Physician Suicide Letters—Answered by Pamela Wible, M.D. →

When is a taboo topic no longer taboo? When is it okay to stop hiding behind euphemisms? When is it safe to tell the truth? The answer is now.

This week I uploaded 53 chapters of physician suicide letters in a book that became a #1 Amazon bestseller in less than 24 hours. No publicity stunts. No PR team. No prelaunch marketing. How does a book become a bestseller in a day? When the public is ready for the truth.

Here’s a sneak peek inside:

December 3, 2015

Dear Dr. Wible,

I’m not sure you read your [Facebook] messages but feel compelled to thank you. I was finishing term two of med school and had a bottle of Xanax in my hand. I was ready, as so many of us are. I took three then three more and came across this link, “How to graduate medical school without killing yourself,” which I believe may have saved my life and a couple of close friends who are also suffering. I’m near the top of my class and praying for death to escape the trap I’m locked into. I was in true delirium from lack of sleep and fear of failure. Studying in my sleep and waking up every hour in panic. Med school is doable but why must it be taught in this format? I read your stories and I’m just in shock how many others feel like I do or I feel like they do. Please keep sharing. You are saving lives, friend.

Chris

I’ve been receiving letters like this for three years. Not all have happy endings. I also receive letters from families who have lost their brilliant, compassionate children—during medical school. And the suicides are not isolated to student doctors.

March 23, 2015

Pamela,

I am not surprised at the number of suicides among medical practitioners. I was a nurse for years and went back to school to be a physician assistant. There is so much abuse handed out in training. At the time I was in school, we still had some thirty-six hour shifts. It was difficult. At least at the university that I attended they had a buddy program. All of the first-year students were given a third-year student to help show us around and be a mentor. The problem was that before we even started our first classes, my mentor committed suicide. She was in her car on her way home still close to the hospital when she stopped at a red light then picked up a gun and shot herself in the head. The person behind her was a physician at the hospital. These things are not that unusual. It’s a sad state of affairs.

Patricia

These suicides are not isolated to students of medicine, to physicians, to physician assistants. The health care cycle of abuse impacts everyone in our hospitals, clinics, and medical schools. Including patients.

February 12, 2015

Pamela,

When I share what happens in our academic medical center with my non-medical friends, they are astonished and disbelieving. The level of bullying in my institution is amazing, including a faculty member seriously suggesting that a resident’s mistake was so heinous that he should “off ” himself. When I speak about changing the culture of medicine, my colleagues think it is impossible to support financially. In our institution, money is a deal breaker. We have a patient wellness program with financial/insurance premium incentives, but as far as I know, no physician wellness program with incentives. I will watch what happens with you with interest. Keep doing it.

Vicky

So what are the answers? How do we stop the cycle of institutional abuse? Physician suicide hotlines inside our hospitals? Resilience training for our wiped-out doctors? Meditation classes for medical students? Advocacy centers for mistreated patients?

February 13, 2015

Vicky,

It’s not costly or complicated to end bullying and hazing. It’s been outlawed at elementary schools, fraternities, and pretty much everywhere—except health care. How much does it really cost to be kind and compassionate? How much does it cost to replace hundreds of doctors who off themselves?

Pamela

Finally an answer. 

In Physician Suicide Letters—Answered, Dr. Wible exposes the pervasive and largely hidden medical culture of bullying, hazing, and abuse that claims the lives of countless medical students, doctors, and patients. Now—for the first time released to the public—here are private letters and last words from our doctors who could no longer bear the pain of an abusive medical system. What you don’t know about medical training and culture can kill you. Dr. Wible takes you behind the white coat and into the mind, heart, and soul of our doctors—and provides answers.

This cycle of health care abuse is a global phenomenon. Letters in this book are from Canada, Egypt, India, South Africa, UK, and the USA. There is no country in which medical students are immune from the effects of a traumatic medical education. There is no perfect health system in which doctors do not struggle to preserve their humanity and patients do not die for lack of care. There is no amount of money, no high-priced health plan that will guarantee that the doctor controlling your ventilator is not sleep-deprived or suicidal. We are all at risk.

The solutions are simple.

The time to act is now.

