstances. I can’t afford a resit- my medical career is over. My family is incredibly toxic and abusive- I cannot stay back. I have no future left. Suicide is the only way out.
I thought to contact you as a last resort, I’m not sure what you can do but have nothing to lose.
Thank you
I would love to speak with you today. Are you available? Please let me know and I will email you privately. In the meantime please watch this very short video: Wildest Doctor Suicide Survival Story!
Here is the transcript of this video which gives a lot of insight into how a med student or doctor can fall into suicidal thinking (especially when in isolation with the pain of a career-thwarting incident). Please let me know here if you can speak with me today (I will also email you now):
He used to be a plastic surgeon. He used to be rich and famous. He was in San Diego and got turned over to the medical board. He could have killed himself. But you know what he did instead? He decided to make a bucket list of 100 things that he wanted to do before he died.
You are one cool dude!
Hi everyone! I’m here to give a little hope! Not only physicians, but all health personnel. There was nowhere to go to. I couldn’t trust my colleagues. In residency they take 30 people and two make it to the end. People are always spreading rumors and gossip.
Once I “made it” and became a plastic surgeon and started earning the big bucks. After the first four years the lawsuits started to come. Frivolous lawsuits. No support from anybody. Worse than that. My so-called colleagues (that I go to meetings with) were saying bad things about me. “Well I think somebody died in his clinic” NO. “I think he might be doing some inappropriate things.” NO
It was horrible. Just horrible. I had nobody to talk to, go to. I didn’t want to burden my own family with this. So I really wanted to die. Like all of you we work so hard and give up all those parties and fun things to get through and become a doctor and I wanted to be a doctor since I was four years old.
Once I completed my 16 years of training I thought that was it. I’m all set now. I’m here to serve the world and oh my God things that happened . . .
So I wanted to die. They locked me up for 72 hours. Of course, severely depressed at that point. Really wanted to die. Planning all the details.
Then it hit me. I can’t do it. I just cannot do it. It would be a betrayal to my mother who risked her life and raised me as a single mom for years and went through hell. I couldn’t do it. I thought okay what’s the opposite of killing yourself. It’s to have the most incredible life ever lived by a human. I kind of flipped it over.
This is corny, but I got a notebook and I wrote down 100 crazy things that I would really want to do in the perfect world before I die. Proverbial bucket list way before it was cool to do so cause this was almost 30 years ago now that Crazy shit. Like go to space; trek across Antarctica and make a TV show about it; travel to every single country I wanted to go to (162 so far on 7 continents); I became a monk for a year lived in a cave on Myanmar border.
I wanted to give hope to doctors who feel like this is the end. I’ve had it. Not only do I have debt. Not only do I have to deal with insurance. Not only do I have to deal with colleagues I can’t trust. What the fuck good is living like this? I’d rather die. Can you imagine how many are feeling like that right now?
I remember the last time I went to see an internist. He looked so sad. So I said, “You look like you need a hug man.” I hugged him and he started bawling and crying. Oh my God. We’re introverts and we’re good at hiding, put on a professional face. We’re good at that. But it’s not working. So I want to say that if you have to just fucking quit. Don’t worry about it. What a waste of all those years? It’s not.
You can go to the other 190-some countries and be of great service. I’ve gone all over China, India, Bangladesh, helping the Rohingya being genocided. They don’t care about license! American doctor want to help? Oh my God! Please!
Every one of us can be of service wherever you go. I’ve done it in all these countries and Antarctica. Fuck the license and all those fees and CMEs and shit. We have enough training to help make a huge difference. Little villages where there are no doctors. Took me four days to climb to a Himalayan village. Oh my God they went berserk! A doctor came to visit us! Guess what. They have less mortality and morbidity than any other place I’ve been with a bunch of doctors. So much excitement and fun and contribution you can still make.
Money? In America we’re brainwashed. Oh my God if you don’t make six figures, we’re fucked. NO. I was living like a king in Asia for less than $500 per month. Really. Living on the beach. I’m just saying there’s hope. Don’t give up.
What would you tell a doctor who is thinking of killing himself today?