PamelaWible-FrontCover PamelaWible-BackCover

Pamela Wible, M.D., is a family physician in Oregon. She is author of Physician Suicide Letters—Answered and Pet Goats & Pap Smears.

Posted in Ideal Medical Care, Medical Student Suicide, Physician Suicide, Physician Suicide Letters—Answered
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Physician Suicide Letters—Answered (a sneak peek inside my new book) →

On January 11, 2016, just before midnight, I uploaded a game-changing book to Amazon. I’m now awaiting my proof before releasing the book to the world. (As of January 15th it’s now available on Amazon here). Medical education and practice will never be the same. Mark my words.

Here’s a sneak peek for those who are curious. The description from the back cover:

In Physician Suicide Letters—Answered, Dr. Wible exposes the pervasive and largely hidden medical culture of bullying, hazing, and abuse that claims the lives of countless medical students, doctors, and patients. Now—for the first time released to the public—here are private letters and last words from our doctors who could no longer bear the pain of an abusive medical system. What you don’t know about medical training and culture can kill you. Dr. Wible takes you behind the white coat and into the mind, heart, and soul of our doctors—and provides answers.

This book includes real suicide letters—the last words of medical students and doctors. Also included are letters from surviving family members, colleagues, and patients. Most letters are from actively suicidal physicians seeking my help. All have been published with permission. A few have been edited for clarity. Some names have been changed upon request to safeguard the careers of those who have written to me. Meet six of the physicians we lost to suicide below:

PhysicianSuicideLetters

Bobby Bowling, M.D., Philip Henderson, M.D., III, Kevin Dietl, D.O., Kailtyn Elkins, MS3, Vincent Uybarreta, M.D., Greg Miday, M.D. 

Introduction

Despite it all, I remain an optimist.

Medical school knocked me to my knees. I haven’t been the same since. Even though I still have a sparkle in my eyes and joy in my heart, a piece of me is missing. I can never get it back. I’ve tried. My innocence is gone.

Like most students, I just wanted to help people. I wanted to heal the broken world, the injured hearts and souls of patients who would one day entrust me with their lives. Instead, I nearly lost my own life. The memo-rization-regurgitation method of medical education disturbed my creative, non-linear mind. I studied constantly—spitting back medical minutiae for multiple-choice tests. I’m an average test-taker, though I excel with patients. I’m happiest helping people.

But it’s difficult to be happy (or to help people) in a medical culture that condones hazing, bullying, sexual harassment, and teaching by public humiliation. In my school, there seemed to be no end to the filthy jokes that demeaned female patients and classmates. In lectures, my instructors actually made fun of vegetarians for eating “health food.” When I protested the dog labs (as first-year medical students we had to kill dogs), the dean diagnosed me with “Bambi Syndrome.” I was belittled because I cared—about animals, about people, about my own health, and about this planet we call home.

I cried my way through the first year of medical school. As long as my tears kept flowing, I knew I would be okay. Crying meant that I could still feel pain. If I stopped crying, I thought I would go numb. One night I cried so much that I awoke the next day with my eyelids swollen shut. I could no longer bear to see the brutality.

I survived by clinging to my dream of being a caring family physician, of making house calls, of being a trusted and loving neighborhood doctor. I graduated from med school, completed residency, and got a job. I hated it. So I moved to another clinic. Then another. And another. After a decade of seven-minute visits at assembly-line clinics, I was nothing more than a factory worker. I felt like my dream was dead.

I wanted to die.

And, I thought I was the only doctor who felt this way.

Then I got a crazy idea. What if I asked for help? Not from the profession that wounded me. Instead I asked patients: “What is ideal health care? What kind of doctor do you want?”

They told me that an ideal doctor is happy, has a big heart and a great love for people and service. They described an ideal clinic as a sanctuary, a safe place, a place of wisdom with fun flannel gowns and complimentary massage while waiting, where nobody is turned away for lack of money.

I followed their instructions and opened their ideal clinic—the first clinic designed entirely by patients!

I started writing and speaking about my dream-come-true clinic, how I survived med school, and how I recovered from my occupationally induced depression and suicidal thoughts.

Then something weird and unexpected happened. I started getting letters from suicidal medical students and doctors. I wasn’t the only one who had felt this way!

Each year more than one million Americans lose their doctors to suicide, and nobody ever tells patients the truth—the real reason they can’t see their doctors ever again.

Nobody talks about our doctors jumping from hospital rooftops, overdosing in call rooms, hanging themselves in hospital chapels. It’s medicine’s dirty secret—and it’s covered up by our hospitals, clinics, and medical schools.

No medical school wants to be known as the “Suicide School.” No hospital wants to be #1 for interns jumping from rooftops. No student wants to become a doctor in order to kill themselves. It’s the ultimate oxymoron: the barefoot shoemaker, the starving chef, the suicidal doctor.

So what the hell is going on? Why is the plague of physician and medical student suicide such a secret? Why am I the one piecing this together? I’m a solo family doc, yet somehow I’ve become an investigative reporter, a specialist in physician suicide. Why? Mostly because I can’t stop asking why. Why did both doctors I dated in med school die by suicide? Why did eight doctors kill themselves—just in my sweet little Oregon town?

There are answers. Finding them requires being willing to look at some very disturbing facts. It also requires the willingness to engage with people who have experienced and who continue to experience a great deal of pain. So I keep talking and writing—and listening for the truth. And because I’m listening with my heart and soul 24/7, my cell phone has turned into a suicide hotline and I’ve received hundreds of letters from suicidal physicians all over the world.

You may be wondering why so many people who want to help people end up killing themselves. That’s why I wrote this book.

PhysicianSuicideLettersFront

PhysicianSuicideLettersBack

Now available on Amazon! 

 

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How to be a happy doctor (in less than 2 minutes) →

So you wanna be a doctor to “help people.” You paid big bucks for med school. Now your life sucks. It’s not your fault.

You need 3 skill sets to be a happy doctor. Med school provides only one—the technical skills. No human skills. No business skills.

The truth is: Med school trains you to be a factory worker. You choose your assembly line. Wanna do treadmill OB? How ‘bout rat-race pediatrics? Drive-by psychiatry? Assembly-line urology? You don’t have to take this crap. There’s a better way!

Ya see, medicine is an apprenticeship profession. You learn to be a doctor by studying doctors. Too often med school is an anti-mentorship program. Ya meet a lot of doctors you’d never wanna become. Wanna be a happy doc in your dream clinic? Avoid advice from high-priced experts and gurus

who quit direct patient care ‘cause they were—you guessed it—unhappy. Steer clear of naysayers and cynics. Hang with happy docs who are rocking it.  

Join us at BeAHappyDoctor.com and meet real doctors in real clinics with really happy patients. Learn from the most inspiring physician entrepreneurs online and in weekly teleclasses. Then hang out with us at our biannual hot spring retreats!    

Warning: Happy doctors may have less insomnia, headaches, temper tantrums. You may use less alcohol, prescribe fewer drugs, labs, and tests. You may be less “productive” yet actually get more done. You may be ecstatic, hypomanic, and develop a rare condition among doctors in which you can’t stop smiling.Your sex life may improve—dramatically. Ask your doctor if being a happy doctor is right for you.

BeAHappyDoctor

Pamela Wible, MD, is a family physician in Oregon. She hosts biannual physician retreats to help medical students and physicians overcome burnout, depression—even suicide—so they can be happy too!

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Our message of hope for medical students & doctors →

“I know there’s a lot of you out there that are feeling disillusioned. You’re wondering why did I spend all those years in medical school and training, why am I hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. I hate this. I hate this profession. I don’t feel like this is me. It’s because you’re in the wrong place. I have several friends (you know who you are) out there. You know that you are very unhappy. You are just racing to get to retirement as fast as you can so you can get out of medicine. What I say to you is dig down deep into your heart and reclaim that dream you had from when you were a little kid and all you wanted to do was help people and serve people, serve your community, and be part of the community in a respected way where you felt free. You can do it!” ~ Yami Lancaster, D.O.

“If you’re someone who has been wounded in such a deep way, I want to tell you the most important thing that I learned when I was in that exact position: you are not alone. There are people, many of us out there who are looking for you. We’re not waiting for you. We are looking for you. And if you just give us a slightest nod in our direction, we will come find you and we will help you heal.” ~ Gregory Mims, M.D.