Go ground yourself with nature. Go to a forest. Walk around barefoot. Smell the fresh air and realize we are part of nature. All that stress and bullshit pounding on us is all fake. Number one. Two learn basic meditation, whatever form. Simple breathing. Get down to the basics: What am I? Who am I? What am I doing here? What do I really want out of life? Do I have to do this? Do I want to continue like this? If it happened like this early in my career, is it going to get better? Probably not.
There are options is what I’m saying, You can make things happen. We’re all supposed to have a certain amount of intelligence. FOCUS on the dream. Make it come true—completely!
The world and beyond is your oyster.
You don’t have to have a lot of money. Be nice to have a little bit. This country is not #1. We’re #1 in suicide for doctors; #1 in violence; #1 in the worst health care system in the world; #1 in warmongering. Yes, we’re #1. Oh my God you guys! Go travel and go to the hospitals in Thailand, Spain, and the #1 ranked in the world is Taiwan—#1 ranked health care. Where you’ll feel like you’re in a five-star hotel.
I broke my ankle in Taiwan. $75 later an orthopaedist fixed my ankle in a cast, meds, follow-up appointment. $75 cash. Thank you very much. If it was in France or Spain it would be free.
I just want people who are suffering to know you don’t have to do that. You do not have to keep torturing yourself. thinking you’ve reached the wall, the end. Just say, “Sorry. Fuck it.” I have my knowledge and I’ll use it.
Go west young man, young woman. Just go. Go. Just leave. I just left. I had to do the first thing which was go all 50 states. Once I did that, I just left. Going around the world 12 times so far, planning my 13th right now. You could be of great service wherever you go. All over Africa. God they need you as a volunteer doctor or you can make money overseas. Guess what? The first $130,000 an American makes working overseas is nontaxable. Suddenly you’re gonna be much richer than you ever were in America.
Opportunities abound elsewhere. Don’t let them fuck you over.
Need help? Join our Doctor Suicide Dream Team. Be inspired! Contact Dr. Wible for Zoom link.
I am a 100% disabledv veteran and I have to sell my condo and I am not able to go back to the Philippines as I had been planning for the last 5 years. I have a small comfortable house there, but I have been hit by anxiety and I am not able to return.
You talk only about doctors who wanted to suicide ?
What about the even mass other majority of other people who had fallen so badly and/or being wrong and suffering injustice and extreme grievances and what seems impossible to get justice in a broken system … and/or driven to the edge or dead end and under even more pressure and helpless ness and what happened when one is overwhelmed by the things and events and number of issues that can’t be resolved ?!!!!
Imagine you are forced and compelled to be in 10 or 20 places simultaneously?!!! And how can that possible be? And nobody understand that? And force forcing a helpless person to be in that position and situation again and again … without even able to proof it’s possible at all! That’s overwhelmed!!!
I’ve learned a lot that can apply to everyone and my website is full of free information & support. I’m one person who has been helping docs & med students. There are close to 1 million docs in the US alone and I have my hands full.
My life is meaningless,i have no reason at all to be living,am just tired,i failed my mom and my generation,i am 37 years old still struggling,my business has totally collapsed,all my age mate and friends are married,i can’t even feed my self properly,nothing is working in my life,i hope she forgive me,i have tried everything but nothing is working, nobody cares, no hope, all my life am alone, am just tired
Please seek help. Your life is precious and matters. If in USA call 988.
Gaslighting. There are more people than jobs. See reserve army of labor. People without jobs succumb to poverty, homelessness and death on the streets. ‘Just leave your job’ is a Sophie’s Choice question. Capitalism is killing doctors.
What about use of high insulin dosage
I am not a dr.i am a 49 yr old mother of 6. Ages 30,28,18,14,10,& 8. Raised by single emotionaly unavailable, addicted mom. Dad left at 2. On my second marriage. Married 1st husband at 21.i had already had my 1st child at 18 before I met husband. Had my 2nd child with 1st husband. Went through an ugly custody battle before I married him. seperated 2 yrs later but maintained on and off for 8yrs. Met 2nd husband.1st husband died of diabetes.i worked as an exotic dancer because I didn’t want my kids to grow up as just surviving day to day. I wanted to give them a stable home with stable school and friends. Have experiences & lessons.had 4 children with 2nd husband. About a year after the birth of my 3rd child I was diagnosed with bipolar. (Who knew the fun, energetic,creative, initiative personality traits I had was really a mental illness?)Been with him about 20 years.i had quit dancing after 20 years of it. (Had started at 18) In which I had also had jobs in acting, sales, bartending,pedi-cab driver, server,massage therapy, sign spinner, the list goes on….I went to school for theater arts, &tv acting and TV studio productions.Dancing had taken a toll on my physical and mental health. I suffered from carpal tunnel, tarsal tunnel, arthritis,bulging disk & felt like my soul was dying just a bit more every day. I had many fun, strange, dangerous adventures.my husband was making ok money & I wanted to be a stay at home mom. My children were 15,13,3 & I was pregnant. I really enjoyed the 1on1 time with my kids after school and all day with the new baby but was suffering really bad postpartum,& depression. I was the heaviest I’d ever been and husband was completely mean and neglectful towards me. I was so horribly sad and didn’t know why because aside from husband, I had these really great blessings of children who relied on me.after awhile either husband started treating me better or I just adapted to the treatment,3 years I experienced a miscarriage. As I was lying on the floor of the bathroom, banging as hard as I could so husband would hear me(couldn’t yell out) my oldest kid came home & found me, called 911 & woke my husband &told him what was going on. He fell back to sleep.my 2nd oldest got home and 1st&2nd helped clean me up and dress me for arrival of ambulance. They watched over my 3;yr old and called a friend to pick up my 7 yr old from school.4 months pass.i come home with the kids to find my dog of 14 years dead in front yard.it was the middle of August.he had trouble walking and when taken outside we’d stay with him and bring him inside when done.husband brought him outside &didn’t stay there, instead, sat down on couch &went to sleep…I was 8wks pregnant w/my only son. Shortly after husband was hateful to me some more.I kicked him out.that lasted about a wk.2 yrs after my son, I had another daughter. Things between husband and I had not good for awhile, still stuck it out(stupidity, gullibility,fear) who knows? I wanted out. I couldn’t leave.had no money, no help, no way.no choice. we move 3 hrs from where we were. I was now too far from my 2 adult daughts, my mom,brother&cousins.it was a nice house, nice neighbor, great community, quiet small town. I had contemplated not moving with him & decided to live it a yr.didnt stay ok for long. Wouldn’t seek therapy w/me that I had been begging for, for the past 6+ years.stillvhad no means of help. The emotional, mental, financial,verbal abuse don’t leave bruises on the outside so because the bruises on the soul are on seen there’s no help. I wouldn’t let my children become homeless, I’m not a vet, I’m not considered a seen domestic violence victim, and not an addict, so no help. I’ve asked social services, therapy, my dr.social security,no help. I’ve been applying for disability since 2009. Continually Denied. Was denied for 4th time with lawyer because I was “incomplient” with meds cause at the time I got to enter court I was pregnant and said that I won’t take meds while pregnant.i had quit when I found out I was pregnant with my 4th. She still was born with heart arythmia.(Depekote)got denied again because they used husband’s income…he lost his job so I applied again, denied because I owned the 17 yrold mini van, he owned the 94 jeep, and I owned a broken down 18yr old intrepid, & had bought an 80’s tent trailer.unknown to hubby, I had planned on leaving and living in it. After being approved for disabilty.They said shared”assets exceed threshold limit)that’s b.s.they weren’t even asking or considering any of my disabilities, just my assets.by this point my disabilities were, bipolar, osteoarthritis, arthritis in neck,hands,fingers &toe,& lower back, depression, anxiety, OCD, ADHD,PTSD,asthma,sleep apnea,epilepsy,spinal stenosis, degenerative disk disease.i had recently had a surgery and have now been suffering nerve pain, numbness and tingles, I have lower limb neuropathy,a chronic painful low back spasm for past 3 years,sciatica,huge scar, severe depression, suicidal tendencies,started smoking again after 14 years.chronic pain.thumb,foot,face and leg muscle twitching,painful destonia in my left foot, &hand, &porphyria. i try every day,my days are consumed with 9 different specialists,therapy, a slew of medications,meditation,rest, ice,heat,any treatment I can find. I have a cane,walker & wheel chair as needed.i no longer get to enjoy bits of life. I only exist. I fear that I am a burden.husband has gotten worse, uses my mental health against me, gaslights and manipulates. I should have never moved 7.5 years ago.at that time my oldest kids were out of the house & my 4 were 11,7,3,& 1.but now, they have taken on ignoring me, walking away &shutting the door when I’m speaking, defiying everything, back talking, laying,insulting, blaming, & gaslighting me too. I messed up and had stupid faith that our vows meant something, promises would be honored, word would be kept,love wasn’t lost.now I feel like my children are doomed to be emotionally unavailable, lack of initiative, disrespectful,stonewalling narcissists and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.thisbis my fault for not leaving, for not knowing how, for not maintaining the strong,independent, go getter,nothing will stop me, rely on no one, optimistic, goal and dream driven woman I once was. In a sense, I let suicide already happen to me. I’m just a vessel existing through life.I’ve been dead for about 16 years now. If you’ve read to this point, then Thank You for hearing me. I’m never heard or seen, I don’t think I ever have been.