“To those out there who are still in pain, there are options. The system is a lie. It’s fed you a false dichotomy that essentially you can be miserable, but successful or you can be destitute and happy. It’s not true. It’s not true. We are divided. We’re kept powerless, but there are those out there who want to help, help reform the system, help you heal to find something that is truly meaningful for you. It’s out there. There are options. You are not alone. And remember that the modern medical system’s unofficial motto right now is: the beatings will continue until morale improves.” ~ Bradley Michel, MS3

“It’s just that it is an abusive system, and you can quit and take time off. Find who you are. You can live your dream. And that’s all you need. Screw the system. It’s not meant to get people better. It’s meant to maintain chronic disease states and make a lot of money. So there ya go . . .” ~ Cammy Benton, M.D.

“What I would want to tell medical students or physicians that are suicidal or just want to quit medicine: I was there.” ~ Hawkins Mecham, MS4

“We as healers tend to isolate ourselves and ignore the fact that there’s a problem going on much, much wider than what we’re just experiencing personally. If you are someone who is struggling, I would encourage you to think about that fact that taking a little time away is very healing. When you have the time, don’t be afraid to take a break. Say, ‘You know what, this isn’t working for me right now,’ and take the time away from health care to evaluate because there are lots of options available to you once you take the time and stand back. But in that time, find who you are because you are an awesome person and there is so much more to you than just who you feel like when you are in this degrading system.” ~ Stephanie Whyte, M.D.

“If you need to take some time off, if you need to get rid of some of that PTSD that’s been part of this profession, our training, that’s completely fine. But don’t ignore that little voice inside you that still wants to do this, but in the way that serves your heart and is authentic to your self.”  ~ Yami Lancaster, D.O.

“The transition that I’ve experienced from feeling exhausted and depleted and trapped and sad at work to feeling exhausted, depleted, and angry at the system—that transition has really helped to give me the motivation I need to realize that there is a better way.” ~ Caroline Schier, M.D.

“I know you feel like you are entirely stuck. I know you think that there’s no way out. There is. There are other options and I really, really hope that you will look around and try to find them because I know when you’ve been told over and over that this is your only option that becomes reality to you. But it’s not. It’s not really real. There are other options. There are other ways and you’re not actually stuck. So please try to get yourself unstuck. Please. And ask for help.” ~ Lisa Kozinski, M.D.

“Ask for help. We’re a profession that doesn’t like to ask for help. When you’re reaching out you actually are stronger for doing that and I just want to let you know that by reaching out you’re empowering not only yourself, but you’re empowering your patients and you’re empowering your other colleagues.” ~ Hawkins Mecham MS4

“To anyone out there who is feeling trapped, depleted, exhausted, unhappy, my message to you is that there is a better way.” ~ Caroline Schier, M.D.

“We’re all working so hard. We’re such compassionate, intelligent people. There are plenty of ways to pay off our debt and make money. We don’t have to work for system that takes the majority off the top and works us until we’re burnt out, abusing ourselves. I know the stresses. I know the temptations or the necessity to turn to substances, to be depressed, to be anxious, and it doesn’t have to be that way. If you’re feeling that, please take the time to step back because suicide is the next step with that and it is just not worth it. And hearing from peoples’ families that have lost medical providers, it’s heartbreaking. It is such a tremendous loss to a society that needs healers.” ~ Michael Latteri, MS3

“What’s been the most amazing thing for me is the connection that I’ve felt with my peers here and the joy that I have leaving here, the excitement I have because I feel like being amongst these people that just want to serve from their heart has given me hope for my profession.” ~ Yami Lancaster, D.O.

“There are people out there practicing medicine that are more caring and compassionate and creative and amazing and beautiful than I could ever have imagined and that they love me and they love you and they love everybody and they just want to heal.” ~ Jenny Wheeler, M.D.

“If we can’t take care of ourselves and each other then we’re not doing it right so come join us. Pamela Wible and all these people are so awesome. We will always be here for you. All you have to do is contact us.” ~ Michael Latteri MS3

“I’m just joyful. I’m happy. I can’t wait to get out there and start building my dream and reclaiming my dream from when I was three years old and I feel like you can too. So have hope. You can get out of this. It doesn’t matter the debt. Just think about how you can help the world in the way that you wanted to since you were little kid. You can do this! I believe in you and so does Pamela Wible. That’s why I’m here and I’m so glad I found her and all these awesome, amazing people. I love you guys so much!” ~ Yami Lancaster, D.O.