You are heard & seen here. That’s often what the soul truly needs. An enlightened non-judgemental witness. Please keep breathing. People do love you.
Your a bunch of bullshit
ok
I’ve been in healthcare my entire life. Surgical services. Because I spoke up against wrong doing, stood up for myself, I’m out of a job and can’t get a job anywhere now. I’m 60 now. I don’t know what to do. I’ve had a hard life and I buried all the pain in work. Now . Alone and nothing but time on my hands all of it has surfaced. I have been thinking about ending my life every single day for a long time. Some nights the urge is very strong. I cry myself to sleep almost daily. Every day. I don’t want to live anymore. There is no reason to. I just exist. Serving everyone but myself for over 25 years. I have been single for 24 years. Raised 4 kids by myself. Took care of mom when she passed. Then dad for 7 years he passed. Lost one son to overdose. I’m so alone I can’t take it anymore. God knows . I’m sorry for my weakness. I can’t pick myself up anymore. Nothing is working and my career is over.
Anonymous surgeon, I am hearing a number of common themes among doctors who feel suicidal and please know that whistleblower retaliation is real. Many ethical doctors who stand up for patient safety and their own safe working conditions (sadly) find themselves in more hostile clinics/hospitals. The loss of career identity brings so much grief. I so wish you could join us Sunday for our physician peer support as there are many surgeons in similar situations who could help you. After devoting one’s life to medical service feeling unemployable as a skilled proceduralist is a huge hit to one’s psyche.Your challenging childhood likely set you up for your “trauma-inspired” surgical career (please see my article: Did your wounded child choose your career?). We then use workaholism as a coping strategy so that we can escape the pain while trying to feel loved and validated for our contributions. Now that you are not working you are flooded with memories that must be very painful (kind of like the life review thoughts and feelings that will naturally arise when not using workaholism as a coping strategy/escape from your internal life) … I hope this is making sense … While not working you may feel boredom and a sense of uselessness which can bring additional grief on top of all the losses of your spouse, parents, son 💕🙏💕 you need time (and community) to grieve these losses. The pain is real and can compile over the years if not released (I call this an emotional abscess with many loculated pockets that need to be lanced so that you do not go into “emotional sepsis”). You must feel lonely right now. Do you have social support? Peers who can understand and help you through this time? PLEASE do not end your precious life. Like many docs you have given more than you have received from what feels like many NONreciprocal relationships.I wish so much you could join us tomorrow and you could begin to feel the compassion from others and most importantly self-compassion.
After reading what I wrote, it just sounds like a pity party for myself. But why does it feel so overwhelmingly strong? Why is the belief and the rationalization of ending my life so present in my my mind every single day? And some days soo strong the pain has become so overwhelming that taking a knife or fork and scraping my arms helps relieve some of it. The pain of my life has overcome all faith. Strength I once had
One last thing. You deserve understanding and compassion from yourself & others. I do not interpret what you are writing as a pity party. I see it as a cry for help. I actually feel you want to live and that is why you are reaching out (twice). The cutting provides an immediate release of emotional pain that can temporarily override your emotional distress and create a sense of relief. As a surgeon you may feel a sense of control through cutting. Inner pain is so hard to see that when one can see the physical pain that can represent the suffering. I do hope again that you will consider joining us Sunday, You can reach me confidentially here. i would love to speak with you.
To this dear Anonymous: please don’t take your life. I would be so grateful to talk to you. I am glad you are processing your thoughts. I am hopeful that you can take some time to think about experiences, people, pets, or even beautiful scenery that you have known in your life that made you happy and dwell on these things. Also, take a little walk outside, stretch your legs and deep breath. I would love to see you respond here and would like to talk more. I know there are more people than just me that want to see you LIVE! Please LIVE and let’s talk!
AMAZING people like this^ fill these peer groups, please connect with us!
Please keep breathing, keep going. You have come to the right place for support please join one of our peer support groups on Sundays! So many of us have felt (and are currently feeling) many of these feelings and it can be extremely helpful and healing to connect. Hope to see you soon!
I hope you come back to view the 25-minute video we recorded for you here . Three doctors are sharing their advice for you and the video is fully transcribed so you can read it here.
I’ll include an excerpt of the themes I recognize in your two comments:
1. You faced whistleblower retaliation. You literally stood up for what was right, either for yourself or a patient, and you found yourself in a hostile environment. Then without a job. And that really sucks. That’s wrong. You should have been protected. What you brought to the surface should have been dealt with so that future medical professionals and patients would not suffer in your institution. You should have never been treated that way.
2. You have career identity loss. You obviously threw yourself into this career and became very highly skilled. Possibly you’re a perfectionist like many of us. So it’s intolerable to see things that are harmful for patients when we take an oath to help people. Our career can become our entire identity, especially when your kids are grown out of the nest and you’ve lost your parents.
3. You feel like you’re an unemployable surgeon (or surgical professional). Just when you have gained such great wisdom and skill to devote, now you have no job. Very painful.
4. You have a trauma-inspired career. A lot of people pursue medicine or medical specialties to help others because they’ve been injured themselves as children. Whether that’s because you’ve had mental health issues in parents or you’ve had physical health issues yourself, usually there’s some sort of early trauma response that leads you to spend the rest of your life helping and healing others. Our career choice is often how we cope with our own pain.
5. You have a workaholic coping strategy. We throw everything into work and serving others prevents us from really hyper-focusing in our own deeper wounds. When your work is taken away from you rather suddenly in a very unfair and unethical way, you are now without your coping strategy . . .
6. You are bored and flooded with all sorts of memories that previously were shielded from you. And this can be very uncomfortable on top of the loss of your career.
7. You have personal life loss and grief that you obviously feel from losing your beloved son. I don’t know if you were married before, but you have four children. Obviously a prior partner of yours is missing from your life, All the sadness of losing that partner, having a deceased child and then the death of your parents, I just want to reiterate that is profound loss.
8. You are lonely. The loneliness you must feel is just so isolating and actually very deadly. It’s loneliness that leads to suicides and other deep mental health issues. We are here virtually to support anyone out there who’s lonely. You are not alone. We have experienced many of these things ourselves. And we want to help you.
9. You have non-reciprocal relationships. Really common with people pleasers, people with high empathy, people who go into medicine. We give everything to everyone else. And we don’t have reciprocal relationships where we’re refilled. We’re depleted by needs of others when we place ourselves in these caregiver roles. Like chronically, for a lifetime. We end up feeling really isolated, like nobody cares for us. I just want to say, we care for you. We are here for you. Every Sunday we meet. Contact me anytime. I would love your phone number, but you don’t have to reveal your name. You could write me with a real email. All I have now is your anonymous throwaway email. You can remain anonymous, but you don’t have to remain isolated. You can be with us. We’re really sweet people. You’ll see . . .
10. You lack self-compassion. It really hit my heart when you said, I feel like what I just wrote was a pity party. Oh my gosh. No, you totally deserve love and compassion from others and from yourself. You are not throwing a pity party. You have had real loss, real grief, and you’re really minimizing the grief that you’re in, and we want to help you.
11. You are cutting yourself. Sometimes by cutting, you need to see physically your pain on your body. As a surgical. professional that’s probably something very close to your heart. You’ve been in ORs. You’ve been in cutting scenes. And so now you’re cutting yourself as a way for you to feel the pain physically. But please do not make a lethal cut. Please contact us.