“We know what it’s like and we don’t want to lose any more of our brothers and sisters in health care and it’s making us angry because this world needs us.” ~ Gregory Mims, M.D.

“You are not alone. You are loved.” ~ Pamela Wible, M.D.

PamelaWibleRetreat

Come to our next retreat!

* * * 

Pamela Wible, M.D., has helped hundreds of physicians reclaim their happiness and their careers. She offers biannual retreats for medical students & physicians. Dr. Wible has been named the 2015 Women Leader in Medicine for her work on medical student and physician suicide prevention. Video by GeVe.

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Doctor’s infertility cured by quitting assembly-line medicine, opening her dream clinic →

Today I checked up on a physician friend who just launched her solo family medicine clinic a few weeks ago. She writes:

It’s a slow start but it’s picking up. As more and more people get to know me it’s growing . . . like planting a garden for the first time . . . or growing a human.

Funniest thing is what happened with my fertility! So we had been unofficially “trying” for close to nine months with no success. I quit my assembly-line job and we moved to a new town at the same time. Not even a month later—I was pregnant! Just goes to show how much stress can impact fertility . . . and you know people were saying “Oh you shouldn’t leave, it will be too hard for you in a new place” or “moving is stressful” or “maybe you should just try harder.”

Well what’s the true price of NOT doing something about your situation? What’s the cost of staying in a the wrong place (personally and professionally) that isn’t serving you? Breaking inertia is so key. Even though on the outside it looks like we are paupers and we did take a loan to help us get through the move and start the practice, we are both wealthier in spirit, in knowledge (steep learning curve) and in opportunity. We just decided to go for it!!!! And you know even if the worst case scenario happens and it all crashes in a heap, we will still be happy because we followed our dreams and our passions and saw them come true—and no one can take that away from us—ever! 

There is no way you can fail now baby!

Ultrasound

Ready to get off your ass and live your dream?

Join the next Live Your Dream Physician Retreat.

Pamela Wible, M.D., has helped hundreds of physicians reclaim their happiness and their careers. She offers biannual retreats for medical students & physicians. Dr. Wible has been named the 2015 Women Leader in Medicine for her work on medical student and physician suicide prevention. Photo credit: Baby Weese :)

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Discouraged? Depressed? Suicidal? Watch this. →

“I know there’s a lot of you out there that are feeling disillusioned. You’re wondering why did I spend all those years in medical school and training, why am I hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. I hate this. I hate this profession. I don’t feel like this is me. It’s because you’re in the wrong place. I have several friends (you know who you are) out there. You know that you are very unhappy. You are just racing to get to retirement as fast as you can so you can get out of medicine. What I say to you is dig down deep into your heart and reclaim that dream you had from when you were a little kid and all you wanted to do was help people and serve people, serve your community, and be part of the community in a respected way where you felt free. You can do it!” ~ Yami Lancaster, D.O.

“If you’re someone who has been wounded in such a deep way, I want to tell you the most important thing that I learned when I was in that exact position: you are not alone. There are people, many of us out there who are looking for you. We’re not waiting for you. We are looking for you. And if you just give us a slightest nod in our direction, we will come find you and we will help you heal.” ~ Gregory Mims, M.D.

“To those out there who are still in pain, there are options. The system is a lie. It’s fed you a false dichotomy that essentially you can be miserable, but successful or you can be destitute and happy. It’s not true. It’s not true. We are divided. We’re kept powerless, but there are those out there who want to help, help reform the system, help you heal to find something that is truly meaningful for you. It’s out there. There are options. You are not alone. And remember that the modern medical system’s unofficial motto right now is: the beatings will continue until morale improves.” ~ Bradley Michel, MS3

“It’s just that it is an abusive system, and you can quit and take time off. Find who you are. You can live your dream. And that’s all you need. Screw the system. It’s not meant to get people better. It’s meant to maintain chronic disease states and make a lot of money. So there ya go . . .” ~ Cammy Benton, M.D.