I hope you will watch the video we made for you.
Dear Anonymous, we love you, please keep breathing . . . (please click this link)
I’m 40 female, married with no kids (by choice). No family. I moved overseas from Canada and gave up my successful life to be with my husband in the uk and regret it. This country is beyond cruel and depressing. I’m too old to move back home now. I have nothing to go back to and ending it is easier than starting over. I just need a sure, guaranteed formula to do it. How many zoplicones does it take to never wake up again?
I also have no kids (by choice). I know how tough it is to start over though it IS possible, My physician friend just got out of prison in his fifties and he is starting from scratch. Maybe you will find some hope in the video we made: “How to survive the worst moments of your life (podcast)”
Being suicidal in the UK is normal.
Nothings helping anymore nothing will stop me from doing it it would be better off without me because no one gives a flying f*ck about me and im just being played by people they dont really care abt me i realized i don’t matter to anyone im so f*cking tired of this sh*t im gonna jump off a building and no one would care if i did anyway people just love using me for garbage im a male btw so f*ck life anyway because im just being used all the damn time im so god damn f*cking tired of this sh*t bro i cant put up with this anymore.
I have an idea that may be helpful in understanding why you feel this way. Would you be willing to explore a free online resource (a quiz) that will help you understand WHY you feel that people are treating you this way? I wonder if you were treated this way in childhood? This could be life-changing for you (it was for me & others) https://www.attachmentproject.com/early-maladaptive-schemas/
When you were a child did your parents or anyone else treat you like a “worthless piece of shit”or say these words to you?
I hate life, two miscarriages after trying forever. Family hates me. Everyone I dated say hateful evil things to me. I been emotionally abused physically abused… my sister told the whole fucking world I have herpes. I’m homeless…. I can’t do shit right I’m never happy I just fake it !!! I find it so much more peaceful to be DEAD DEAD DEAD!!!
“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
Krishnamurti
If you feel suicidal because you have realised you live in an insane asylum called the world then I regard that as a very good sign. A sign that your divine spirit is alive and well. You are immortal. Do whatever you want. If you feel it’s time to checkout then checkout. If it’s not time you won’t be allowed to anyway.
I think I may be suffering from psychogenic death symptoms, I can see myself slipping from stage 2 to becoming comfortable in 3. I’m not depressed, I still can think and feel good things, I’m just really tired. I’m older, I’ve accomplished much given my personal deficits and the fact that medical knowledge was so limited when I was growing up. I realize people automatically jump to, oh you’re just depressed, going through a hard time, etc., but that’s not it at all. I guess I’ve experienced so much personal loss and trauma, I really don’t see the point in trying to stave off the inevitable. Sure, tomorrow may be a great day, but the promise of a better tomorrow doesn’t seem to offset the reality of today. I have CPTSD, a lot of death and gory things I’ve seen have left scars on my soul that are never far away, combined with an abusive, dysfunctional up bringing. I’ve literally spent small fortunes on therapy and meds. Is it really that wrong to decide for yourself what you might want? Besides, what is this insane compulsion to keep people alive at all costs? There are worse things than death, sometimes life is one of them.
Please read this: Is suicide a good option for me?
Though I wrote it for doctors, I think the essence and tactics would be helpful to consider. Love to hear your thoughts if you decide to read (not too long – maybe takes 5 minutes).
Life should be voluntary esp if there is no God. No one should be able to tell me that I must live. Why can’t we opt out of life? There are very decent ways to go ie Nembutal but we are forced to find more painful and humiliating ways to die due to the suicide prevention industry. Shame on those people hope they suffer like I do
I wish you would change the title of this article. It implies you’re actually going to tell which method of suicide is least painful, and you don’t do that. Instead you discuss quite thoroughly why physicians have such a high suicide rate, and how and why you’d like to change that. It’s an admirable goal, but your title amounts to a bait-and-switch for those who genuinely want to know the least painful method of suicide.
My daughter killed herself, and I survived it. Barely. Then last night happened, and today I’m googling “least painful ways” and “do you hear the shot before you die?” Because I’m a big coward and I don’t want to suffer. My brave daughter went out and bought a 9mm and took care of it. I don’t think I’m brave enough for that.
So anyway, I think you should change the title of this article.