“What I would want to tell medical students or physicians that are suicidal or just want to quit medicine: I was there.” ~ Hawkins Mecham, MS4

“We as healers tend to isolate ourselves and ignore the fact that there’s a problem going on much, much wider than what we’re just experiencing personally. If you are someone who is struggling, I would encourage you to think about that fact that taking a little time away is very healing. When you have the time, don’t be afraid to take a break. Say, ‘You know what, this isn’t working for me right now,’ and take the time away from health care to evaluate because there are lots of options available to you once you take the time and stand back. But in that time, find who you are because you are an awesome person and there is so much more to you than just who you feel like when you are in this degrading system.” ~ Stephanie Whyte, M.D.

“If you need to take some time off, if you need to get rid of some of that PTSD that’s been part of this profession, our training, that’s completely fine. But don’t ignore that little voice inside you that still wants to do this, but in the way that serves your heart and is authentic to your self.”  ~ Yami Lancaster, D.O.

“The transition that I’ve experienced from feeling exhausted and depleted and trapped and sad at work to feeling exhausted, depleted, and angry at the system—that transition has really helped to give me the motivation I need to realize that there is a better way.” ~ Caroline Schier, M.D.

“I know you feel like you are entirely stuck. I know you think that there’s no way out. There is. There are other options and I really, really hope that you will look around and try to find them because I know when you’ve been told over and over that this is your only option that becomes reality to you. But it’s not. It’s not really real. There are other options. There are other ways and you’re not actually stuck. So please try to get yourself unstuck. Please. And ask for help.” ~ Lisa Kozinski, M.D.

“Ask for help. We’re a profession that doesn’t like to ask for help. When you’re reaching out you actually are stronger for doing that and I just want to let you know that by reaching out you’re empowering not only yourself, but you’re empowering your patients and you’re empowering your other colleagues.” ~ Hawkins Mecham MS4

“To anyone out there who is feeling trapped, depleted, exhausted, unhappy, my message to you is that there is a better way.” ~ Caroline Schier, M.D.

“We’re all working so hard. We’re such compassionate, intelligent people. There are plenty of ways to pay off our debt and make money. We don’t have to work for system that takes the majority off the top and works us until we’re burnt out, abusing ourselves. I know the stresses. I know the temptations or the necessity to turn to substances, to be depressed, to be anxious, and it doesn’t have to be that way. If you’re feeling that, please take the time to step back because suicide is the next step with that and it is just not worth it. And hearing from peoples’ families that have lost medical providers, it’s heartbreaking. It is such a tremendous loss to a society that needs healers.” ~ Michael Latteri, MS3

“What’s been the most amazing thing for me is the connection that I’ve felt with my peers here and the joy that I have leaving here, the excitement I have because I feel like being amongst these people that just want to serve from their heart has given me hope for my profession.” ~ Yami Lancaster, D.O.

“There are people out there practicing medicine that are more caring and compassionate and creative and amazing and beautiful than I could ever have imagined and that they love me and they love you and they love everybody and they just want to heal.” ~ Jenny Wheeler, M.D.

“If we can’t take care of ourselves and each other then we’re not doing it right so come join us. Pamela Wible and all these people are so awesome. We will always be here for you. All you have to do is contact us.” ~ Michael Latteri MS3

“I’m just joyful. I’m happy. I can’t wait to get out there and start building my dream and reclaiming my dream from when I was three years old and I feel like you can too. So have hope. You can get out of this. It doesn’t matter the debt. Just think about how you can help the world in the way that you wanted to since you were little kid. You can do this! I believe in you and so does Pamela Wible. That’s why I’m here and I’m so glad I found her and all these awesome, amazing people. I love you guys so much!” ~ Yami Lancaster, D.O.

“We know what it’s like and we don’t want to lose any more of our brothers and sisters in health care and it’s making us angry because this world needs us.” ~ Gregory Mims, M.D.

“You are not alone. You are loved.” ~ Pamela Wible, M.D.

PamelaWibleRetreat

Come to our next retreat!

Pamela Wible, M.D., has helped hundreds of physicians reclaim their happiness and their careers. She offers biannual retreats for medical students & physicians. Dr. Wible has been named the 2015 Women Leader in Medicine for her work on medical student and physician suicide prevention. Video by GeVe.

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